


One Day in December

by thvnderstorms



Series: 'waiting for my love' [1]
Category: Julie and The Phantoms (TV)
Genre: 5 Times, 5+1 Things, AU, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bisexual Reggie Peters (Julie and The Phantoms), Christmas, Everyone Is Alive, Everyone Is Gay, Family, Fluff and Angst, Found Family, Friendship, Happy Ending, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Kissing, M/M, Mutual Pining, Pansexual Luke Patterson (Julie and The Phantoms), Pining, Reggie Peters-centric (Julie and The Phantoms), Requited Unrequited Love, Romance, Some Explicit Language, Strangers to Lovers, The Boys Are Alive, Underage Drinking, Unrequited Crush, alive, alternative universe, emotion, festive, set in the present, willex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-20
Updated: 2021-01-25
Packaged: 2021-03-10 20:48:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 70,264
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28203393
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thvnderstorms/pseuds/thvnderstorms
Summary: One day in December, Reggie shares a moment with a shaggy haired boy at a bus stop. He’s convinced he has fallen in love.He is so enamored by the beautiful stranger that he spends the next twelve months searching for ‘Bus Boy’ religiously.And then finally, one day, there he is. Standing before him as beautiful and enrapturing as he was the first time Reggie saw him. With a timid smile and an outstretched hand, he is mesmerizing, he is ethereal, he is everything Reggie dreamed he would be.But even in his wildest fantasies, they never met like this. With Alex standing between them, his hand delicately placed on Bus Boy’s shoulder, uttering words that make Reggie’s entire body freeze.“Reggie, meet Luke, my boyfriend.”---OR five times Reggie and Luke miss their chance and the one time they get it right.
Relationships: Alex Mercer & Willie (Julie and The Phantoms), Alex/Luke Patterson (Julie and The Phantoms), Luke Patterson & Reggie (Julie and The Phantoms), Luke Patterson/Reggie (Julie and The Phantoms)
Series: 'waiting for my love' [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2126856
Comments: 76
Kudos: 204





	1. One: keep it sweet in your memory

**Author's Note:**

> Just a few quick things:  
> \- This is my first work for JATP and on AO3 so I'm a bit nervous but hope you guys like it.  
> \- This story is inspired by Josie Silver's book 'One Day In December'.  
> \- The Boys are all alive and the story is set in the 21st century. The characters ages correspond with the year of each chapter. So for example chapter one set in December 2016 means that the gang is all 16 and so on.  
> \- As this is a Christmas/December centric fic, hopefully I'll get all chapters out before Christmas.  
> \- Chapter title from 'Sunflower Vol. 6' by Harry Styles  
> Hope you enjoy!

One: keep it sweet in your memory  
December 2016

Reggie had always loved Christmas. While he couldn’t label himself a fanatic, there was something about the markets, the decorations, the songs playing on repeat throughout the busy streets. It was the twinkling lights that converted the city he saw every day into a wonderland entirely of its own that filled his chest with an overwhelming sense of warmth and comfort, a feeling he only got from music. His parents had never been big on the holidays much to Reggie’s vexation. When he was younger they would make an effort for Christmas, granted more on his mother’s side than his fathers yet looking back on those years now, just like Reggie’s relationship with Santa Claus, it was all make-believe. His parents had given up putting up the same facade now that he was older. The opening of presents together had been replaced with Reggie waking up alone as his parents nursed hangovers well into midday. The watching of Christmas movies was exchanged for his father falling asleep on the couch to a mute television, a beer bottle slowly slipping from his limp hand. The happiness of Christmas dinner usually turned into a heated debate between his parents as Reggie would sit quietly, picking at his food, wanting to shrink into himself. No, Reggie didn’t get his Christmas spirit from home, he had to find it elsewhere. He found it in the strangers who he served at the record shop he worked, he found it in the people watching he did from the nearby cafe on his break, he found it in the love and support he had from his friends. He found it in Julie, Flynn, Carlos, Ray, Alex. When Reggie thought of the word ‘family’, those were the faces he saw. That’s why as Reggie slipped out the door of the record shop just after finishing his final shift before the holidays he found himself grinning as he walked.

That night was the night Reggie looked forward to the most every Yuletide season. The annual Molina Christmas party. A party that Reggie had been invited to years back thinking it a one time thing had now become a permanent fixture in his life. Upon seeing his bus pull into the bus stop, Reggie jogged the small distance ahead joining the long line of Christmas shoppers making their way home. He hopped from one foot to the other, not expecting the cold that lingered in the air as it seeped through the material of his leather jacket. Eventually, Reggie had made his way onto the bus, rushing to the first available seat, reveling in the warmth that stifled the air of the busy vehicle. The bus rolled on towards its next destination, Reggie folded in on himself trying to hold onto the warmth as long as he could. His phone buzzed in his pocket, taking his attention away from the world moving past him through the window. Pulling the device from his pocket, a message from his best friend caught his attention.

Alex:  
Are you on your way home?

The summer before, Alex had come out to his family. While everything was still tense, they took it as a good sign that his parents hadn’t immediately disowned him as Alex had worriedly theorized they might. Despite this, Alex continued to feel out of place at home more so than he had before coming out. Slowly, Alex had begun spending more and more time at Reggie’s, the spare guest room gradually becoming Alex’s now that half his stuff occupied it. Reggie didn’t mind at all, he appreciated the company just as much as Alex did. Even his parents had been working to rein in their fighting and nightly shouting. Even if it was all a front for Alex’s sake, Reggie didn’t mind the quiet. He’d almost forgotten what it was like. Reggie hated leaving Alex alone there. The quiet, for a person like Alex was a breeding ground for overthinking but Reggie had to work if he had any hope of getting that new bass he’d been eyeing up. Reggie quickly texted him back, letting the other boy know he was en route. No doubt, Alex was still in the same place Reggie had left him all those hours earlier, curled in blankets on the beanbag in Reggie’s room, making his way through the next semester’s English reading syllabus. He knew being alone in the house made Alex anxious, so he needed to fixate on something. Hell, more often than not the house even made Reggie anxious. 

A small breeze caressed the back of Reggie’s neck and he shivered feeling goosebumps climb his skin. With a quick glance over his shoulder, he noticed that an older woman had slid open the top of her window, letting the outside air drift into the bus, attacking any heat Reggie had been yearning for. He turned back, stuffing his phone back in his jacket pocket before he sunk further into the leather material. He carried on trying to revive his warmth for several minutes as the bus closed in on its next stop. His eyes felt mildly heavy and he pondered if he had enough time to take a nap before getting ready for Julie’s Christmas party. The bus slowed to a halt at the next bus stop, cranking open its metal mouth to allow passengers to unload themselves just as others began to push their way onto the bus. Reggie glanced out the window to his left, taking in the stop number so he could determine how much farther he had to go. He was about to look away but as the soft strumming of an acoustic guitar waltzed through the open window behind him and into Reggie’s ears, he froze. The tune sounded vaguely familiar but whoever was playing had revamped it into their own retelling and Reggie found himself turning his whole body towards the window, eyes flickering around the crowd of people waiting to catch a glimpse at the mystery musician. 

‘I don’t want our footsteps to be silent anymore. Want them to be in the moment.’

As the light and airy voice wafted through the air, the warmth Reggie had been looking for finally ignited his whole body. The singer’s words like a simple, comforting touch against his cheek, sending them aflame with a tingling blush. The busy street began to slowly disperse, revealing the mystery voice to him. And there he was, standing effortlessly with his back leaning against the bus shelter, his leg propped up against it and a guitar gripped tightly in his hands. The most beautiful boy Reggie had ever laid eyes on. He was shocked, intrigued, enamored with just one look and Reggie debated in his head if it was insanity to feel this way about someone he’d only just seen and never actually met. He couldn’t exactly tell what it was that drew him to the shaggy haired boy. Was it the emotion that he laced every lyric that left his mouth with? Was it the fact he seemed blissfully unaware of those around him, his eyes screwed shut, just him and music? Or maybe it was the bizarre fact he was wearing a muscle tee in the middle of winter? Reggie didn’t know and for the moment he didn’t care, this boy separated from him by a pane of glass had an aura that seemed to illuminate everything around him and Reggie wanted nothing more than to step into his light.

‘But I’m still not certain just how I’m gonna feel. I only know in the moment.’

And with those words falling from his lips the boy’s eyes opened immediately finding Reggie’s and for a moment he forgot how to breathe. Reggie froze yet was unable to break eye contact with the musician. There was something in the other boy’s eyes that Reggie couldn’t exactly place. It felt as if everything Reggie had been thinking about then and there, this boy knew. Or wildly enough, he mirrored the sentiment. Despite being only halfway through his tune, the Bus Boy gave Reggie a timid smile, his song long forgotten. Reggie wanted to hop out of his seat, run to the front of the bus to meet this boy but he stayed rooted in place, unable to fathom the thought. He was afraid to move, to break the moment, to find that this was all a figment of his overworked imagination. He glanced quickly to the doors of the bus seeing the last few passengers boarding before returning his gaze to the guitar boy, finding that his stare had never left Reggie. The brunette musician stumbled away from the bus shelter, nearly tripping over the guitar case at his feet and looking much less effortless than he had moments ago but Reggie let out a quiet chuckle meeting the boy’s sheepish grin again. Bus boy’s eyes flicked towards the doors of the bus mirroring Reggie from moments before. Reggie’s whole body perked up, was he thinking the same thing as him? Reggie begged to the God’s or really anyone that would listen. ‘Please, please let him get on this damn bus.’ 

The boy on the other side of the window seemed to hear his plees as he hastily grabbed his guitar case from the ground, turning towards the bus. As he began to move through the crowded street, bumping off passerbyers to find his way to the doors of the bus, the familiar creaking of the metal sliding doors filled Reggie’s ears and he nearly jumped from his seat in protest. As the bus doors clanked shut and the bus started its journey once again, Reggie felt his chest tightened as he looked back to the window. His gaze met the boys’ once again and he could only assume the disappointment that lay there was mirrored in his own expression. As his figure began to grow smaller with the more distance put between the pair, Reggie found the strength to finally look away. He glanced around the bus, every other passenger blissfully unaware of the silent interaction. Reggie’s stomach sank, he didn’t know this boy’s name, what he was like and there was definitely no reason to think he had ever been Reggie’s so why did it feel like he just lost something important? 

❄

“Reggie, you can’t be in love with someone you’ve never met and only laid eyes on for a few minutes.” 

It hadn’t taken long after Reggie had told the tale of his moment with Bus Boy, for Alex to be ever the realist and try to knock down Reggie’s declaration of love with logical fact. Part of Reggie knew just how absurd the whole thing was yet that didn’t do much to cancel out the part of him that was still buzzing with the possibility of what could have been. He knew when it came to romance he was the complete opposite to Alex. Alex was cautious, careful, never letting him get ahead of himself, always pragmatic. And then there was Reggie. Reggie always fell too hard, too fast and even when things wouldn’t work out, he’d still do it again without much consideration for himself. He knew by the way Alex was talking, this is what he was worried about, what he wanted to protect Reggie from. In his eyes, Reggie had gone from falling head over heels after one conversation with someone to falling head over heels after a simple look. 

“You know, your constant need to think logically about stuff is really harshing my buzz.” Reggie joked yet he knew deep down he was hurt Alex couldn’t at least humour him but he knew that was just part of his character. They were currently walking through the quiet streets, passing by houses gleaming with Christmas lights, their reflections glimmering against the wet pavement. He decided that the couple of blocks walk to Julie’s house was the time to tell Alex of his day’s events, especially the one that had been lingering in his mind, refusing to leave. 

“Are you attracted to this guy? Definitely. Are you in love with the idea of him? Probably. Are you in love with him? You don’t even know him.” Alex pressed, despite the pushiness of his words there was a gentleness to his voice and he knew Alex wasn’t doing it out of malicious intent. He was being protective and was more than likely worried Reggie was losing it with his wild daydreaming. 

“But that’s the thing. I might not know him but there was something there, something about him just clicked in me. I want to know him. I want to find him.” He noted the way Alex raised his eyebrow at those words. “I know it all sounds ridiculous so you don’t have to point it out but there was something.”

Alex stayed silent for a moment as they made their way onto Julie’s street, the festivities being heard in the distance. It would seem the whole neighbourhood was involved as they heard cheers and Mariah Carey echoing from their destination. 

“But what if you meet him, you get to know him and you find out he’s not at all what you hoped?” Alex asked. Reggie could see the wheels turning in his friend’s head as he came up with hypotheticals. Reggie decided to push farther. “Like what?”

“Like what if he listens to Genesis? Unironically.” Alex suggested. 

“Then I’ll learn how to play I Can’t Dance on bass and serenade him.” Reggie quipped without missing a beat. The pair began walking faster now that Julie’s house was in sight. The prospect of her lit fire and warm abode was just too appealing. 

“Well what if he’s one of those people who have Instagram accounts for their pets where they write posts pretending to be their pets?” Alex tried again, shoving his cold hands into the pockets of his worn out black denim jacket. 

“Then I’ll help him come up with cute captions.” Reggie didn’t have to look at Alex to know the blonde was undoubtedly rolling his eyes at his response. They came to the top of Julie’s driveway when Alex halted. He placed a hand on Reggie’s shoulder, making the shorter boy turn around and face him.

“Okay but what if..” Alex paused for a moment, both his hands now resting on Reggie’s shoulders, face serious. “What if he’s a.. he’s a..” Alex coughed, his words getting caught in his throat. “A heterosexual.” He finished, fake gagging dramatically. Reggie couldn’t help but laugh, throwing his head back as he did so. 

“Well that’s good. Our group needs a token straight friend.” Reggie met Alex’s gaze, the taller boy dropping his hands from Reggie’s shoulders, his own sagging at his reply. 

“You’re impossible, you know that.” Alex sighed but Reggie knew he meant nothing by it. He wrapped his arm around Alex’s shoulders, squeezing him to his side before placing a quick kiss to the blonde boy's cheek. Reggie was thankful that he and Alex were able to be like this without ever having to question anything. When they were thirteen, Reggie was the first person Alex had come out to. When they were fourteen and Alex was afraid he’d never get his first kiss, Reggie didn’t think twice about offering to be. And when Reggie confided in him weeks after that he liked kissing boys just as he did girls, Alex understood. They never had to wonder about the other, their cards always lay bare on the table. They made their way through the garden and into the packed house, laughter and Christmas spirit flooding every room. Ray spotted them from his place in the living room, a large Santa hat sitting on his head as he waved to the two boys who had become like extra sons to him.

“Merry Christmas, boys. Flynn and Julie are in the kitchen.” With a wide smile, he was pulled back into conversation with Julie’s tia and the boys made their way through the crowded hallway, Alex apologizing profusely to everyone they brushed past as he did. The kitchen was only slightly quieter than the rest of the house but the breathing space was welcomed as they spotted the two girls pouring glasses of mulled wine.

“You guys made it!” Julie cheered, running over to the two taller boys cuddling them into a combined hug. Flynn followed her lead, giving the boys individual hugs as Julie went back to the punch bowl pouring the newcomers drinks. 

“Julie, we always make it without fail.” Reggie chuckles pulling Flynn into a side hug, the smaller girl snuggling into him and remaining there as the group chatted. 

“Yeah, I know. But you were a bit late tonight, I thought something might have happened.” Julie explained, handing over the drinks to the two boys. Reggie’s eyes lit up as he was about to dive into his tale of Bus Boy as it was his conversation with Alex that had kept them from arriving on time. Alex had a tendency to stop walking when he was trying to comprehend something. 

“Sorry, Reggie held us up with his story of how he ‘fell in love’ with a complete stranger today.” Alex had beaten him to it. Reggie rolled his eyes not appreciating Alex’s air quotes as he said ‘fell in love’. 

“Not a stranger, an actual angel.” Reggie corrected, his eyes softening at the memory of their gazes meeting. 

“You said this guy was wearing a muscle tee in the middle of December! He has to be a psychopath.” Alex took a quick swig of his drink before continuing. “Or at least a narcissist.” 

Reggie had to force himself from rolling his eyes at his best friend again. He knew Alex would probably never understand. Sure it was implausible but not impossible. He was thankful when Flynn and Julie seemed intrigued by Reggie’s mystery man as they begged for full details on the encounter. When he was finished his narration of the tale of two ill fated lovers and a bus, Flynn and Julie were invested.

“It’s like Ross and Rachel and the plane.” Flynn gasped out, fanning herself as to not get emotional. Julie began nodding her head furiously in agreement.

“You should have got off the bus.” Julie scolded, Flynn repeating the sentiment in equal agreement. He could vaguely hear Alex mutter an exasperated ‘Oh my God’ from beside him.

“We have to help you find Bus Boy.” Flynn announced, Julie perking up at the idea and Reggie’s smile spread wide across his face from the support.

“To finding Reggie’s mystery Bus Boy.” Julie toasted, raising her half full glass between her friends. Flynn immediately followed suit, raising hers and lastly Reggie. They all looked back to Alex who watched them with raised eyebrows before he sighed.

“I can’t believe you’re humouring him.” Regardless, Alex raised his glass with his three best friends chanting ‘To finding Bus Boy’ in unison before they all knocked back the rest of their drinks. 

It may not have been Christmas yet but Reggie was already planning New Year’s resolutions. And at the top of that list? 

Find his Bus Boy.


	2. Two: do you know who you are?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- Thank you for everyone that has read, commented and left kudos so far, I hope you're enjoying this story.  
> \- Things are starting to lift off from here and from chapter three onwards, there will be much longer chapters and there will be a lot more Luke and Reggie interaction to come. These first two chapters really set everything up.  
> \- Also peep the mean girls reference in this chapter because I couldn't help myself.  
> \- Chapter title from 'Lights Up' by Harry Styles  
> Happy reading!

Two: do you know who you are?  
December 2017

Alex had always been a bit worried for Reggie. Most days it would seem his protective side was reserved for Reggie alone. Reggie was a dreamer and Alex was a rationalist. Reggie was a romantic. Alex was a realist. He would find him constantly fearing that these traits would be Reggie’s downfall. Reggie was always the optimist, Alex adored him for it and found himself dreading a day where his friend wouldn’t be. All the elements of Reggie’s personality that everyone loved him for were sadly also ones that could hinder him greatly and Alex was constantly cautious of every person that would come into his best friend’s life, never knowing who could take advantage of Reggie’s blind affection. Alex had been friends with Reggie long enough to know why the boy acted the way he does even if Reggie himself seemed to be oblivious to the fact. 

Reggie was a hopeless romantic that much was obvious but Alex was assured he wasn’t for the right reasons. As the Peters’ marriage began to hit the rocks, Alex had thought Reggie would be conflicted, rejecting the idea of love as he watched his parent’s fall out of it but to Alex’s surprise it had only made Reggie more desperate for it, if anything. Initially Alex had been confused, Reggie had taken a completely different response than that expected of a child from a broken marriage but the more he watched his friend over the years it had begun to make sense to the blonde haired boy. Reggie never seemed to be single, always pushing for the next relationship, declaring loving sentiments after only a few dates. Alex had been perplexed by it all. While Reggie’s affections never seemed faked to Alex, they didn’t seem to run as deep as Reggie made them out to be. It had taken a Wednesday afternoon at the Peters’ house one day after school for Alex to realise exactly the root of Reggie’s actions. The pair had sat on the floor of the living room watching music videos on Reggie’s laptop when his father had come home from work, ambling through the house without any notice of anyone heading straight to the kitchen. He passed Reggie’s mother where she stood preparing dinner, not even glancing in the woman’s direction. As Reggie chatted beside him about Flea’s bass solo on his laptop’s screen, Alex’s gaze followed the older man. Mr. Peters hastily hauled open the fridge, grabbing a beer bottle and slamming the door behind him before disappearing up the staircase. Alex had flitted his eyes back and forth between where Reggie’s father had left moments ago to his mother that stood in the kitchen, working away, unmoved. No words had been exchanged, not even heated ones filled with hate. It was something Alex hadn’t witnessed in all the time he had stayed with the family. Complete and utter ignorance of each other. 

That night as he lay in bed, listening to the gentle strumming of Reggie’s bass in the next room, it had clicked. The reason why Reggie was so quick to get attached to the people he dated, why he would profess love after two weeks of awkward hand holding and kisses on cheeks. Reggie jumped in head first into relationships, not necessarily because he felt these overwhelming emotions but because deep down Reggie wished he did. He forced himself to believe it was because he wanted nothing more than to actually feel this way. Reggie acted like a hopeless romantic, falling too fast and too hard because he wished that’s who he was. Reggie forced himself to feel so deeply for people he barely knew because he never wanted to be indifferent to anyone. He had watched his parents go from in love to hating each other relentlessly and he would have rathered them screaming at each other and cursing each other to hell because at least that was better than the silence, than his parents ignoring each other, the uncaring, the uninterested way they regarded each other now. Because the opposite of love wasn’t hate, it was indifference. And Reggie never wanted to be indifferent. He chose to feel everything so as to not feel nothing at all. 

So when Reggie moved from faking feelings after a week of knowing someone to professing love for a random boy he saw at a bus stop, Alex was overwhelmingly worried for his friend. He never wanted to comment on anyone’s coping mechanisms but he wasn’t prepared to see how far Reggie was willing to go. But as the next months progressed, whenever they were out in the city Alex found himself noticing how Reggie would light up seeing any brunette boy only for his whole demeanor to drop upon noticing that it wasn’t who he hoped it was. To their credit, Julie and Flynn still tried to help find ‘Bus Boy’ and even though slowly Reggie talked less about him, Alex still knew he was waiting for him. So Alex stopped teasing him about it, he stayed quiet and tried to decide if finding the boy or just forgetting about him would be better for his friend. He hadn’t lied that night a year ago, he was afraid if Reggie did find this boy, he wouldn’t be who he had expected. He didn’t know what was worse for Reggie, the reality or the dream. 

It had been nearly one year to the day that Reggie had seen Bus Boy and he was still living with the dream, stuck on the ‘what if’. Unlike Alex thought, there wasn’t a day that went by that the mystery boy wasn’t on his mind. Some days he appeared for a second, a quick thought, there and gone before Reggie could properly register it. Other days something would conjure up his memory like Reggie walking past a busker, seeing a bright orange beanie in a crowded place, any time Tame Impala came on his playlist and Reggie would find himself transfixed on the thought of the boy for hours. He had tried his best throughout the year, to maintain a normal life, to continue on, hoping that one day Bus Boy would drop into his life when he least expected it. To keep Alex happy and less worried about him, Reggie had even tried dating. He had a few good dates and a few bad ones, no one ever seemed to ignite his fascination. But he knew deep down, he was forcing himself not to get attached. It was madness, rejecting more than a few dates in the hopes that he would be single for when his mystery man would finally walk into his life again. Reggie convinced himself he was fine, he was happy, he had everything he needed. He had his friends, his own circle, his own little family, why would he need anything more?

He was happy and sitting here the day before the annual Molina Christmas party sharing sneaky drinks of warm cider with his closest friends, he felt there was nothing else that could make the moment any more perfect. Despite being underage, there were perks to having a local family bar run by Flynn’s uncle. At Christmas, he would allow the teens one drink of festive warm alcohol under the condition they didn’t ‘get rowdy’ which was an easy task for the small group of four. So they sat huddled together against the plush red booth, Flynn retelling a story of meeting Carrie out while Christmas shopping and inviting her and her brother Bobby to the Christmas party. Reggie’s eyes widened at the information and he could hear Alex try to stifle a chuckle beside him. Among the several people Reggie had gone on futile dates with that past year, Bobby had been one of them. He was also one of them who seemed to very much enjoy Reggie’s company and had been campaigning for another date since while Reggie had been actively coming up with new excuses not to since. Reggie had lied when Alex asked him why he wouldn’t go on another date, Reggie had proclaimed Bobby entirely too clingy. He wasn’t about to admit the truth that in any other universe Reggie could see himself falling for Bobby and being quite happy but this universe had Bus Boy and Reggie couldn’t seem to shake him from his memory. Alex's chuckle began to break through a bit so he lifted his drink to his lips to sip but before he could, Reggie jolted his body with an elbow to his side. Reggie didn’t want the effort of having to explain the Bobby ordeal to the girls or more so he didn’t want to have to lie to more people about the reason he’s closed off to the prospect of relationships. 

“What did you say Bus Boy looked like again Reggie?” Julie’s voice broke through his thoughts and Reggie looked up from where he was swirling the straw in his drink. He met Julie’s gaze in question. “Why?”

“Does he have slightly long brown hair, beat up vans, sleeveless shirts that show off very toned arms?” 

“That sounds exactly like him.” Reggie breathed out, the very memory of him standing proudly at the forefront of his mind.

Pointing over Reggie’s shoulder, Julie had a small yet stunned smile on her lips. “Then I think Bus Boy is standing right over there by the bar.”

Reggie immediately whipped his head around to see where his friend was pointing, from beside him Alex mimicked his actions equally as interested to see the infamous Bus Boy. Reggie spotted him immediately, his back facing the group, a white loose tee showing off toned arms and brown ruffled hair sticking up in various directions and Reggie’s breath caught in his throat. Alex looked back at his friend to get confirmation this was the boy he had been searching for but Reggie’s eyes remained focused on the mystery boy or more so on one of the boy’s toned arms that was wrapped around a smaller blonde girl to his left. Reggie found himself unblinking as the boy leaned down, giving the smaller girl a long lingering kiss. He could feel Julie’s dainty hand being delicately placed on his shoulder, giving it a small squeeze.

“Oh, Reggie. I’m sorry.” 

Reggie wanted to look away, pretend it didn’t matter as if he hadn’t spent the past year creating a fantasy in his head with a boy he didn’t even know. But no, his gaze remained and with it the tug on his heart. The couple broke apart, the boy turning to face the girl, the group now being able to properly see his face. Reggie let out a shaky breath, his heart elevating again. “It’s not him. It’s not Bus Boy.” 

“It’s not him!” Flynn cheered, Julie joining in with laughter and Reggie felt like he could finally look away but not before catching a glimpse at Alex’s conflicted face. He didn’t know if his blonde friend was happy or disappointed it wasn’t the elusive ‘Bus Boy’. 

“Thank God, it’s not him. Thought we’d nearly lose you to the ‘in a relationship’ side for a moment there.” Julie joked, wrapping her arms around Flynn and Reggie, the two other singletons of the group. They all sent Alex a fake disgusted look and he chuckled although a blush painted his cheeks. This was Alex’s first big relationship since coming out and the group was ecstatic for him, he was happy, really happy. The gang had yet to meet the notorious secret boyfriend, Luke. They had only heard snippets of little stories of the boy. About how he plays the guitar and wanted to start a band. How he’s adventurous and passionate, not to mention what an amazing kisser he was. Reggie tried to not take that one personally, he was never given such a glowing review from Alex about their kiss. Though they had both been fourteen, it was both their first kiss and it was clumsy and fumbling. 

“I know and now we’ll have to suffer through the gross coupley stuff tomorrow. Are you sure you really want them to come? It’s not too late to revoke their invitations.” Reggie jested, turning towards Julie who looked like she was considering. Despite her fake contemplation, Julie had been the one that had begged Alex weeks prior to invite Luke to the Molina Christmas party so they could finally meet the boy that had been making Alex smile for a month now. They knew Alex had kept Luke hidden from them. What Alex and Luke had was new and he had kept it to himself for weeks afraid it wouldn’t work out but now he was comfortable in his relationship and willing to let his friend’s meet his first boyfriend. Reggie had always feared when Alex began dating, he’d lose him to a certain degree but that hadn’t happened, he still saw Alex every day and it was even better cause his best friend was bright and beaming and completely content. Reggie would never be able to thank Luke enough for that because Alex was being himself more than he ever had been. 

“Guys if you don’t stop, I’m never letting you guys meet him.” Alex whined, planting his palm against his face in embarrassment but they could all see the wide smile that was buried underneath. To him, Luke was nothing short of perfect and he couldn’t wait for the most important people in his life to meet. Reggie beamed at his friend, nudging him gently with his elbow before wrapping his arm around his best friend’s shoulder tightly.

“Don’t worry, ‘Lex. We’ll love him.” If only he’d known the irony that sentence would hold.

❄

Twenty four hours later Reggie found himself sitting on the edge of the armrest of the couch in the middle of the Molina’s packed living room. Flynn sat beside him on the sofa, her arm resting against this thigh as they both watched Alex pace furiously up and down the room. Julie bounced in from where she had been greeting guests with Ray, the bells on her reindeer antlers headband jingling merrily as she did. She came to the back of the couch, leaning down so her head was between Reggie’s and Flynn’s.

“What’s he doing?” She glanced between Reggie and Flynn waiting for an answer but her two friends kept their eyes glued to the constantly moving Alex. 

“Practicing his model strut?” Reggie guessed. He had only entered moments before Julie to find Flynn watching the already pacing Alex. Though Reggie knew the best guess was something Luke related. 

“Luke texted a minute ago. He’s like five minutes away and now Alex is panicking.” Flynn filled in, confirming Reggie’s suspicions. Julie sighed, a slight humour to it as if saying ‘is that all’. She backed up from the couch, moving around it to the fidgeting blonde boy. When Alex turned around for the twentieth time and walked back, he found himself facing the questioning Molina girl.

“Oh hey, Julie.” He said sheepishly, as if he just realised what he’d been doing. His right hand raised to scratch the back of his neck. Reggie could see from his seat that he was sweating to.

“Alex, you need to take a moment to breathe. Everything is going to be fine. We’re going to love Luke and I’m sure he’s going to love us too.” Julie reasoned, her hands rubbing up and down on Alex’s forearms comfortingly.

“Of course, he’ll love us.” Flynn chimed in. 

“What’s not to love, we’re a delight.” Reggie and Flynn kept their tone light, clinking their glasses with each other. They tried to keep the humour up and distract Alex from his nervousness. It seemed to work as the taller boy gave them a timid smile from where he stood. The phone in his hand chimed and his demeanor tensed again as he read the glowing screen. The anxiety illuminated on his face from the pale light.

“Oh God, he’s here.” He pushed the phone into his back pocket hastily, his hands beginning to fidget again.

“It’ll be alright man. Everything’s chill.” Reggie reasoned.

“Yeah, it will be fine. You go find him and we’ll stay here until you're ready to introduce us, okay?” Julie gave the taller boy a soft pat on his shoulder. Alex looked down to her with an appreciative smile and as soon he looked ready, her hand trailed down to his back where she gave him a gentle nudge towards the main hallway. Alex took the cue and began slowly walking towards the living room door, while Julie got called over by her dad for a moment. 

“Go get him, tiger.” Flynn shouted in encouragement, though Alex had already made it out to the hallway and probably hadn’t even heard. Reggie took a sip of his drink and looked down to Flynn, the last two remaining.

“You know I wouldn’t really say Alex is a tiger. He’s probably more akin to a kitten.” Another contemplative sip. “Wait, no, no, more like a puppy.”

Flynn watched him with curiosity. A humorous grin on her lips. “What kind of puppy? Like a Golden Retriever.” 

“You’d think that, wouldn’t you? I was thinking more of Jack Russell or maybe a Chihuahua. They always seem kinda scared, kinda jittery and shaking and coincidentally so does Alex.” Reggie took the last swig of his drink, playing with the now empty glass in his hands, a smirk on his lips. Flynn giggled at his theory, following his lead and finishing her drink. She held out her hand for him to hand her his glass.

“I’ll go get us some refills.” Reggie handed the girl his glass with a smile and she hopped up heading through to the kitchen. Reggie sat in his solitude for a moment. Even in the crowded house, he still felt a bit on edge in his own silence so after a few minutes of Flynn not returning, he decided to follow her out the kitchen. Yet as he stood and turned to leave he came face to face with a duo of beaming smiles. Carrie and Bobby.

“Reggie, great to see you.” Bobby greeted, pushing his hands into the front pockets of his jeans as if he didn’t know what to do with them. Beside him, Carrie gave a shy wave and for a moment Reggie could understand why Flynn had a crush on her all those years ago. 

“Hey, it’s nice to see you guys. Flynn said you were coming.” Reggie swayed back and forth on his heels. He was thankful when Carrie was next to speak, asking Reggie what he was up to lately. Despite being in the same high school, they didn’t run in the same circles and managed to rarely see each other, though not that Reggie was complaining.

“Oh, you know, school work, getting ready for senior year. Working at the record shop a lot, trying to get better at the bass.” Reggie wasn’t technically lying, he just managed to do these things and have spare time but he didn’t wanna give off the impression of being available for much else at the moment. 

“Really cool, man. I’ve started on rhythm guitar. Maybe we can play together sometime?” Bobby gleamed, hopefulness filling up his whole face and Reggie immediately felt bad for being so hostile. In any other universe, he reminded himself. Maybe he couldn’t be what Bobby had wanted but that didn’t mean he couldn’t be the boy’s friend. 

“Yeah, that would be cool, dude.” The words slipped from Reggie’s mouth before he could comprehend them. Bobby’s face lit up at the idea and before he had a chance to regret his words, Julie and Flynn had come running up to the group, radiating an ecstatic energy that immediately defused any awkward tension that threatened to grow between the other three. 

“Reggie, Reggie! We just met Luke. He’s so cute.” Julie panted out in an excited breath as Flynn pushed the drink she had gotten Reggie into his hand. Reggie felt like he got whiplash from the whole ordeal.

“Oh my God, he’s an absolute sweetheart.” Flynn added in, nodding her head in agreement with Julie. “Alex wants to introduce you guys, they’re in the kitchen right now.” 

Reggie thanked his lucky stars that he had a legitimate reason to leave Carrie and Bobby instead of having to come up with one. Reggie was admittedly not the best liar. 

“Great, I’ll go meet him right now. I’ll see you guys later.” 

Backing away quickly from the group, Reggie was delighted to have the easy out and bonus, he was finally getting to meet Alex’s mystery beau. He maneuvered through the crowd into the kitchen spotting Alex’s golden hair standing above the crowd. He leaned against the archway that led into the dining room, a smaller body standing in front of him with hand pressed to Alex’s chest. Reggie looked to the ground as he made his way over to the pair, a sudden deep insecurity filling his body. What if Luke didn’t like him? What if he doesn’t like Luke? They had been assuring Alex all night that they’d love his boyfriend and Julie and Flynn seemed to be proof that he would too but there was still that lingering fear. What would they do then?

“Reggie!” He heard Alex exclaiming. Looking up to the pair as he reached them, Reggie found Alex’s wide twinkling grin, so big his eyes creased. The brunette boy who had been facing Alex turned, facing Reggie and that’s when Reggie laid eyes on him and suddenly all he could see was him. There he is. Standing before him as beautiful and enrapturing as he was the first time Reggie saw him. With a timid smile, he is mesmerizing, he is ethereal, he is everything Reggie dreamed he would be. 

But even in his wildest fantasies, they never met like this. With Alex standing between them, his hand delicately placed on Bus Boy’s shoulder, uttering words that make Reggie’s entire body freeze. 

“Reggie, meet Luke, my boyfriend.” 

Reggie’s still frozen, his body betraying him. He only hopes his eyes aren’t as wide as they feel because in that moment they feel like they could pop out of his head. Because for one year his life has been shrouded by the idea of ‘what if’. What if they met again? What if this time they fall in love? He had spent countless nights conjuring up scenarios and fantasies of how they’d finally meet. It felt like a punch to the gut because here was the boy that Reggie had been waiting for, and he was Alex’s. He was Luke who plays guitar and wants to start a band. Luke who is adventurous and passionate and who is an amazing kiss-. Reggie doesn’t dare think about that last one. Instead he ignores that pain in his chest that feels like someone is clutching his heart in their fist and he plasters a fake smile on, not caring if Alex can tell.

“Luke. Of course, lovely to meet you.” He holds out a slightly shaking hand. Luke raises his own and as soon as his warm touch presses against Reggie’s cold and clammy palm, he immediately wishes he hadn’t offered in the first place. His gaze flutters up from their attached hands to Luke’s face and he is sure he sees something flicker in the other boy’s eyes. Almost like recognition? Reggie’s mind is pulsing. Do you know who I am? Do you know who you are?

“And Luke, this is Reggie. My best friend since forever. You’ve already heard a lot about him.” Alex jokes and Reggie pulls his hand away.

“I’ve heard so much about you, it’s like I already know you.” Luke’s voice is soft and when it graces Reggie’s ears he swears he could cry. He notices that Luke’s hand was still floating mid air from where Reggie had hastily torn his away. Reggie doesn’t miss Luke’s phrasing and once again his mind is in overdrive trying to decipher if it means Luke remembers him.

“Isn’t he cute?” Alex quips, an enamored smile on his face as he wraps an arm around Luke’s broad shoulders. Reggie notices he’s wearing an oversized orange, wool, plaid shirt and he finds himself mourning the sight of his arms. Luke chuckles sheepishly at Alex’s words, looking a tad embarrassed and Reggie lets out a small, short lived laugh. He knows Alex doesn’t know anything, that he’s so happy and wrapped up in his boyfriend that he hasn’t noticed Reggie’s fake and tense demeanor. Reggie feels Alex is one question away from asking him if Luke looks ‘sexy with his hair pushed back’. 

“The cutest.” Reggie mutters quietly and suddenly he can’t breathe. He feels like Alex. Tense, jittery and wanting to crawl out of his own skin. His fight or flight response has been activated. He undoubtedly chooses ‘flight’. So that’s what he does, he runs.

“I’m just gonna use the bathroom real quick. I’ll see you guys in a bit.” He doesn’t make eye contact or waits for their response. He swiftly turns around and makes his way through the dining room and up the stairs. He bumps into people as he does and murmurs half hearted apologies. He doesn’t stop until he’s inside the bathroom, locking the door and feeling the tightening in his chest slowly ease as he breathes deeply, as if he had been running a marathon. He presses his back against the cool wood of the bathroom door. With the pressure against his back, his legs finally give out and Reggie finds himself sliding down the door to the ground. It was him. Really him. Luke. Bus Boy. Luke. Man of his literal dreams. Luke. Alex’s boyfriend. Luke. 

Reggie pulls his legs to his chest and wraps his arms around them, hugging them tight. He sucked in a deep breath but instead of breathing out, he held it for a moment feeling his body fill up with air. He let go, breathing out but it came in the form of a sob. He was in a safe space. In the Molina’s house, one of his favourite places. At the festive event that never failed to make him feel happy, loved and a part of a family. He tried to calm himself down, tried to make it feel like his chest was not going to cave in on him. So he sat, shaking, holding himself tightly in failed attempts to garner comfort. 

So he did the one thing he had never done at the Molina’s Christmas party before.

He cried.


	3. Three: don't blame me for falling

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, this chapter is 20 pages in length in docs which I'm really happy about since the last two chapters were quite short. The next chapter should be a similar length and will take a tad longer to write so the next update will probably come just after Christmas. Thanks for all the support so far and hope you all have a Merry Christmas!
> 
> Chapter title from 'To Be So Lonely' by Harry Styles  
> Happy reading!

Three: don’t blame me for falling  
December 2018

For the past year, Reggie had been undergoing reinvention. Or at least according to Alex he was. Reggie maintained he hadn’t been acting any differently than usual. As the months progressed his claims were getting less and less convincing and he found himself on the defense every time Alex or the girls asked him about it. He was still the bubbly and positive Reggie he always was but lingering just beneath the surface he felt broken, he felt lost, he felt everything and nothing simultaneously. Following the disaster of last Christmas and Bus Boy coming into his life in the least likely way possible, Reggie had been trying to figure out how to get everything back to normal. To everyone else life was normal, everything carrying on without a hitch, meanwhile Reggie felt like he was constantly feeling vertigo. Never letting his mind quiet down, constantly spinning. Never knowing what direction he was going, what his next move should be. He was going through the motions, just existing and trying to feel something more than the clutching tightness in his chest. Everything he did only seemed to be a means to an end. He was only doing school work so he could finish senior year and graduate. He was only working so he could make money. He was only dating so he could keep a certain green eyed singer off his mind, not cause he necessarily enjoyed any of it. Reggie had begun his year attempting to subtly but actively avoid Luke as much as possible and had continued to for most of the year. For the most part, Alex was still in his honeymoon phase, unaware of how every time Luke was around that Reggie had always conveniently found somewhere else to be. But now Luke and Alex were out of that honeymoon stage, they had been together a year and were in a proper committed relationship and Reggie found himself cursing his inability to let go and move on and admit that something that had felt like a cosmic event to him was really just another insignificant occurrence in the grand scheme of things.

Despite Alex’s parents taking his coming out relatively okay, they didn’t hold the same sentiment upon Alex admitting he was in a relationship and introducing them to Luke. It would seem they could deal with Alex’s sexuality as long as they didn’t have to hear about it and they could just sweep it under the rug yet the same couldn’t be said now that in their words, Alex was ‘acting upon it and lying with another man’. Alex had officially moved out that day and Reggie, like always, accepted him with open arms. Alex was always welcome with him but this time Reggie hadn’t accounted for the fact that now that Alex was permanently living with him, Luke also became a permanent fixture. He was constantly within his vicinity and Reggie was constantly finding new ways to dismiss himself from spending time with the pair. He prayed for the day that the ache in his chest grew smaller and duller until he had forgotten a time he was infatuated with Luke. But for everything Reggie didn’t know in life, he was certain of one thing. From the energetic and zealous way Luke spoke, to his over affectionate touches and loving regard for anyone he passed, from strangers to family, to the way his eyes could speak for him without him saying a word; Reggie knew that he was not someone you forgot about easily. Luke Patterson was a forever person. 

So rather than stand in the light that was Luke, Reggie found himself running away, figuratively and literally. Until the day he found himself running away from something else, someone else. That day in late June, when he had gotten home from work not wanting to go up the stairs to where, earlier that day, Alex had told him, him and Luke would be when Reggie returned. His mother had taken the same approach as Reggie the past couple of months, leaving to spend most of her time away from the house. The house that had become a prison for both of them alike. No one knew where she went and no one blamed her either. The house was just a place to lay your head at night, no longer a home. For Reggie, it was that night that he had packed his bags and left that house and left any small memory of a family that remained in it because it was on this night that his father, speaking with venom and whiskey on his tongue and a pent up anger in his bones had blamed his son for his wife leaving him all while painting Reggie’s skin with ocherous bruises. Alex and Luke had come running at the commotion, Luke keeping Mr. Peters at bay while Alex helped Reggie up long enough to gather their things with the promise of coming back and getting the rest while his father was away. 

The Molina’s had taken them in that night, and as Reggie registered everything that had happened, he cried. Body shaking and bones aching as Ray hugged him tightly, telling him everything would be okay, that they would figure something out. Reggie believed him, felt safe with him and he had told Ray as much the next day when they were alone, thanking the man for being the father he never got to have and watching as tears sprung to the eyes of the older man. He’d always known what real family was, knew who it was for him but that night had cemented the fact. The people in that room were his real family and that now happened to include Luke, even if Reggie failed to meet his eyes with his blurred vision to where Luke stood across the room with a worried expression. Unfortunately for Reggie and Alex, the Molina’s didn’t seem to have the facilities to house two grown boys and the two had never wanted to be a burden. It was also time for Alex and Reggie to admit, not only that they weren’t students anymore that at eighteen they were legally adults in the eyes of the law. They counted themselves lucky that after a couple of days of feeling like overstaying guests in the Molina household, Bobby had come to Alex and Reggie offering up his garage, that the three would sometimes play music in, for the two boys to stay. 

Reggie wished it was as easy as saying they agreed and it was smooth sailing ever since. What both Alex and Reggie had been through that year was messy and staying at Bobby’s was the first step to normality again. But for all that was great about the new accommodation, Reggie couldn’t ignore that he had gone from trying to avoid Alex and Luke together in the same house as him to now living in essentially the same room as Alex and it was getting harder to avoid the pair unnoticed. And then there was Bobby, sweet and wide eyed Bobby. It had pained Reggie trying to let him down easy but much to his surprise the guitarist had taken it much better than expected and the couple became fast friends. They began to hang out more, play music together and slowly Alex had joined them. They figured they would have been an adequate band, if any of them knew how to write a half decent song that wasn’t country. So Reggie was slowly finding his footing but of course he was still far from perfect. He had stopped dating and between every other event of the past year, he didn’t have time for it. He was feeling stuck so when graduation night had come around earlier in the year the boys had gotten Bobby’s cousin to buy them alcohol and without much thought, proceeded to get intoxicated beyond belief to celebrate or mourn the end of an era, which one, they weren’t sure. Between being flooded with his new emotions of displacement, only more heightened by the liquor and the fact that Luke was holding Alex close, lovingly and gently as if the blonde boy would break beneath his fingertips, Reggie hadn’t thought to question when somehow he found his lips in a fiery dance with Bobby's. 

Yes, Reggie was a self-proclaimed mess. So much so that now on this dark December morning, like many other mornings since that first kiss, Reggie found himself waking up tangled in Bobby’s navy sheets. Regardless, the two boys were still good friends and they never dared to let their nighttime escapades seep into their everyday lives. Living with Alex, Reggie knew the boy was well aware of where Reggie was every night when he slipped into the loft early the next morning though Alex never bothered to bring it up. Glancing to the clock on the bedside table, the shining red numbers blinded Reggie’s vision as he struggled to read the glowing ‘7:40’ that was staring back at him. Reggie knew he needed to be up and ready to open the record shop for nine, in for another day of long, everlasting shifts as Christmas shoppers littered the streets. Pushing aside the blankets, he pulled himself out of the bed with a groan as the cold quickly danced upon his exposed skin. Once he and Bobby had gotten used to their friends with benefits status, they’d quickly gotten over the pleasantries of their arrangement which included Reggie quietly sneaking out in the morning. He’d also learned just as quickly that Bobby was a heavy sleeper so Reggie didn’t think twice as he ambled around the room collecting his misplaced clothes from the night before. Heading down the stairs, he made sure to grab some of the pastries the Wilson’s always seemed to have fresh and for the taking before he made his way out to the loft. Alex had begun working at a local cafe a month ago and would undoubtedly be up and ready to work a similar gruesome Christmas rush shift. So Reggie automatically froze as he came face to face with Luke and not Alex as he came bounding into the loft wearing only a t-shirt and his underwear, his jeans draped over his shoulder with his shoes in one hand and a bag of breakfast food in the other. 

“Good morning.” Luke smirked at the disheveled Reggie, a smirk on his lips as he gave the boy a once over and Reggie could feel his entire body igniting. Luke’s two words were loaded with unspoken innuendo and Reggie could just tell his cheeks were aflame with an embarrassed blush. If Luke had noticed he didn’t say anything but his eyes were still on him and Reggie felt exposed. Moving further into the loft, he closed the door behind him and hurriedly made his way over to his things.

“Morning.” Reggie mumbled, barely managing not to stumble over his words. He kept his head down for the moment, as he rustled through his clothes, finding a pair of clean black jeans to pull on. Luke sat on the sofa, bending over to tie up his Vans, obviously only after getting dressed himself. Reggie glanced up to the stairs leading to the loft and not hearing a sound, wondered if Alex was up yet. “Where’s Alex?”

“In the shower.” Luke replied from over Reggie’s shoulder. Pulling his used t-shirt over his head, Reggie settled on a black sweater to get him through the cold winter day. 

“So what did you get up to last night?” Luke’s abrupt question threw Reggie off guard as he turned around on his heel to face the boy with the unkempt, brunette waves. He found that Luke’s eyes were already on him from where he stood by the couch, his hands stuffed awkwardly into the pockets of his blue sweatshirt. For a moment, Reggie had become hyper aware of the fact that Luke had been watching him dress before he had twisted around. 

When he didn’t immediately reply, Luke continued now more timid than he initially was. “You don’t have to say. Last night, Alex just mentioned you had plans when I asked where you were.” Luke’s head was down as his gaze lingered on his shoes, he was embarrassed, Reggie noticed, as if he thought he had overstepped. Reggie let his mind wander for a second at the thought of Luke asking about him until the rational, reasonable side of his brain reminded him it was probably because he wanted to spend alone time with his boyfriend.

“Oh, it was nothing important. Bobby and I wanted to try out some new songs together and thought we’d do it in the house and give you guys some peace.” Reggie really hoped he was a convincing liar. Luke looked up, their eyes meeting and Reggie really tried not to think about that day, the day their gazes had first met. “Croissant?” Reggie picked up the forgotten pastry bag, handing it out to Luke, as a peace offering, letting him know he didn’t take his question badly.

Luke’s eyes lit up at the gesture and he nodded his head before taking the outstretched bag from Reggie’s hands. Luke returned to the sofa and Reggie begged his brain to ignore the fact Luke was technically on his bed. The crackling of the paper bag opening made his closed eyes widen and his gaze found Luke again. 

“You coming?” Luke called back to him but his eyes were fastened on the croissant in his right hand. Reggie’s body started moving before his mind registered and he plopped down beside the boy who was already happily chewing away. Luke handed over the bag for Reggie’s taking, voicing his delights. “Thanks dude, this is amazing.” 

“So Alex said you guys play together sometimes, like a band?” Luke continued, his mouth still full of food as he did but Reggie could overlook that detail when Luke’s wide and attentive eyes were on him. Reggie omitted the shiver that threatened to overtake him at the gaze. With Luke’s eyes on him, almost studying him, Reggie wasn’t sure if he wanted to shy away and hide or beg for Luke’s gaze to never leave him. He tried to put up a front of indifference but his shaky hand reaching into the bag on his lap was a risk of jeopardizing just that. As Reggie opened his mouth in response, the gentle unlatching of the bathroom door caught his attention. A newly dressed Alex appeared from the doorway, a towel in his hand still shaking his hair dry and the scent of refreshing mint and tea leaves trickled into the room in his wake. 

“No, we’re not a band.” Reggie quickly muttered out under his breath, not sure Luke could even hear him. He glanced back at Alex guilty as if he had after being caught doing something he shouldn’t have. Being this close to Luke without the barrier of Alex right there between them felt like borderline sin. “Oh great, you’re out. I need to use the bathroom real quick, ‘cuse me.” 

Reggie leaped from the couch, near power walking as he passed by Alex to the bathroom. He could feel the blonde’s questioning eyes on him but he kept his head down. “Good morning to you too.” Alex’s sarcasm flooded his ears just as she closed the door behind him, locking it with a deep exhale. From the safety of those four small walls of the bathroom, he could hide away for a few moments to collect himself. From his hiding spot, he missed the confused look Alex gave Luke and the saddened shrug the other boy gave his boyfriend in return. Reggie ran the tap for a moment, leaning on the side of the sink cursing himself for being such a mess. His brain was always in overdrive around Luke and around Alex. He was in a state of disarray and powerless to stop it. He let his fantasies get the better of him around Luke and every defense he has built up to protect himself falls apart and he’s back to square one. And then there’s Alex, who every second he feels he is lying to, every second feeling when Alex looks at him a certain way that he knows the truth and exactly what he’s thinking. Because Reggie Peters was very much possibly in love with his best friend’s boyfriend and he could never, ever, as long as he walked this earth let Alex know that. 

After a few minutes had passed, Reggie deemed it safe to return to the garage hoping he wouldn’t make a fool of himself again. In the garage sat Alex on the couch, packing away his things for the day in his backpack. His worried eyes met Reggie’s upon his return and Reggie knew he had fucked up. He took a second to note that Luke wasn’t anywhere to be seen, his eyes glancing around the room for a sign of him. 

“Luke left.” Alex noticed Reggie’s search and filled him in. “Had to get home.”

Reggied nodded, slipping his fidgeting hands into his trouser pockets. “Oh.”

“He seemed to think you guys were finally starting to hit it off. You didn’t run off straight away like you usually do.” Alex didn’t waste time getting into the thick of things. “What is it, Reg? Do you not like Luke or something?” Reggie’s eyes widened for a second under Alex’s scrutinizing gaze. He always knew this conversation was going to come eventually, especially with the way Reggie had been evidently avoiding the pair, specifically Luke. He had just always thought the question would be quite the opposite. 

“Alex, of course not. Luke’s a really great guy.” At least he wasn’t lying with this one. Alex looked a bit exasperated, obviously hoping Reggie would have said a bit more. 

“Then what is it, Reg? Is it me? You avoid us like the plague most days, always wanting to hang out with Bobby. And I’ve met the guy, okay? He’s not that fun to be around for long and that’s coming from me.” Reggie tried not to reason that while Bobby may not have been that much fun, what he and Reggie did alone more than was. 

“It’s not you, Alex. And it’s not Bobby.” Reggie really should have come up with a better plan for the day that Alex, interrogating him about his absences came around. “It’s just..me.” Reggie sighed, because even if he was to outright explain how he was feeling he wasn’t even sure it would make sense. How was it supposed to make sense to anyone else when he couldn’t even understand himself anymore?

“You can tell me, Reg? I’m always here for you. Just because Luke is around, it doesn’t mean you’ll lose me.” Maybe not, but telling his best friend that his boyfriend is the stranger Reggie fell infatuated with at a bus stop two years ago and still proceeds to be enamored with to this day could be quite the deal breaker. What Alex says next, surprises Reggie, sending a cold jolt to his core.

“Is it Bus Boy?” Reggie’s unmoving stance must alert Alex that he had indeed hit on the right topic. “I know you’re upset you haven’t found him and I know I haven’t been the most supportive but I just hate seeing you like this, Reg. This hung up on a guy you never properly met, it can’t be good for you to be holding onto this.”

Reggie shook his head, eyes not meeting Alex’s as he spoke. Immediately as he stopped, Reggie hopped in. “It’s not about Bus Boy.” He almost flinched at his own words, the dramatic irony a bit too strong for his liking. He met Alex’s unwavering eyes, ones that said they didn’t believe him for a second.

“Okay, maybe it’s a bit about him. But it’s more so just romance in general.” Reggie reasoned. Technically he wasn’t lying but he wasn’t about to unload the whole truth. He thought of Alex’s words and how they rang true and he thought of Alex and how happy Luke made him. He needed to get over this, to stop holding onto something that was never there to begin with. He was standing in the way of Alex’s happiness but even more stupidly, he was standing in the way of his own. 

“You’re right, I need to stop holding onto it. For a while, the fantasy was nicer to live in than reality but I can’t do that forever, it’s not healthy. So I need to get over it and maybe seeing lovey dovey couples like yourself and Luke will get easier along the way.” He jested, finishing off with a timid grin, testing out the waters. Alex seemed to accept his declaration, a small smile of his own turning up the sides of his mouth. 

Reggie knew the first step to moving on was accepting that Luke and Alex were a couple and that they were truly perfect for each other and what better way to make sure his mind and his heart knew that then to see them as a couple, up close and personal. So before Reggie had time to regret his words, he made his way over to Alex, suggesting: “Why don’t you invite Luke over some night this week and we’ll watch a movie and get to know each other better?”

Alex’s gaze met Reggie to see if the smaller boy was serious. Upon finding not a shred of a joke, Alex’s face broke into a massive grin, his face beaming. “Yes! Reg, that would be amazing. I would love that, so would Luke.” 

Alex dropped his bag onto the coffee table, pulling Reggie into a tight hug and Reggie scooped Alex into his arms, revelling in the affection he had been missing. He knew it was his own fault for avoiding Alex so often these days but he finally felt like he was getting on the right path, finally finding acceptance in the universe and things within it he couldn’t control. Alex murmured a quiet ‘thank you’ into Reggie’s shoulder and Reggie made sure to give him one last tight squeeze before they let go. 

Alex gave Reggie one last pat on the back as they broke apart before returning to his abandoned bag. Reggie shuffled over to the pastry bag he had deserted in his haste, as he reached down to grab the bag he heard Alex let out a muffled laugh. Reggie glanced at the boy from over his shoulder to find Alex with his hand over his mouth and his eyes on his best friend.

“Geez, Reg, you need to take it easy on your night time activities with Bobby.” Alex sputtered through his laugh, his chuckle only getting harder to stop when he saw Reggie’s confused face.

“What are you talking about? We were just making music-” Alex cut off Reggie before the brunette could finish his defense. 

“Yeah, yeah. You guys were just making music. Sweet, sweet music.” Alex’s tone was playful and Reggie’s cheeks were lit aflame with the insinuation in his words. He grabbed his backpack and slung it over his shoulder as he passed by the still bewildered Reggie. 

“What are you talking about?” Reggie questioned as Alex reached the garage doors. Alex spun around on his heel, facing his best friend as he pointed to the back of his neck, implying Reggie should have a look at his own.

“Love you, Reg. Have a good day at work.” Alex pushed the door open, shaking his head in laughter as Reggie continued to ask him what he meant as he left. “See you tonight!” 

With that last farewell, Alex was gone and the befuddled Reggie remained. He lifted a cautious hand to the back of his neck, immediately coming into contact with a small sting at the base of his neck and his eyebrows furrowed in question. Running over to the small mirror that hung from the wooden garage wall, he turned his back to face the surface and looked over his shoulder slowly. It was there that he caught a glimpse of what Alex had been referring too. Reggie whipped off his sweater to get a better look and his eyes widened. There was no ignoring the fact that from the base of his neck, lining most of his back were reddened scars or more specifically scratches from fingernails raking up and down his back all last night. He exhaled a pathetic breath in embarrassment but suddenly it got much worse. Because then Reggie had thought back to earlier, to the fact Luke’s eyes had been glued to Reggie as he had changed his shirt and now he knew exactly what had attracted Luke’s attention. Reggie let his head fall, his hand raking through his hair as he muttered, exasperated.

“Bobby, I’m going to kill you.” 

❄

Two days later, Alex had come home with a bag brimming with Christmas decorations in one hand and a bag of snacks in the other and Reggie found himself trying to keep his emotions at bay as Alex told him the effort was for him. Reggie had been admittedly down and out of sorts for quite awhile and Alex wanted to give him something to smile about. Reggie had wasted no time getting stuck into the decorations quite literally as Alex had to untangle his elated friend from Christmas lights on numerous occasions. It was also the night that Luke was coming over to spend quality time with Alex and Reggie and Reggie had spent the days since he suggested the idea, mentally preparing himself. 

“Reggie, the baubles are falling off again.” Reggie glanced down at Alex from his spot on the loft stairs where he was curling tinsel around the wooden planks. Alex stared dejectedly down at the fallen Christmas tree ornament, shoulders sagging. 

“It’s fine, ‘Lex. Just put the star on the top and it’ll look fine.” Reggie hopped off the ladder, prancing over to Alex merrily as the notes of ‘Santa Baby’ flooded from the speakers, gently filling the room around them. Admittedly Christmas was a bit different this year. The pair would spend it together in the loft without a full Christmas feast, without family but they had each other and that’s all they needed. Reggie picked up the rogue bauble, throwing it back and forth between his hands as he looked back at the Christmas tree. Well technically, it wasn’t so much a Christmas tree as it was a house plant. The boys had to be practical and it was a much cheaper alternative. 

“And now for the finale, the star.” Alex stated dramatically, pulling their makeshift ‘star’ out from behind his back and placing it at the top of their unorthodox tree. For their star, they had both agreed that sticking a picture of Freddie Mercury onto a piece of cardboard was much more their style and a more comfortable replacement for something that could be seen as a religious symbol. Even though he didn’t admit it, it was visible that Alex was having a hard time with religion lately and Reggie couldn’t blame him after everything that had gone down with his parents. He knew Alex still saw his Mother on occasion, it would seem Mr. Mercer was the real problem for Alex having to leave home. 

“Now that is one sexy Christmas tree.” Reggie joked, crossing his arms over his chest and nodding in appreciation of their decor. But instead of taking a moment to do the same, Alex was moving again, onto the next thing as he set out food for the group movie night. 

Reggie immediately recognised the apprehensive way Alex moved about the loft, unable to stay still. “Dude relax, Luke’s been here tons of times, everything looks great.” 

“I’m not nervous.” Alex was less convincing when he was striding back and forth and burning a hole in the ground with his pacing. Reggie moved around the couch to reach his friend, outstretching his hands to Alex and grasping his shoulders to make the taller boy stop.

“I think you got your steps in for today, buddy. Cool it for a moment.” Reggie’s gaze searched out Alex’s waiting until the blonde boy looked up to meet his eyes. Reggie began taking deep breaths in and breathing out at a steady pace until he noted Alex mirroring his actions. He gave his friend a reassuring smile as Alex began to calm. 

Over Alex’s shoulder, Reggie noticed Luke slip into the loft, closing the garage door after him. Alex, still focused on his breathing, didn't notice his boyfriend until he spoke up. “Hey, what are you guys doing?” 

Alex instantly whirled around to face his boyfriend, Reggie losing the grip he had on his shoulders. “Ah..we we're just-” 

Alex was getting the high pitched tone he got when he was flustered or embarrassed and Reggie immediately stepped in. “Oh, Alex was just asking me if there was anything stuck in his teeth. Clean as a whistle, baby.” 

Reggie knew Alex was still abashed by the fact that he still got anxious about Luke even after a year of dating. So as Reggie came to his side and wrapped an arm around his best friend’s shoulders, Alex sent him a sheepish but appreciative smile at his quick quip. 

“So what are we watching? I’m dying to get into the food Alex bought.” Reggie continued, surprised at himself for being the one who was keeping the night from devolving into awkward silence. He had thought it would have been Alex who would save him from being an uneasy, embarrassed mess. 

“You guys didn’t have to wait for me to dig in.” Luke laughed, shrugging off his plaid shirt and draping it over the back of a chair and revealing his sleeveless tee underneath. This man and his sleeveless tees in the middle of winter.

“Oh well, I wanted to but Alex wouldn’t let me. He said something about manners, yada yada.” Reggie sent a knuckle up to ruffle Alex’s hair all in good fun. Immediately, Alex pushed him away, a chortle leaving his mouth as he did so. Luke watched the two fooling around with a fond smile on his lips. Reggie jumped the couch, landing on the cushions with a bounce and instantly grabbed a chip from the bowl on the table. 

“Hey, I told you to wait.” Alex scolded him, gently hitting the back of his head with his hand. Reggie looked back at the blonde with wide eyes. 

“You said to wait for Luke. Luke is now here so I can eat. I’m a man with needs, what more do you want from me, ‘Lex?” Reggie met Alex’s eyes and held the boys gaze like a challenge as he popped the food in his mouth and began to chew it exaggeratedly. Alex just rolled his eyes, grabbing Luke’s hand and leading him to the couch to join Reggie.

“So what are we watching?” Luke asked, plopping down on the couch on the other side of Alex. Following Reggie’s lead and already digging into the food laid out before them. 

“Well, the only movies Reggie managed to bring from home was the Star Wars box set, so one of them?” 

Reggie noted the judgement in Alex’s voice as he said this, he had never been that big of a fan of the franchise and every day Reggie chastised him for it. Alex pushed himself up from the couch, grabbing the DVDs from under the television. “So will we just watch A New Hope?” 

“The Empire Strikes Back.” Reggie corrected, straight away. It was clearly the superior of the trilogy. It had taken a moment for Reggie to realise he hadn’t been the only one to express the sentiment. As Alex’s eyes flickered between the two boys on the couch before him, Reggie turned to look at Luke who moments before had answered the same as Reggie in sync. 

“What are you? The same person?” Alex laughed, popping the movie out of the case as Reggie and Luke still kept their gazes latched onto one another before Luke finally spoke.

“It’s easily the best of the three.” A sheepish smile on his face as he said so. Reggie let out a breathless ‘Yeah’ in response before clearing his throat as Alex returned to sit between the two.

“Yeah, definitely.”

Throughout the movie, the trio had joked and chatted, well more so Luke and Reggie than Alex as he wasn’t such a fanatic as the two brunettes. But as Luke and Reggie theorized about the recent Star Wars movies and exchanged critiques and predictions, Alex sat between them silently with a soft smile on his face, glad to have the two most important people in his life getting along.

During the third act, Reggie had slipped out to use the bathroom only returning to find Luke and Alex cuddled up together, Alex’s head buried in Luke’s neck, more than likely falling asleep. Deciding to let the two have their space, Reggie came back to the two, grabbing his discarded blanket from the floor and wrapping himself in it in the single armchair to the side of the couch. He didn’t dare look at the couple, though he knew they didn’t think twice about his return. Reggie settled in again and pulled his blanket around him like protection as Han Solo was about to be frozen in carbonite. With an adoring smile unconsciously taking over his lips as he watched Leia admit her love only for Solo to reply ‘I know’, Reggie wrapped his arms around his legs, hugging them to himself. He resolved to only think about the movie and keep his eyes away from the couple beside him but unbeknownst to Reggie, he was the only one watching the film. Alex omitted tiny snores from where his head was buried in Luke’s neck while Luke himself watched the smaller brown haired boy curled up in a Mickey Mouse blanket enraptured with the movie on screen. Eventually he would have to break his tender gaze away from Reggie but for the moment he stuck to scolding himself for his inability to look away.

❄

Reggie had fallen a victim to peer pressure. Admittedly it didn’t look at all like those informational videos they were shown in high school had portrayed it to be. This way had seemed much more subtle, so much so that Reggie didn’t even realise what was happening until he was pressured into a corner and making a choice he might inevitably regret. 

Bobby had watched him with cautious eyes upon hearing the question that had stumbled out of Reggie’s mouth in a quick breath. “Did you just ask me out again? I thought we were past this and were happy with the way things are?”

Moments before Reggie had rushed out of the garage to ask Bobby to go out with him, he had been sitting happily among his friends in the loft. Luke and Alex sitting closely on the couch, Luke gently strumming out the chords to ‘Stacey’s Mom’ lazily as Julie and Flynn danced together, jumping around the loft as they sang along. Reggie had sat on the floor in his own world, not taking notice of when the conversation had shifted onto dating. He had tuned back in upon Julie asking him about the last time he was on a date. He had shifted uncomfortably as Flynn and Alex joined in the interrogation, his uneasy demeanor going unnoticed by everyone but Luke, who gently asked the others to give Reggie a break, his eyes still lingering on the strings of his guitar. 

Reggie had felt awkward and while he appreciated Luke’s support, it also had served to make him feel more embarrassed in light of his friend’s teasing. He didn’t know how to respond so upon hearing Bobby’s car roll into the driveway, he had escaped outside before his brain had fully comprehended his plans. So that’s where he met Bobby, asking out his friend and watching his bewildered face apprehend the situation. 

“I know, I am happy with the way things are but the guys were messing around and asking me why I haven’t been dating so I came out here…” Reggie didn’t know how to finish that sentence because he knew there was no possible way of making it okay. He couldn’t even hide the fact he was using poor Bobby.

“Oh I get it.” Bobby cut in, crossing his arms over his chest. “You want me to give you a pity date. So you can save face.” 

Reggie’s eyes widened and he was quick to make excuses. “No! No, that’s not it at all.” 

“So, what? You were heading out here to ask me out completely unmotivated by the guys teasing you in there?” Bobby pointed over Reggie’s shoulder to the garage in the distance, Reggie glancing behind him to find where Alex and Julie were poking their heads through the ajar door, spying on the pair. Upon meeting his gaze, Julie tugged Alex back into the garage closing the door behind them. Without the feeling of prying eyes on the pair now, Reggie turned back to Bobby to find him smirking down at the slightly smaller boy and Reggie was glad that he hadn’t seemed offended by the situation.

“Meet me here at seven, Peters.” Bobby instructed, as he turned away from the boy heading towards the door of his house. Calling back over his shoulder; “Don’t be late. Wouldn’t want to keep your ‘date’ waiting.” 

Reggie shook his head at the guitarist. “You’re annoying.” Though, his smile remained. 

And that is how, hours later Reggie found himself standing in the chilly night air, as the echoes of clabbering knocks of leather balls connecting with wooden mallets filled the atmosphere around to the two. Reggie raised an eyebrow as Bobby held out the wooden club to him with an excited grin overtaking his face. 

“Batting cages?” Reggie asked, accepting Bobby’s offering of the baseball bat. Feeling the weight of the heavy lumber in his hands. 

“Well, I wasn’t going to bring you to a fancy restaurant or anything if that’s what you were thinking.This is a pity date after all.” Bobby jested, laughing as he grabbed the rest of their hired gear. Reggie hadn’t expected that either but Bobby had never told him he liked baseball and Reggie was hit with the realisation that he had never bothered to ask and delve into his friend’s personality outside of what Bobby outright told him. 

He didn’t have time to dwell as Bobby began walking towards the cages, leading himself and Reggie inside his own cage beside Bobbys. “You know much about batting cages? About baseball?” 

Reggie played with the bat in his hand, shaking his head. “Nothing outside of that one baseball sequence in Twilight.” 

“Jesus.” Bobby mumbled through a laugh at Reggie’s admission. “Well then,” Bobby grabbed Reggie’s helmet, pushing it down onto the other boy's head. “Saddle up, Cowboy.”

Reggie had spent the next thirty minutes of their session, following Bobby’s instructions for hitting the oncoming baseballs and while Reggie had hit a few, he hadn’t managed the same power Bobby had been putting into his strikes.

“How do you do that?” Reggie quizzed, as he watched Bobby through the chain fence that separated their cages. One last slap to a baseball and Bobby turned towards Reggie, slightly out of breath. He hadn’t missed one of his baseballs, Reggie had easily missed many. 

“It’s like an outlet. Like you and music.” Bobby reasoned and Reggie nodded in understanding. “I just collect everything that has been bothering me over time in my head and I put everything into my swing. Once you get into it, it’s a bit hard to stop. For me, anyway.”

Reggie registered everything Bobby had explained and he could understand and see the appeal to the activity. He thought about everything that had been building up inside him for the past year, collecting it all inside his head. He thought about the way his father had treated him, how he dared lay hands on his only son never showing a shred of remorse. He thought about his mother and how the last he heard from her was a phone call almost a month after the incident, he was assured that’s how long it took her to notice he was even gone. He thought about how he lived in a garage, unknowing of what the future held for him and Alex. He thought about Bobby and how he couldn’t just be in love with him, how simple that would be. He thought about Alex and how he felt like a fraud around his own best friend, feeling he was undeserving of still having him there, loving and supporting Reggie. Reggie hated himself for keeping this from him but he was selfish and couldn’t bear to lose his best friend. And lastly, he thought about Luke. He was no longer Bus Boy, he wasn’t an idea anymore, he was a real person. Reggie couldn’t hold onto his fantasy any longer, he had to let him go if he wanted to keep everyone who was important to him. 

Bobby must have noticed the wheels turning within Reggie’s head as the two stood in momentary silence. “Want to give it another go?” 

Reggie nodded silently, turning back towards the oncoming baseballs. He lifted the bat over his shoulder, his sweaty palms twisting around the hard surface. With a deep, steady breath he awaited the next strike. Rolling his shoulders, his mind felt compressed, all his anger, frustrations, sadness pressing together and threatening to implode. On the counter, the baseball shot out towards Reggie just as his mind felt like it was ripping at the seams. Pulling his body tight, he swung the bat, clutching it rigidly, his knuckles turning white with the strain. He let out a grunt as the bat collided with the ball, sending it flying into the air and Reggie marvelled at the impact, the power. The shockwave of the collision traveled through the bat and into Reggie’s body and he understood what Bobby felt. It was an outlet, it was an exhilarating feeling and Reggie needed more. He repeated the process several times again, each time revelling in the feeling like it was the first time. Eventually, Reggie hit a wall, out of breath and with shaking, tired arms he let himself fall against the chained wall of the cage, sitting down on the cold ground for a moment.

“Looks like you had a lot you needed to get out.” Bobby commented, mirroring Reggie’s movements, planting himself on the ground, his back pressed against the fence, feeling Reggie’s tense back through the thin wires. 

Reggie’s hands fiddled with his sleeves, head down. He had heard the lingering concern in Bobby’s comment even if the other boy had tried to pass the remark off as casual. Reggie let his head fall back against the chain fence with a thud, the movement shaking Bobby slightly. With closed eyes and a sharp intake of breath, Reggie decided Bobby was someone who listens and understands and he felt safe with him so he tried not to overthink as he let the words slip out. “Alex will never forgive me.” 

Even with his eyes closed he could feel Bobby’s body tense with question, though he didn’t move. “What would he not forgive you for?” 

“There’s a reason why I can’t go on actual dates with you. Why this can’t work as something more. Because there’s something else. There's-” 

“Someone else.” Bobby finished. Reggie nodded his head in confirmation but they both didn’t need it to know Bobby’s assumption was right. “And it’s because of this person, Alex won’t be able to forgive you?”

Reggie let out a breathless sob. “Yeah.”

“Luke.” Bobby mumbled and Reggie felt his chest tighten. Bobby was the first person he had told and now it wasn’t just a thought in his head, an inner turmoil, he had spoken it out into the world, now fact, now real. 

“Do you remember that time Alex told you about Bus Boy?” Reggie glanced over his shoulder gently to see Bobby facing straight ahead and Reggie tried to decipher if it was easier not being able to see his facial expressions.

Bobby let out a small laugh and Reggie felt a tad more at ease. “Your Bus Boy?” Reggie’s heart ached because he wasn’t ‘his’, he never was. “The random guy you saw at a bus stop and were obsessed with? Like probably planned your dream wedding kind of obsessed?” 

Reggie rolled his eyes and only then noticed that tears threatened to spill. He sniffled and immediately the atmosphere around the two changed. “Luke is Bus Boy.” 

Bobby’s manner switched in seconds from the lighthearted joking it had been as he whispered, “Fuck.”

“Yeah. Fuck.” Reggie agreed, his voice mirroring Bobby’s quiet octave. It felt obscene to talk about the topic any louder. 

“Reg, I know you probably feel conflicted now but Alex could never hate you. You’ve been best friends for too long for something like this to break you two apart.” Bobby’s voice was delicate but stern, he wanted Reggie to hear and understand every word. “You have feelings for Luke and it’s one screwed up twist of fate the circumstances you are in. But Alex will understand that.”

“But what if I can never tell him the truth?” Reggie asked after a moment of contemplative silence. Bobby rested his head against the wire, both their heads leaning against each other and Reggie found it oddly comforting.

“That depends on what you plan to do instead?” 

Reggie sighed, he knew the answer. Deep down, since that day that Alex had introduced the pair Reggie had known the answer. It was the only thing he could do. “I keep it to myself and overtime it’ll go away.” 

“Then that’s what you have to do. But Reg, take care of yourself. Just cause you’re looking out for everyone else doesn’t mean you get to dismiss your own feelings.” Reggie could feel Bobby shift, turning to face Reggie through the wire cage. “And if you need me, I’m always here. I don’t want you to bottle things up. And if you don’t want to talk to me, you know what you do?”

Reggie moved his body to face his friend and found Bobby’s gaze. He watched Reggie with a gentle and loving look that Reggie instantly found comfort in. “What?”

“You come here and beat the shit out of some baseballs.” Reggie laughed but nodded his head in agreement, it sounded like a plan. “Promise?”

Bobby outstretched his pinky figure, sticking it through the chain link fence to Reggie. Without a moment of hesitation, Reggie wrapped his pinky around Bobbys. “Promise.” 

Reggie was afraid to bring up his next question, although he already knew what the only plausible course to take was. “And, what about us?”

Bobby still held Reggie’s pinky, a soft yet sad smile overtaking him. “We were friends first and I think it’s best that’s what we focus on being now. I love you, Reg. You’re one of my best friends and I wouldn’t want to trade that for anything.”

“I love you too. I wish I could love you in a different way. It would have been great. So easy. So simple.” Bobby met Reggie’s dejectful gaze but he rolled his eyes, a teasing smile tugging at his lips.

“Eh, simple is overrated anyway.” Bobby used his pinky that was still latched on Reggie’s to shake the boys hand. “So what do you say, my dysfunctional friend, that we go get some hot chocolate and listen to some Dolly on the ride home?” 

Reggie immediately lit up at the suggestion and he was overwhelmingly grateful for Bobby Wilson. “You know, for a friend, you sure know how to speak my love language, Wilson.” 

Bobby resisted the urge to roll his eyes again, finally letting go of Reggie’s pinky in exchange of pushing himself off the ground to stand. Reggie’s gaze followed him as he did so. Bobby looked down at him and with a small chuckle, nudged the wire separating them with his foot.

“Get up and let’s go, you loser.”

❄

True to his word, Bobby had blasted Dolly Parton all the way home as Reggie happily sipped his hot chocolate and felt truly at peace for the first time in God knows how long. Breaking apart from a long overdue hug at the top of the driveway, Reggie thanked Bobby and bid him a goodnight before he made his way back to the garage. He left much lighter and elevated, feeling a weight off his shoulders after talking to Bobby and maybe just maybe, he was coming together again back to the version of Reggie he had missed. Pulling open the door to the garage, his good mood slowly dissipated at finding a sorrowful looking Luke lounging on the couch. 

“Hey, good night?” Luke was quick to shuffle around in his spot trying to seem less downcast than he had looked when Reggie had entered but the other boy had already witnessed his demeanor. 

“It was fine. What about you guys? Where’s Alex?” Reggie closed the door behind him lightly, instantly looking around the loft once he turned around, trying to search out the blonde boy.

Luke placed the mug he had been cradling in his hands down onto the coffee table in front of him. “He’s upstairs, asleep.” Reggie glanced at his watch, it was only a little bit after ten. He knew Alex liked to fall asleep earlier than Reggie but anytime before midnight was still a bit square, even for Alex.

“Or well, he’s passed out.” Luke corrected and Reggie’s questioning eyes immediately flew to him as Luke continued. “He had a little too much to drink.” 

Reggie moved from his position beside the door closer to the couch, looking at Luke as if he had heard him incorrectly like he hoped he had. “Alex was drinking? Like actual alcohol?”

Luke nodded his head in answer, scratching the back of his neck as he sighed. Reggie’s eyebrows creased as he comprehended the information. After their night of getting almost blackout drunk at graduation and Alex spending a considerable amount of time getting acquainted with the toilet bowl, he had sworn off drinking. 

“What happened tonight?”

Reggie moved to sit beside Luke, finally noticing how exhausted the other boy looked. “Alex and I went to go ice skating in town and when we were leaving, Alex saw his family.” 

Reggie sucked in a breath, it was obviously still a sore subject for Alex. “They were a bit away but Alex froze and the whole rest of the night he kept saying he was fine but he obviously wasn’t. When we got back here, he immediately went for Bobby’ stash. I tried to talk to him, get him to listen and stop but nothing worked. Eventually, I had to just let him do it.”

“He’s gonna hate himself in the morning.” Reggie hissed at the thought of the hangover his friend would be experiencing tomorrow. 

“He passed out an hour ago and I’ve just been here…” Luke trailed off, fiddling his thumbs and Reggie’s chest hurt, having never seen Luke look this dejected before, this vulnerable.

“Nursing the fallout?” Reggie offered, Luke met his eyes and nodded. Despite the helpless way he felt, he still managed to give the boy an appreciative smile. 

Reggie was surprised when Luke continued, confiding in him. “I just felt so useless. I tried but I couldn’t do anything for him. I just had to sit idly by and watch. It sucked.”

“Luke, there’s nothing you could have done. You couldn’t have known that would happen or how Alex would react. If we’re being honest here, even though it’s definitely not an ideal coping mechanism, him drinking a bit too much at home with someone he trusts isn’t the worse case scenario at least.”

Luke’s shoulders fell, he nodded slowly at Reggie’s words. “But I just wished he could feel like he could talk to me instead of having to do that to deal with it.”

Reggie gave him a sad, sympathetic smile that went unnoticed by Luke as he stared at his own hands. “Hey, don’t beat yourself up about this, man. Everyone has their different ways of dealing with things and Alex lets all this stuff build up until one day he’ll vent it all out without even realising he is doing it. Don’t take it personally, okay?” 

Luke looked up at Reggie with a renewed hopefulness in his eyes. “Thanks, Reg.”

“You make him happy, Luke. You’re good for him.” Reggie placed his hand on the boy's shoulder, giving it a comforting squeeze. He ignored the jump in his own chest when he let it linger for a moment. He pulled it away and decided tonight would have to be the beginning of his new plan to vigorously ignore these feelings.

Luke’s gaze fell for a moment, looking less enthusiastic about Reggie’s words and he wondered if he had said the wrong thing. But then Luke had met his eyes again, hazel eyes gleaming as he asked. “So what about you? How was your date?”

Reggie stumbled over his words for a moment, not having expected Luke to change the subject so soon and put the spotlight on him. “Oh, well. We decided we were better off as friends.” 

Luke blinked, taking in how casually Reggie expressed the news. “Oh, dude, I’m so sorry.”

“Oh no, it’s probably the best way the night could have ended.” Reggie said with a fond smile, remembering his and Bobby’s heart to heart. Luke’s phone chimed beside them and he watched as the shaggy haired boy glanced at the screen before locking the phone again. When he looked up, his gaze met Reggie’s.

“My mom.” Luke answered the unspoken question between the two.

Reggie nodded, understanding. “Is she worried? Do you need to get home? I can watch over Alex just fine if you need to head.” 

Luke shook his head, discarding his phone on the coffee table before them, not as interested in the device as his conversation with Reggie. “No, it’s fine. I might stay if that’s cool?” 

“Yeah. Yeah, that’s cool.” He cursed himself for sounding like such an idiot. 

“She’s not too worried anyway, she knows Alex is the only person I really hang out with. I don’t really have anyone else.” Luke admitted sheepishly, his Van covered feet tapping against the carpet. 

“That can’t be true.” Reggie was incredulous, he didn’t understand how a person like Luke was surrounded by his own social circle. He would have thought the whole solar system would orbit around someone like Luke, specifically.

“Well, when I dropped out of high school a year ago, I kinda lost contact with most of the people there.” Reggie could see that Luke’s smile was beginning to slip and he wouldn’t allow that. He playfully swatted the back of his hand against Luke’s thigh, making the other boy meet gaze.

“Hey, you got us now, dude. You’re a member of whatever it is our small band of weirdos is.” Luke’s eyes softened at the sentiment and he gave Reggie an appreciative, timid smile.

“It was actually about the same time I met Alex while out busking.” Reggie swallowed and tried not to think of a very specific, very similar time he had encountered Luke busking. 

“If you weren’t in school is that what you were doing instead, busking?” Reggie tried to keep the conversation moving before he focused too much on that detail.

“Sometimes. Mostly during the day when I get a chance, I’ll busk around the city.” Luke’s eyes lit up about music as he began talking about it and if Reggie hadn’t already known, his expression would have been enough to let him know this was something Luke was extremely passionate about. 

“Most nights I work at The Orpheum. Serving drinks and cleaning the spilled ones but I get to see a lot of shows.” Reggie’s eyes widened, unable to grasp just how cool it was that Luke worked somewhere like that. “So for now I’ll keep busting tables and who knows, maybe someday I’ll get my chance on that stage instead.”

Reggie couldn’t help but be in awe. Luke had a rockstar quality, a raw magnetism and he couldn’t deny that it made sense that Luke would someday end up on that stage and stages even bigger, everywhere. As much as he’d like to keep Luke a secret within their little group, the world deserved to know him, to see what Reggie saw, to bask in his glow. 

Reggie’s eyes flickered to where his bass, Alex’s drums and Bobby’s guitars lay, unused and frankly looking a little lonely. With a grin making its way to Reggie’s lips, he looked to Luke, offering the boy a proposition.

“It may not be The Orpheum but do you wanna play now? With me?” Reggie raised his eyebrows in question. Luke’s face broke out into an uncontainable grin.

“Yes!” He said, jumping from the couch and instantly running to pick up the red electric guitar tenderly, as if it was a newborn. Quickly, Luke twisted around on his heel to face Reggie who was making his way to the bass. “Wait, what about Alex?”

Reggie glanced up the loft before looking back to Luke, lifting his bass and pulling the strap over his neck. “Trust me, we’re fine. He’s not waking up anytime soon.”

Luke chuckled lightly, putting down the electric and opting for the acoustic, pulling the guitar over his shoulder. “Fine, but maybe we go unplugged, just in case.”

They played covers, finding new ways to change them up and make them their own before Luke felt brave enough to bring up some of his original works that him and Reggie played around with. It felt easy, it felt like they’d known each other most of their lives. It worked between them, it felt right.

That’s what it was supposed to be like between friends, right?


	4. Four: you sunshine, you temptress

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter four is here and it's twenty four pages long and I may have teared up while writing a part of it so do with that info what you will.   
> I have to start work on essays for college soon so the next chapter probably won't be written or posted until the weekend/start of next week.  
> But thank you so much to everyone reading, leaving kudos and commenting. I love hearing what you guys think!  
> Also could you tell I was listening to Billy Joel while writing some of this? I don't think I made it obvious at all. :)  
> Chapter title from the song 'Fine Line' by Harry Styles
> 
> Happy reading!

Four: you sunshine, you temptress  
December 2019

Reggie wasn’t sure when the quartet had become something akin to an actual band. Luke had been the real driving force behind it. Since that day a year ago when Reggie had extended the olive branch to the Patterson boy, the pair kindled a friendship and from that they began playing together more. It had started as sneaky jam sessions while the others were away, to Luke finding a confidant in Reggie and fellow songwriter that he could constantly bounce his ideas off of. Slowly their practice sessions were noticed by Alex who in turn joined the pair. Whenever Bobby would return from college on certain weekends or holidays, he would complete the group though it was apparent he wasn’t as enthused as the other two boys when Luke suggested the group take their impromptu jam sessions and turn it into something real. Reggie knew Bobby loved music, just as much as the other boys but he was the only one in college, working, trying to form a life and he didn’t have the time to be in a full time band nor the position to drop everything to risk it all. 

So Bobby played with them on occasion, still appreciating the chance to join his friends. Reggie hadn’t divulged the details of what had happened that night at the batting cages with anyone and as he and Bobby stayed close friends he couldn’t ignore the looks he’d receive from everyone else. Julie appreciated the fact the two were able to keep an amiable friendship despite everything yet he constantly would find Alex’s curious eyes on him if Bobby so much as left a lingering touch on Reggie’s shoulder. Reggie also had begun to realise that Luke didn’t like Bobby all that much. From sharp, unimpressed looks towards the boy to as far as ignoring him on occasion, everyone could sense it but no one dared bring up the matter and if Bobby was obvious to the fact, he never mentioned it. 

True to his promise, Reggie had come to Bobby for help and advice more times than he could count following that night. Bobby never judged, never said more than was needed. He listened, he understood and he comforted his friend. Reggie was grateful for nights like those and talks like those, only noticing how much he missed and needed them once Bobby had returned to college. The boy was only a call away but it seemed he had a whole other life at university, one Reggie wasn’t in and knew nothing about and calling Bobby to whine about his problem of the week seemed too much of a burden. So Reggie never found it in him to make that call. Instead, he stayed true to the second part of the promise he made that night. Whenever he couldn’t go to Bobby, he went to the batting cages. Sometimes he found himself going there at least once a month, it was something no one knew about, something just for him. It was a time he valued, as he basked in the solitude, cherished the quiet and worked through his mind. 

It had felt weird staying at Bobby’s still while the boy was away. Mrs. Wilson insisted she loved the boys and that they were no disturbance at all but Reggie was beginning to feel like a tribulation and he knew Alex was feeling the same. They both knew the time would come sooner rather than later that they would have to find alternative accommodation and as the beginning of December had come around it seemed like Alex was making headway. 

Ever since Alex had moved out of his home for good, he had still kept in contact with his Mother and his younger sister, Alice. Growing up with frequent visits to the Mercer household, Reggie had noted that Mr. Mercer wasn’t the nicest guy to be around. The man was distant, cold and it hurt Reggie’s heart that Alex had grown up believing this was ordinary dad behaviour, not knowing anything different. Sure, Reggie’s dad was far from winning any ‘Best Dad of the Year’ awards but at least he could remember a time where he would play catch with Reggie, introduce him to bands he loved in his youth, a time when he would hug his son instead of hitting him. But then Reggie was left wondering, maybe Alex was better off not really knowing. How can you miss something you never had?

In recent years, especially after Alex’s practical disownment by his father, it became inarguable that Mr. Mercer was the root of every problem Alex had with his parents. So when Alex returned from his weekly lunch with his mother and sister weeks prior telling Reggie that his Mother had left his father, the pair couldn’t find it in them to find sadness in the news. Reggie was ecstatic for Alex, it’s what his friend needed and what his friend deserved. Reggie had admitted over a year ago that he was better off without his family and since then had never looked back but it wasn’t the same circumstances for Alex. Alex held the weight of his separation from his family close to his chest, laying heavy on his heart and for so long Reggie had feared the everlasting effects of it on his friend. 

So Reggie was overjoyed, Alex had the chance to get his family back and mend the time lost between them. Reggie was lucky his happiness for his friend outweighed the sadness he felt at the possibility of losing Alex again. They had gone through their ups and downs together, whatever went wrong was nothing he couldn’t manage and overcome because he had Alex there with him, never letting him fall. But Alex being able to be with his family without fear of his father’s disapproval anymore meant that Alex was moving in with his mother and sister following Christmas and Reggie had to avoid the already growing hole in his heart at the thought. Even more selfishly, not only would he be losing Alex being constantly around, he would be losing Luke too. Sure, he and Luke had become good friends but without Alex living in the loft anymore, Luke would have no reason to be there and except for band practice it would take no time at all for Luke to forget about him. Reggie hated himself for the fact it seemed he was almost as beaten up at the thought of Luke leaving as he was Alex. 

Throughout the year, Reggie had made great attempts at forgetting about Luke and focusing on him as an attainable alternative. A friend. It had worked, albeit not the way Reggie had been banking on. Reggie had spent time with Luke, got to know him, got to share stories with him and swap music expertise and now Reggie counted Luke as one of his best friends. To Reggie, Luke was his friend, his bandmate, Alex’s boyfriend and absolutely nothing else. But where Reggie had planned to gain Luke as a friend he had expected his lingering feelings to depart and he could be at peace. But no, Reggie, ever the romantic, got to know this boy and very possibly fell a bit more in love though reality and Reggie’s grasp on it made him bury this fact so deep inside himself that some days he could completely forget about it and on most days, he almost managed to make himself believe that was true. 

So now with almost a week to Christmas, Alex had finished packing, leaving to spend the holiday with his family at his grandmother’s out of town. He had decided instead of spending his last night cooped inside with Reggie and Luke, that the whole group would venture into town for the Winter carnival that was annually set up. Reggie usually missed his chance to go due to the hectic work schedules leading up to Christmas so of course, like the rest of the group, he jumped at the idea. For one night, Reggie could push away any sullen feelings that simmered inside him and enjoy the festivities with his friends. 

The soft glow of the carnival’s decorations illuminated the dark evening sky. Despite their icy light, the glimmering radiance danced across Reggie’s skin and wrapped him in a warm, comforting embrace. He would never not love Christmas. The gleeful laughter of children and adults alike filtered through the winter air as the group grabbed their tickets and entered the fair. Alex beamed like a little kid, gazing up at the incandescent lights flickering above their heads. He tugged Luke along with him, further ahead from the rest of the group, in their matching beanies Julie had gotten the pair for Christmas. Reggie’s gaze flitted from their entwined hands as they pranced into the middle of the carnival. A timid, delicate hand slipped under his right arm, and linked their own with his. Reggie broke his stare, looking down to where Flynn was smiling up at him with a modest smile.

Reggie had always had his suspicions that Flynn was aware of his unspoken crush, constantly giving him sad, caring smiles and gentle, comforting touches when she would find his gaze lingering a moment too long. She had never mentioned anything beyond these small gestures and he hadn’t been willing to bring up the topic himself. The less people who knew the better. Then he could pretend it wasn’t there, he could bury it deeper than the Titanic. Mirroring Flynn’s movements, Julie locked her arm with Reggie’s on his left side and he met her gaze with a loving smile. 

Before any of the trio could speak, they had reached Alex and Luke who were waiting patiently for them to catch up. Well, Luke had been. Alex, on the other hand, was jumping on his heels from where he stood beside him, brimming with excitement. “So what are we gonna check out first?” 

“Food.” Reggie suggested as he hadn’t had time for dinner after work.

“Games first?” Julie proposed.

“The rides.” Luke, ever the adrenaline junky put forward.

“Kissing booth.” 

Everyone turned their head towards Flynn in quizzical fashion. They weren’t sure what made less sense, the fact that she wanted to check out the kissing booth or the fact she thought the group would want to join. She raised her shoulders in defense. “What? I just want to check out what’s on offer.” 

“Okay, okay…” Alex nodded, pressing his hands together in front of his mouth in thought. “That’s a no.” His gaze moved back and forth between the group, looking for confirmation and without a moment of hesitation they all nodded in agreement except Flynn. Flynn grumbled from beside Reggie and he had let go of her arm to wrap his own around the smaller girl’s shoulders, pulling her close to his side.

“So we play some games, get some food, try out some rides and scope out the kissing booth’s ‘offerings’ as we go around?” Julie suggested, ever the mediator and keeping everyone happy. “Sounds good?” 

“Sounds like a plan” Alex nodded in agreement, sliding his hand into Luke’s again and leading him off to the numerous stalls of carnival games lined up surrounding the ferris wheel. Reggie gazed up in wonder at the luminescent ferris wheel, making a silent promise to himself that he would ride the ferris wheel by the end of the night. Flynn broke away from his arm over her shoulder and linked her arm with his again as did Julie, following the two boys through the crowds. 

“So, how are you feeling with Alex being away for Christmas?” Flynn was the first to speak as the trio slowly ambled around the fair, gazing with wonder at everything they passed. Reggie knew exactly how he felt about Alex being away for Christmas, as conflicting as his feelings were. But at the end of the day, he was happy for Alex, he was getting his family and some normality back and at the very least, this Christmas was just preparation for what Reggie would have to get accustomed to once Alex moved home after Christmas. 

Reggie swallowed, “I’m fine. It’s gonna be weird since we haven’t been away from each other for long in the past year but he’s so excited. I’m glad for him.” 

“Is Bobby home yet?” Julie inquired next, nudging Reggie’s side lightly to gain his attention. Bobby had messaged Reggie earlier that day, alerting the boy to the fact he would be home during the weekend and bringing home his girlfriend from college, Jane, to meet his family. He had wanted Reggie to meet her too and while Reggie was overjoyed for Bobby, he didn’t want to impose over the holidays and he had been wracking his brain trying to come up with a reason not to join the Wilson family for the festive season.

“Uh, yeah, he’s coming home on the weekend but he’s bringing home his girlfriend to meet the family and I don’t want to crash their family moment.” Reggie kept his eyes on the ground before them as he sidestepped abandoned cartons of food. 

“Well, that’s good.” Julie replied, blissfully. There was a sudden jump in her step and Reggie faltered at her joyful response.

“Okay, Julie, you don’t have to take so much enjoyment out of my awkward situation.” Reggie laughed, yet his exasperation was apparent. Up ahead, Luke and Alex had settled on the ring toss and were competing against each other with fervor as the trio slowly approached.

“Why would it be awkward?” Flynn queried, gazing up at the flustered Reggie. 

“Let me think,” Reggie countered. “‘Hi Jane, nice to meet you. I’m Reggie, Bobby’s good friend and confidant and his kind of ex-lover. You know that thing he can do with his tongue, yeah, I taught him that. You can always come to me if you need to know any more tips and tricks.’ No, Flynn, that’s not weird or awkward at all.”

Flynn’s eyes widened and she blinked slowly as she muttered ‘TMI’ to herself. Julie laughed at his ramblings before nudging him again as she spoke. “You’re an idiot. And as I was saying before you went off on one of your ‘Reggie Rants’-”

Reggie was quick to interject. “I do not rant enough for it to warrant a little catchy name.” 

They had reached their two friends, Alex turning back from the game to address the group, having heard Reggie’s rebuttal. “Yes, you do.”

“Stay out of this, Mercer.” Reggie warned but it held no threat. Alex just rolled his eyes and returned back to their game.

“As I was saying-” Julie started in a louder and firmer voice, not leaving room for any more interruptions. “Since you don’t want to spend Christmas at the Wilson's house, I was going to ask if you wanted to spend Christmas with us. Dad’s finally finished the new guest room so there’s plenty of space.” 

Reggie’s eyes lit up at the invitation. “Would Ray be okay with that?” 

“Reg, he’s the one that told me to ask you. You know he loves you, you’re like an honorary Molina.” Julie reasoned, tugging her beanie further onto her head, the night air getting chillier. 

Reggie nodded in agreement. “You’re right, I am like the son he never had.” 

Alex and Luke turned back around from their finished game, Alex’s eyebrows furrowed. “Uh, no you’re not.”

Luke laughed as he offered, “Carlos?” His expression amused, eyebrows raised as if asking ‘does that ring any bells?” 

Despite being fully aware of his earlier mistaken statement, Reggie played along. He tilted his head in confusion, staring at Luke thoughtfully as he said slowly. “Carlos…” 

Julie shook her head in a silent laugh. “You’re an..-” 

“Idiot. Yeah, yeah, so I’ve been told.” Reggie brushed her off, with a gentle nudge and a teasing smile on his face. Flynn stood beside the pair, rubbing her hands together trying to circulate warmth in the cooling December night air.

“Anyone want to get some hot chocolate? I need something warm in my hands before my fingers fall off.” Flynn pleaded, the group not needing much convincing. 

“Of course, we can’t have that.” Reggie laughed, latching his arm onto hers again allowing Flynn to lead the way. “How else would you flip people off then?” 

Flynn chuckled, accepting the warmth that Reggie’s body emitted against her side. As the group reached the food and drink carts, Alex stepped ahead of the group. “I’ll go grab us the drinks. Anyone wanna help?”

Luke began to step forward but Julie beat him to it. “I’ll help out.” She exclaimed, beaming and tightly latching her arm onto Alex as he smiled right down at her, appreciatively.

“Okay, we’ll be right back.” With that the two left, leaving Reggie, Flynn and Luke huddled together under the glowing light of the ferris wheel as it slowly drifted around and round.

“So who’s riding the ferris wheel later?” Reggie asked, sussing out who would be game for riding it with him. Julie and Alex usually opted out on the grounds that they weren’t fond of heights though that didn’t rule out the days they would feel particularly brave and would give it a go. 

“Dude, I can’t wait!” Luke instantly burst out, eyes gleaming like a child. “It’s the best part of the carnival.” 

Reggie nodded in equal childlike enthusiasm. “I know, it’s the best way to end the night.”

“Definitely” Luke nodded. “And I even persuaded Alex to give it a go.” 

For a moment, Reggie was glad he had reeled himself in from asking Luke if he wanted to ride with him. He shouldn’t have assumed Alex would have sat this one out. So he nodded, an awkward, sheepish smile on his face. “Cool.”

Flynn nudged Reggie’s side, sending him a distracting smirk. “I’ll ride with you, Reg. We can shake the carriage and make other passengers freak out.” 

Reggie mirrored her infectious, devilish smirk. “I love your chaotic side, Flynn. It speaks to me on a spiritual level.” 

Alex and Julie had quickly returned to the group, with paper cups brimming with marshmallows and rich chocolate goodness. As the group decided the next games they were trying out, Reggie’s mind was pulled elsewhere. 

“Reggie!” His name being shouted from a distance not only worked to grab his attention but the collective attention of the whole group. Reggie looked over Julie’s shoulder to find Carrie Wilson with one of her friends trailing along behind her making their way towards the group of friends. 

“Hey Carrie, what’s up?” Reggie stepped around Julie as Carrie reached him and flung her arms around him in a friendly hug. Carrie had been no stranger to his and Bobby’s past arrangement and living within such close proximity to the girl, he and Alex had actually grown fond of her. As she let go of Reggie, she moved to give Alex a similar hug. 

“Nothing much, Bobby called to say he’d be back this weekend. Did you hear?” She asked, pulling back from the taller blonde boy and finding Reggie’s gaze again. 

“Oh yeah, he texted this morning. Can’t wait to see him.” Reggie rocked back and forth on his heels, trying not to divulge too much information of their conversation. It was then Reggie remembered Carrie’s friend who lingered quietly to her side. 

Her eyes were already gazing at him, wide and drinking him in and for a moment he felt exposed though he couldn’t lie, there was a part of him that appreciated the attention. God, knows he wasn’t getting it anywhere else. He kept his green eyes on her, asking. “So are you guys enjoying the carnival?”

Her smile grew at the interaction, nodding as she tucked a stray hair behind her ear. “We are but we’re working.” 

Reggie opened his mouth to continue the conversation but before he could Carrie’s head flew around to her friend as if just remembering she was there. “Oh my God, I completely forgot to introduce you guys! This is Kayla. Kayla this is Julie, Flynn, Alex and his boyfriend Luke and R-” 

“Reggie.” He finished for himself, outstretching his hand for Kayla to take. With a shy hand she delicately took his in hers in greeting. 

“It’s nice to meet you all.” Kayla added as Reggie loosened his grasp and their hands fell apart. “But we should get going, our next shift starts in a few minutes.” 

Carrie nodded in realisation. “Yeah, we should probably go.”

“Where are you guys working here?” Alex asked, curious. 

Just as the two girls began moving past the group, now in a hurry, Carrie replied. “The kissing booth. See you later, guys. Have fun!” She moved on with Kayla waving her goodbyes as she followed closely behind. Meeting Reggie’s gaze one last time before passing the group.

Immediately, Reggie turned towards Flynn, who was standing to his right with a knowing smirk on his lips and raised eyebrows. “The kissing booth, you don’t say.” 

“I don’t know what you’re implying, Peters.” Flynn’s eyes failed to meet his teasing ones, her gaze facing the sky. 

“Oh, no. So it doesn’t have anything to do with Carrie Wilson working the booth?” He pressed, humour lacing his words. The group watched on at the exchange with equally knowing looks.

“Nope.” Flynn popped the word from her mouth as she finally met Reggie’s gaze and instantly knew she was in for it.

“Okay, so you wouldn’t mind if I did something about it instead.” Flynn watched as Reggie turned around to face the retreating Carrie with a worried gaze. 

“Oh, Carrie…” Reggie called out in a sing-song voice, jokingly.

Flynn’s hands swatted his arm in embarrassment. “You wouldn’t dare.” 

Reggie was about to turn around and tell her that he wouldn’t but by some twisted chance of fate, Carrie had heard his call and had turned around, moving a quick few steps closer to the group so she could hear him. “Yeah, Reg?”

Flynn’s eyes widened in worry, her cheeks aflame and Reggie’s name being cursed under her breath. Reggie froze for a moment, having not planned for this turn of events so words slipped from his mouth before his mind could register them. “Your friend’s cute.” 

Carrie laughed through an exasperated breath, probably wondering why he had to delay her again just to tell her that. “I’ll pass it on, Reg.” She laughed before running off again to rejoin her friend. Reggie’s wide eyes stared at the ground before him as he cursed his ability to word vomit so royally. Flynn let out a slow breath, thanking the high heavens her friend hadn’t exposed her like that. 

“That was hard to watch.” Alex was the first to speak, his voice low and slow as if testing the waters. Reggie turned steadily to face his friends again as if moving too fast would break him. 

He met Julie’s amused gaze and shook his head at his own choices. “Julie, what am I?”

“An idiot?” She suggested, a teasing smile lighting up her face. She raised a dainty hand to pat his back comfortingly. 

Reggie nodded slowly, dragging a hand over his face as he chuckled at his own awkwardness. “Yep, that’s the one.”

“So…” Flynn began, as Reggie and the group all looked to her. She stared up at Reggie expectantly. “Hear me out, you and me…” She moved her hands back and forth between herself and Reggie. “Hit up the kissing booth later.” 

Alex shook his head at the girl, while Julie giggled at Flynn’s perseverance. 

“Down boy.” Reggie responded in disagreement, patting the head of the smaller girl in finality. She grumbled, pushing his hand away, remarking that her efforts were ‘Worth a shot’. Reggie joined Alex and Julie in laughing at the love struck girl but Reggie couldn’t help but notice Luke being uncharacteristically quiet in the background. 

“Well while, whatever that was, was going on. Julie and I decided we want to try out the water gun game, you guys down?” Alex proposed, cradling his now lukewarm drink in his hands. Flynn was first to nod her head enthusiastically and agree but before Reggie could voice agreement, another voice spoke.

“I was thinking of giving the basket toss a go.” Luke interjected, stuffing his hands deep into the pockets of his long, blue denim jacket. A jacket Reggie had dreamed of stealing many a time but he knew he was nowhere as cool as Luke to pull it off. “I thought maybe Reggie would want to play?” 

The question lingered in the air. Reggie had been caught off guard not expecting Luke to call him out directly. He chanced a glance at Alex as if asking for permission but Alex didn’t seem to be affected by the offer and once again Reggie knew it was his mind making something out of nothing. “Yeah, sure. Let’s play.” 

“Cool, we’ll meet you guys when we’re all finished.” Alex called out, before following Flynn and Julie in the direction of their booth a few down from Luke’s and Reggie’s. The pair moved in silence towards the basket toss and Reggie couldn’t find it in him to be the first to speak. He wasn’t even sure what he would say. 

They reached the booth with luckily no line and as Luke handed over the tickets for the game, Reggie eyed at the abundance of stuffed toy prizes on display. “What will you get if you win?” Luke asked, peering over at Reggie and noticing how his eyes flitted from toy to toy.

“That one.” Reggie pointed, his eyes glued to a small dog teddy. “It’s a beagle. I always wanted a dog when I was younger and I told myself if I could get one it would be a beagle.” He didn’t dare add the fact that when he was a kid he had an unhealthy obsession with the movie ‘Cats and Dogs’ and that up until he was ten he solidly believed in the fact that dogs were actual undercover secret agents. 

“What about you?” He added, not leaving room for further questions or comments from Luke. “What will you get if you win?” 

Luke looked around the teddies on display, letting his eyes linger for a moment longer on the small beagle. The stall worker handed Luke back his miniature basketballs for the game and took the boy’s attention away from the stuffed teddies hanging above them. Reggie was handed his five balls as well, still awaiting Luke’s answer. 

“I told Alex I’d tried to win him something but forget about it for now.” Luke shrugged off and Reggie decided not to press. “Let’s go.” 

Luke took a breath, steadying himself, focusing on the basket before him, serious. Reggie watched with an unwavering stare at his tense jaw, his throat as he swallowed, the way his lips parted only slightly to let out a small breath before he threw his ball. Reggie didn’t even notice Luke had scored until the boy turned towards him, a smirk on his chapped lips. “Your turn.”

Reggie blinked and registered his words before he turned towards his own baskets. He pulled a ball from the group, trying to psyche himself up the way Luke had before his throw. But with a slightly shaking arm and an awareness of soft, hazel eyes on him, Reggie threw the ball, missing his target completely. Luke hissed in reaction at Reggie’s poor attempt. 

“Yeah, I don’t have the best coordination skills so expect a lot of that.” Reggie joked, rubbing his sweaty palms against his jeans once Luke looked away to pick up another one of his basketballs. 

“You’re so lucky you can play bass.” Luke jested, raising a teasing eyebrow at Reggie. Reggie pressed his hand against Luke’s bicep, pushing the boy as he laughed yet Luke remained in place, unmoved. 

“Now quiet, please. Let’s watch the master at work.” Reggie rolled his eyes but indeed his gaze returned to Luke again. Watching in silent fascination and appreciation as he sunk every basket. In turn Luke kept his distracting stare on Reggie as he proceeded to miss all but one of his baskets. 

“Winner.” The worker called out, giving Luke a moment to decide his prize for Alex. Reggie hung back, his gaze finding their friends only a few booths down also wrapping up their game. A shoulder brushed against, catching his attention. Luke stood beside him, hand outstretched in offering.

“What is this?” Reggie asked, though he was very certain what it was. The floppy ears, the brown spots on fake white fur. Luke was offering him the beagle teddy, a bashful smile on his lips. His cheeks were tinted red and Reggie chalked it up to the cold wind nipping at his skin. 

When Reggie made no move to take the offering from him, Luke gently cupped his hand with his own, placing the small teddy in the palm of Reggie’s cold hand. Luke’s touch remained for a quick moment before he pulled away but the phantom touch still tingled, lingering.

“Hey, now at least you can play bass and you have a beagle.” Luke quipped and Reggie rolled his eyes at his joke. “What else could you want?” His teasing grin stayed cemented on Luke’s face as Reggie’s mind begged to answer his question with one simple word, three letters. Yo-.

“Luke, look what I won.” Alex called out, reaching the pair and Reggie cut off his inappropriate thought. He told himself countless times to stop thinking like that but there were always moments he found himself slipping. Alex presented the small penguin teddy to the pair, outstretching it to Luke. 

“For you.” Luke took the teddy gingerly, holding it in his tight grasp. He thanked Alex, his gaze not quite meeting his boyfriends but the blonde boy didn’t seem to notice. Reggie could see where Luke’s gaze fell on the beagle teddy in Reggie’s grip and he thought for a moment, that Luke regretted giving it to him. So he extended out his hand, offering it back to him gently.

Luke quickly looked away, turning back at Alex and his usual vivacious energy returned. “Hey Alex, look at what Reggie won.” Reggie froze for a moment, caught off guard. Alex followed Luke’s cue and gazed at the small fake dog in Reggie’s hands.

“A beagle, so cute, Reg.” His best friend smiled at him and he was still registering that Luke had lied for him. He nodded in response, clutching the teddy a bit closer to his chest. 

“Yeah, I was way off my game. It was brutal.” Luke chuckled, as Julie and Flynn finally found their way to the group. Julie holding onto her own little plush toy, a panda. Reggie let his eyes find Luke beside him to find the other brunette already gazing at him. 

Reggie nodded his head, agreeing with Luke, backing up this new story they were going with. “Yeah, he was crap.” Luke responded by mirroring Reggie’s earlier movement and pressed his hand against Reggie’s bicep, giving him a gentle, playful nudge.

Reggie let Luke’s bright hazel eyes envelope him, his own grin mirroring that of Luke’s. “You’re so lucky you can play guitar.” 

❄

As the night grew colder, the group had escaped the crowds still perusing the fair stalls and opted to spend some time in the warm music tent. Couples danced wildly around the makeshift dance floor as the band played a lively rendition of Billy Joel’s ‘Only the Good Die Young’. Reggie spotted an older couple swaying together merrily and his heart elevated at the touching moment held between two people in love. Luke had ruined his thought by grumbling to his side that Sunset Curve could have done a much better job than the current band playing. Alex and Reggie had shared a look, they could beg to differ. Now Alex had joined Julie and Flynn, the trio dancing energetically among the crowd. Reggie was almost positive they were the only people under thirty in the tent. Alex was truly spirited when it came to dancing, he maintained the idea that ‘he couldn’t dance’ but that didn’t mean he didn’t love it and he took any chance he could get to bust out some sweet moves. 

Reggie chuckled watching his friend. Alex was all vibrant steps and gangly limbs that he had nearly hit his fellow dancers with, numerous times already. Their elders moved around them, cautious eyes on the trio as they danced making sure to avoid any more close calls. Reggie’s eyes fell to Luke, who sat beside him at their table, sipping his second hot chocolate of the night and watching their friends bounce around.

“So why aren’t you out there killing it on the dancefloor?” Reggie quizzed, he hadn't thought to ask when he and Luke had initially opted for seats instead of dance steps. Luke’s gaze broke from the trio dancing and he met Reggie’s curious eyes.

“I don’t dance much.” Luke shrugged, Reggie wasn’t sure if Luke even knew himself why he didn’t dance. “I’ll dance when it counts.”

Reggie was about to question what Luke considered counting as enough reason to dance for but before he could get the words out, Luke was interrogating him. “So why aren’t you dancing? Billy Joel ain’t your jam?” He joked with a suave smile. 

“Oh no, I love Billy Joel.” He wasn’t lying, he did really love Billy Joel. “But I’m kinda like Alex on the dancefloor but even worse. I’m a liability.” Reggie had already proved his lack of coordination while at the basket toss earlier, he didn’t need to embarrass himself further by dancing now. 

“A liability? Really? That bad?” Luke raised his eyebrows as if he didn’t believe him. Reggie nodded in confirmation. “How bad? Like what are we talking about here? Aggravated assault by twerking?”

Reggie took his turn to laugh, throwing his head back but sadly Luke’s assumption wasn’t too far off the truth. Reggie plus dancing was a recipe for disaster. “Oh yeah, exactly like that. One minute I’ll be trying to ‘hit the woah’ the next knowing my luck, I’ll accidentally hit someone’s grandmother instead.”

Luke’s boisterous laugh caressed Reggie’s ears and he took great joy in knowing he was the cause of such a happy and uplifting sound. He wanted to hear it again and again. Before Reggie had another moment to dwell, a voice drifted in from the speakers outside announcing it would soon be the last call for the fair rides including the ferris wheel. Reggie checked his watch and indeed the night was coming to an end. He gazed out at his friends dancing and was conflicted, deciding if he should flee to ride the ferris wheel alone. He had to leave now if he had any chance of making it. 

“Wait here a second.” Luke’s voice grabbed his attention as he hopped from his seat and pushed through the growing crowd of dancers to reach their friends. Reggie’s body was buzzing with indecision on if he should leave but Luke had said to wait so he decided to trust him. He searched through the crowd for his friends but could only scarcely see their heads over the crowd. 

True to his word, Luke emerges a few seconds later but Reggie notes he’s alone. “I told the others we’re gonna run to ride the ferris wheel and they're gonna wait here.”

“Luke, you didn’t have to do that.” Reggie stood up, as Luke began leading them to the tent’s exit. 

“Hey, we’re the ones that wanted to ride the ferris wheel the most. We’re not missing it.” Luke turned to look at Reggie over his shoulder with a soft grin as they made it outside. 

“Now we only have a few minutes to make it across the fair to the wheel. So let’s hope you’re better at running then you are dancing.” Luke grabbed hold of Reggie’s hand and he wasn’t even given the time to comprehend it as Luke broke out into a run with Reggie trailing behind him breathless. Ahead of him he could hear Luke’s childlike laughter as he zipped in and out between crowds. He could tell from the curses and shouts that passerbyers were not amused with their antics but Reggie didn’t care. Not with Luke constantly shooting him quick looks over his shoulder, his smile sparkling, his hazel eyes wild with adrenaline and his tousled hair sticking to his face in the December wind. Reggie imagined he must have looked in a similar state of euphoric chaos. 

The glimmering ferris wheel was in sight and the line for the next ride was slowly building, Reggie feared for a moment they wouldn’t make it. But as if on his last leg of a marathon and the end in sight, Luke picked up his pace again, sprinting to the finish line. Sliding against the wet, muddy grass to halt himself to a stop, Luke made it into the line with a breathless Reggie falling against him, unable to bring himself to a stop quicker. Reggie pulled away and steadied himself as Luke raised his arms in the air, triumphant.

“Touch down.” He was just as winded as Reggie and they took the next minute in line catching their breath. Slowly the line began to move again, passengers being seated on the ferris wheel and Reggie got the excited yet anxious tickling butterflies in his stomach he always got before something like this. The feeling was particularly heightened today and he tried to ignore the fact it probably had something to do with the boy standing beside him with a penguin teddy sticking out of his jacket pocket. 

Reggie’s eyes fell to his own plush teddy, making sure it hadn’t fallen from his pocket as the pair had run to the ferris wheel. His attention was taken away as Luke spoke for the first time in a comfortably silent minute. “So, are you a big Billy Joel head?” 

Reggie thought back to his earlier statement only a few moments ago. “Definitely. Billy Joel is the best. My mom loves him so I grew up listening to his music a lot.” 

Reggie felt a small pinch at his heart as he thought of his mother and he felt his smile falter but tonight was going great and he wasn’t going to let a small thought sink this feeling. If Luke noticed the momentary lull in his demeanor he didn’t say anything. Reggie kept going in a bid to keep a pace in the conversation. “She actually brought me to see him when I was younger. He was my first concert.”

Luke perked up at this information. “No way? Your first concert was Billy Joel? Must have been a rager.” He jested.

Reggie rolled his eyes but it had been one of the best nights he ever had. At the time, it had been an escape from the house and the responsibilities and hardships that lay therein. “It was the hottest ticket in town, okay? You think you’ve been to wild concerts but nothing can compare to twelve year old Reggie rocking out to ‘We Didn’t Start the Fire’ with a bunch of middle aged parents.”

Luke belted out that bubbly, genuine laugh of his again and in that moment, Reggie would have sworn off music forever if it meant he could hear that sound on replay for the rest of his days. When Luke finally composed himself, he sighed, catching his breath again. “Wow, you’re right. I wish I could have seen that.”

Reggie nodded, knowing it would have been quite the scene to look back at his younger self now. The line was slowly closing in on the ferris wheel and Reggie was giddy, they would be seated in no time. For the moment, he let his attention return back to the boy beside him. “What about you? What was your first concert?” 

Luke’s eyes lit up at the question, a wondrous glow to his expression as if he was thinking back and reliving the experience in his memory. “It was The Eagles with the one and only Mitch Patterson. I was eleven, I think.” 

Reggie watched enamored as Luke reminisced with a fond smile lingering on his lips. “I hadn’t even a real clue who they were before that night but I’ll never forget. It was like something clicked inside me, this is what I wanted to do. A few months later dad bought me my first guitar and I’ve never looked back.” 

“Glenn Frey is a mega guitarist, he’s a great pick for your musical awakening.” Reggie nodded in agreement, fiddling with the ride ticket between his fingers as Luke continued. 

“Yeah, I think so too.” There was a moment of silence as they became the next to be seated, waiting for their seats to come around. Luke broke the quiet, his voice barely above a whisper, these words only for Reggie’s ears. “It’s always something I’ve loved and a band with people who were similar and loved music just as much is something I’ve always wanted and I guess… I guess I just wanted to say I’m really lucky I found you...”

Reggie came to a standstill for a brief second before Luke corrected himself “...you guys. Found you guys.”

If it wasn’t for the ferris wheel monitor calling them forward and ushering them into their seats, Reggie probably would have stayed frozen in place. Sitting within close proximity with Luke didn’t make the situation any better but he tried to ground himself, ironically as the ferris wheel lifted the pair higher. Nothing but the stars, Luke and Reggie. 

“So any other interesting firsts?” Luke pressed after a few moments of silence as they slowly rounded to the top of the wheel. He took Reggie’s attention as if he knew Reggie was having a hard time beside him trying to de-escalate his thoughts. 

Reggie’s voice got caught in his throat, having to almost cough out his words. “Like what?” 

Luke shrugged his shoulders as if he hadn’t decided exactly what he was asking about specifically but as Reggie watched him, he had an idea. Eventually Luke decides and it’s exactly what Reggie was fearing. “First kiss?” 

Reggie’s mind is quickly heading into overdrive so he says, of course the most logical thing. “You first.”

Luke gave him a pointed looked, assessing him. Reggie continued, “Hey, I went first last time. Only fair.” 

Reggie wasn’t really sure his reasoning was substantial but Luke seemed to agree to it nonetheless. “My first kiss was Susie Meyers when I was thirteen, in the kitchen during her mother’s book club. I only went in there cause I wanted one of those tiny sandwiches but Susie was very persistent.” 

Reggie let a quiet chuckle leave his lips as he tucked his chin further into his jacket the higher they got, the cold December night air enveloping them. Luke gave his side a gentle nudge. “Now you.”

Reggie bit his lip, remembering now he would have to keep up his side of the bargain. “Would you believe me if I said I’ve never been kissed?” 

Luke raised a skeptical eyebrow, knowing full well Reggie was lying yet he played along. “What? Like that Drew Barrymore movie?”

Reggie nodded manically in confirmation, his fingers fiddling with the zipper of his jacket. “Yep. They actually wrote that about my life.”

Luke tilted his head, sending Reggie a look that said ‘Are you serious right now?’ Reggie knew his joking was futile. He could easily lie and Luke would be none the wiser, unless Alex had already told him. But then why would he ask? Refusing to overthink it, Reggie shrugged his shoulders as he spoke, as if his admission was nothing. “Okay. Okay. It was Alex.” 

Luke’s eyes widened the slightest yet he didn’t look surprised. There was a small grin on his lips as he repeated, “Alex.”

“Yep. Alex was panicking about never getting his first kiss and that he’d die all lonely and decrepit and I told him I would be his first kiss. So we were each other's first kiss and it was awkward and fumbling and really bad but it took a weight off. I wouldn’t change it even if I got the chance to go back and redo it.” 

Luke smiled tenderly at Reggie’s confession but in turn Reggie just shivered remembering the embarrassing true event but he wasn’t about to share those details. Luke noticed his inward reaction at the thought and chuckled. “That bad, huh?”

“Yeah, it wasn’t the smoothest kiss in the book. Neither of us knew what we were doing and I had these giant braces.” Reggie laughed and Luke quirked an eyebrow at the mental image. “Damn crooked teeth.” 

“I’m sure you had very cute crooked teeth.” Luke said between laughs but as his laughter died down Reggie couldn’t ignore that even for the briefest of moments, Luke’s gaze had lingered on his lips. Reggie looked away, gazing into the dark night sky bathing in the moonlight and he thought ‘what if’? But playing ‘what if’ was a dangerous game and it always ended in the same way, with Reggie alone.   
❄

Two days later, Reggie has been working nonstop in the Christmas rush and has been dreaming of the end of his shift that is coming in little less than an hour. He is thankful for the consistent busy days of work, in a sense, as it keeps his mind off Alex being gone, the quiet at the loft and the imminent arrival of Bobby in a few days. So he works, he plays music and he keeps himself busy. He puts the finishing touches on his gift wrapping of a Nirvana vinyl for a middle aged woman that has been talking his ear off for the past few minutes as he does so. From the moment she came into the record shop, nearly forty minutes ago, Reggie had been tailing her around answering her questions on music and listing off suggestions she could get for her teenage son. Mike, the store’s owner, always sent Reggie out to deal with the ‘front of house’ duties. He alleged Reggie was the most amiable for the job but Reggie knew it was more because the older man didn’t have the patience himself to deal with it. 

“There you go, all done. Have a Happy Holiday.” Reggie zoned out as the woman accepted the bag from his outstretched hand and bid her farewells. While the work was helpful for keeping him occupied and out of isolation, it was starting to have its effects on him. He was exhausted, his bones aching, mind fuzzy and eyes heavy but yet he kept going, constantly moving, not letting himself fall off his game. The more he thought about Alex with his family, it only served to remind Reggie of his lack of that. He knew nothing good could ever come from going back to his parents, to that house but they were still his parents. Two people who raised him, once loved him, now two people he knew nothing about. Perfect strangers. The thought was enough to grow the crack that etched away at his heart.

His phone screen glowed from where it sat on the counter beside the register and Reggie tilted his head slightly to lazily read the screen. As more notifications flooded in, it took him a moment to understand what they meant. His eyebrows furrowed as he realised that Carrie’s friend, Kayla, from the fair the other night had just followed him on Instagram and then proceeded to like every photo he’d ever posted. As the incoming notifications on the screen blurred into one underneath Reggie’s tired eyes, he looked away. Resting his forehead against the cool, wooden counter he sighed and prayed for his shift to come to an end quicker. He just wanted to get back to the loft, grab his stuff and make his way to Julie’s for the holiday. 

The small chime of the bell above the store door rang out, notifying Reggie of a customer. He willed himself to lift his head from the counter and as he did he was met with Luke’s curious, questioning gaze. “Sleeping on the job now are we, Peters?”

Reggie stuck his tongue out in response, not in the mood for their usually humorous quips. “If only I could be so lucky.” He muttered drily. 

Luke gave Reggie a sad smile and Reggie tried his best to avoid it, instead asking. “What can I help you with, Patterson?”

“Oh yeah. I’m looking for something for Alex. I haven’t had much time to get presents yet so was hoping you could share some of your Alex knowledge and help me out?” Luke asked with pleading eyes, he held his hands together in a begging gesture. “Please.”

Reggie nodded, the wheels turning in his head as he began to think of possible gifts his friend would appreciate. He moved around the counter to Luke, who watched him expectantly. “Okay, first off, Alex doesn’t have a record player so vinyls are a no go.”

Luke nodded, taking everything in. “He likes CDs and collects them since he can listen to them in his car.” Reggie maneuvered over to the CD collection, sifting through the selection with Luke lingering over his shoulder watching his moves closely. 

Reggie picked a CD from the shelves, before sifting through a few more before picking up two more that he was looking for. He turned on his heel swiftly, throwing off a stunned Luke who had been standing a bit too close, not expecting the boy to whirl around. 

“Okay, when it comes to music Alex is a simple yet complex man.” Reggie began, holding the CDs to his chest as if they were a closely guarded secret.

Luke raised an eyebrow at the statement, the action being lost under the tousled hair that covered his forehead. “Thanks, Reg. That helps a lot.”

Reggie rolled his eyes at Luke’s sarcasm but chose to ignore it and continued. Instead, he grabbed his first two CDs and stuffed them into Luke’s hands. “Okay, first off Alex maintains that Keith Moon and John Bonham are two of the greatest drummers to ever live.”

Luke peered down at the two CD’s Reggie had offered him, nodding his head at the information as he read the two artists on the covers. “Led Zeppelin and The Who.” 

“Anything by those two is a must have but with The Who, Alex only really listens to anything pre- 1978 before Moon died.” Reggie divulged before finally handing over the last CD to Luke watching as the boys' understanding face became contorted in confusion.

“Ariana Grande?” He asked, thinking Reggie mistaken. Reggie laughed at Luke trying to comprehend his boyfriend’s tastes. Reggie stifled a chuckle as he heard Luke mutter “Simple yet complex” under his breath. 

“Alex is a man of many tastes.” He laughed, clapping Luke on the back as he headed back to the counter. Luke followed closely behind him, dropping the CDs on the counter between them.

“I was going to get him a new pair of drumsticks too.” Luke mentioned pointing to where they hung behind Reggie. He twisted around plucking them off the display.

“If you want and you’re okay to wait and pick them up tomorrow, Mike can engrave them for you.” Reggie offered, looking to Luke who watched him with fascinated eyes. “He can put his initials on them or something, to personalise them. No extra charge.” 

“Reg, that would be amazing.” Luke burst out, his hands gripping at the sides of the counter, his body slightly leaning over the counter to Reggie. Reggie paid no mind, or at least tried not to as he rang up Luke’s items. “Thank you so much for this man, you’re a lifesaver.” 

“Now that’s just an insult to doctors, firefighters and paramedics everywhere.” Reggie joked, turning the card machine over to Luke to purchase his presents. 

Luke ignored Reggies insecure jest, asking. “What time do you get off today?” 

Reggie glanced at his watch and was delighted to find that he was nearly off the clock. “Shift ends in twenty minutes, why?” 

“Do you want to get a drink after you’re finished? Your choice.” Luke beamed, hopping on his heels a bit and Reggie couldn’t ignore his addictive liviliness. “To thank you for all your help. Come on, my treat.”

Reggie knew he was tired and was just dying to get to the Molina house so he could cuddle with Julie and Carlos in front of the fire and start a Christmas movie marathon. As much as his aching limbs protested, Reggie wanted to hang out with Luke just as much. “Sure, you don’t mind waiting for twenty minutes.”

Luke’s smile split across his face and he tugged at his beanie as a way to keep his hands occupied. “Sure, that’s fine. I’ll just browse.” He nodded his head towards the records, heading over but not before looking over his shoulder to Reggie with an infectious smile that made Reggie’s heart palpitate. 

Luckily for Reggie, his last twenty minutes flew by without many customers and he said goodbye to the sour Mike who would now have to move to front of house for the rest of the night after Reggie’s departure. Reggie pulled his black, wool jacket over his tense shoulders and he met Luke outside the store door. The pair agreed on gingerbread lattes and made their way to the nearest cafe. Reggie found himself comparing this moment to that day, three years ago. That fateful day when Reggie left his work and saw Luke for the first time and now here he was, all these years later, walking by his side and smiling tenderly at him. It wasn’t under the circumstances Reggie had always wished for but he decided it was enough. 

Upon getting their coffees, the pair decided on walking around the city, gazing at the lights and admiring the festive decorations. As they mulled through the Christmas market, Reggie happily sipped away at his cup, his eyes moving from stall to stall completely oblivious to Luke’s piercing gaze on him, unwavering. After a moment of ambling in silence, Luke finally spoke up.

“So what are your plans for Christmas?” Reggie’s eyes meet his again, curious. Luke had been there when Julie had invited Reggie to spend the holidays with her family. 

“I’m spending it with Julie, remember? Beats the awkwardness of the Wilson residence.” Reggie reminded and Luke’s face turned, realising the stupidity of his question. The information had fled his mind but Reggie waved it off with a swift move of his hand, not caring. “What are your plans?”

Luke looked down at his shoes as they reached the end of the stalls, the makeshift, open air ice rink up before them. “Just another quiet one at the Patterson house. We don’t really have too big of celebrations.” 

Reggie nodded in understanding. “That’s how it used to be at my house before I moved out, though I imagine yours has less fighting.” 

Reggie awkwardly joked but Luke let out a low whisper, his head down. “You’d be surprised.” 

You never really know what it’s like for other people, Reggie thought. Not letting the silence between them linger, Reggie placed a hand on Luke’s elbow. Luke met his gaze and Reggie nodded his head towards the ice rink. “Hey, let’s go over and have a look. We can laugh when people fall on their asses.” 

Luke chuckled, following Reggie to the side of the rink. The pair leaned up against the glass wall, watching children and adults alike gliding along the ice. They fell into a comfortable silence beside one another, their arms slightly brushing against each other. Despite this, there was something unspoken within the silence and it was confirmed as Luke spoke up, asking a question that it seemed he’d been holding onto since he first saw Reggie that day.

“Reg, are you okay?” Luke asked, his voice gentle and inviting. Reggie met his gaze, already prepped to brush it off as nothing but Luke continued, one step ahead. “And it’s not a ‘just having a bad day’ kind of thing. It’s like… like something that’s been weighing down on you for awhile.” 

Reggie paused, staring at Luke and finding himself unable to look away once their gazes met. Luke’s full of concern and he was here, reaching out. It felt like he was throwing Reggie a lifeline. Reggie had tried avoiding the looks he could feel Luke giving him sometimes. Like when he was unusually quiet, or his playing was off in band practice, or today in the record store when even breathing seemed like a challenge. Luke always seemed so perceptive, observant. He was the first to look deeper, to uncover what lingered just beneath Reggie’s happy smiles and playful jokes. He wondered what else Luke had observed about him and if that was something he even wanted to know. Despite that he felt safe, he felt understood, he felt cared for with Luke. So he opened his mouth and with it a floodgate of emotion as his words spilled out.

“I guess when Alex started making amends and getting part of his family back it got me thinking about mine a lot more.” Reggie sighed, feeling tears already welling at the thought. “Because I don’t even know what my parents are doing right now, hell, I don’t even know who they are because they’re certainly not who I remember them as. Makes you wonder what the real version is.” 

Luke placed a warm, comforting hand on Reggie’s back. “Oh, Reg.”

Reggie sniffled, eyes on his fidgeting hands. “I hate that I feel like I miss them because I know deep down that what I miss is a version of them, a version from a long time ago. A version that doesn’t exist anymore.”

Luke began rubbing small circles with his hand and Reggie leaned into the touch, grounding himself with it. “Knowing what’s best for me is a lot easier than feeling like it’s best for me. Because I know I wasn’t safe there but fuck, I’m so lonely, Luke.” His shoulders shook with unfallen tears and choked sobs at his own admittance. 

“I know I should be happy for Alex and a part of me really is. But I’m scared, I’m scared of being alone again. Everyone is moving on and I’m just here...I’m stuck. I’m stuck in this loneliness cause my parents couldn’t just care about me, cause they couldn’t stop fighting and think about the fucking kid standing there watching them throwing frying pans at each other, cause they couldn’t just love me like they were supposed to.” 

As Reggie’s body wracked with sobs, Luke twisted his body around with ease, pulling the timid boy to his chest. Luke enveloped his strong arms around him and Reggie fell into him, surrounded by warmth and everything Luke and for a moment he was safe. “Reg, I know you had a shit time with your parents and you didn’t deserve any of it at all but you can’t possibly believe they didn’t love you. It’s just impossible. Impossible that anyone couldn’t love you.” 

Reggie ignored how much he wanted to ask about and pick apart Luke’s last sentence but instead he listened to the hammering heart of the boy as he hid his face in Luke’s chest. “For them love was like an obligation. Did it by default not because they felt it. They may have loved me but they sure as hell never liked me.”

Reggie stayed attached to Luke not feeling strong enough to let go. Luke resumed his comforting circles on his back and he sobbed at the touch. No one had held him this lovingly in a long time. So he whispered, his voice small and weak, muffled in the fabric of Luke’s shirt. “I don’t belong anywhere.”

Luke’s body tensed under Reggie’s and he pulled Reggie more tightly into his grasp, holding him in a clinging embrace. “Reggie, you are the most amazing, remarkable person I have ever met. You’re hilarious and optimistic and positive nearly all of the time. You care about your friends so deeply, just as they care about you. They’re your family. You belong with them, with us. You belong to the world, Reggie and the world belongs to you.” 

Reggie gasped at Luke’s words, his breath caught in his throat and heart pounding. He wondered if Luke could feel it against his own chest. Luke continued and Reggie froze, “You are the most gentle person I’ve ever met yet the most tough as well. You have such a bright and infectious light about you, Reg. I’ve thought about it since the very first day I met you. Don’t ever let anyone dim that light.”

Reggie’s hands raised to clutch onto Luke’s arms as if they were the only things keeping him standing and they very well might have been. Blinking slowly, Reggie moved his head away from Luke, gazing at him with incredulous eyes. In turn, Luke’s hands mirrored Reggie’s and held onto his arms as well. He wasn’t sure if it was because they had already admitted so much to each other in a matter of minutes but Reggie felt brave, he had nothing else to lose.

So he met Luke’s gaze and with an unwavering stare, spoke steadily, his words not mistaken. “Do you mean the first time we got introduced to each other? Or the very first time we saw each other?” 

Reggie almost couldn’t believe he had said that and by the change in Luke’s demeanor he couldn’t either. Reggie was lucky Luke isn’t a good actor because the recognition of what Reggie was implying passes through his gaze before he has time to cover it up. But when Luke speaks next, Reggie doesn’t feel as brave anymore.

“What? What are you talking about?” Luke questions, but his hands rub against Reggie’s sleeves, they’re clammy, sweaty. Luke knows exactly what Reggie is talking about and he’s lying about it. Reggie feels idiotic for bringing it up, maybe some things are rather left unsaid but at Luke’s refusal to admit he remembers, it simultaneously creates a hole in Reggie’s chest and fires him up with perseverance. 

“You know exactly what I’m talking about, Luke.” Reggie wishes his voice sounded more strong than it did but his sentiment was firm all the same and he can see Luke flinch at his tone. Reggie isn’t sure what he’s looking to get out of his but he needs to know. To know it wasn’t all in his head. To know that for the briefest of moments, in the most inconspicuous of months, days, hours, that three years ago, that one day in December all that mattered was them and what they shared. 

“Before I was Reggie, before you were Luke. Before...before Alex.” Reggie continued, his voice low. It was secret, it was sin but it was truth. “Just you and I, strangers at a..-”

“At a bus stop.” Luke finished, and Reggie’s legs almost buckled at his admission. His hands flew to the sides of Luke’s flannel shirt, the only thing keeping him from sinking. Luke’s hands wrapped around his waist to steady him. Reggie pulled himself up, finding his footing, his face inches from Luke’s.

“Why did you pretend you didn’t remember?” He asks, his voice small and Luke quivers as Reggie’s cold breath caresses his face just proving how close he is. Luke closes his eyes for a moment, collecting himself but when his eyes open Reggie is still there, face and lips centimeters away. Neither of them trust themselves and it’s a dangerous game they’re playing.

“Because we can’t, Reg.” Luke breathes out, his voice pleading but he makes no effort to move away. But the weight of his words, of his touch, of their close proximity, pile onto Reggie and he pushes himself away. Guilt rises in his throat in the form of bile and he hates himself for his thoughts, his actions and his feelings. 

“Maybe it would’ve been best if you hadn’t remembered.” Reggie can’t bring himself to meet Luke’s piercing gaze. He slowly backs away, putting a safe distance between the pair and he swallows roughly. Without another glance towards the boy, Reggie quickly turns around. Not knowing where his destination is but he needed distance to regain his thoughts. The two of them that close, alone, was dangerous, a recipe for disaster. But as Reggie rounded the corner turning towards the back of the market stalls, heavy footsteps were fast catching up with him.

“That’s not fair.” Luke shouted, his voice breathless and pleading. Reggie couldn’t find it in himself to ignore it so he swung around to face him, his own pleading expression meeting Luke’s. What he was pleading for, he wasn’t entirely sure.

“I remember. I remember everything and you do too.” Luke was slowly approaching Reggie, who stood frozen in place. Luke’s words were heaved through raspy breaths. “It’s been three years of you being so close yet so out of reach. You… you can’t force me to face this and then leave to make me do it alone.” 

Reggie knew he was being extremely selfish but he was scared and used to having to deal with these things alone, so he had run. He registered Luke’s words. He’s been feeling the same as him for these past few years? Reggie’s head was spinning, it was all too surreal. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have done that. I shouldn’t have pushed myself onto you like that. You didn’t deserve it and you didn’t want it.”

“But that’s the thing, Reg. I did want it. You would have to be an absolute Saint not to kiss you.” And Reggie doesn’t know if he should thank the high heavens or curse the depths of hell because Luke Patterson is no saint. He takes four long, quick strides to Reggie, his large hands cupping his face as he reaches him. Reggie’s back hits the firm wooden wall of the stall behind him but he doesn’t even register it because Luke’s lips are enveloping him in a scorching kiss. It’s a dare. Are you brave enough? Luke is challenging him and as Reggie’s lips part and he invites Luke in, he’s accepting that challenge. His hands raise to grab at Luke’s shirt, needily wanting to claw his way into Luke’s chest, into his heart and stay there forever. Luke’s tongue slips against his own and he’s smiling through it, his hand’s trailing from Reggie’s blazing red cheeks into his hair, tugging hungrily at the short, brown, tendrils. 

Reggie never wants to part, because then the reality would set in and he’s not ready to face it. It would seem Luke is thinking the same as the kiss begins to soften, slow. Gone was the passionate, fiery battle of control and in its place a slow, longing caress of tongues. It is the dual admission and acceptance that this will be their first and last kiss. That when they break apart they will have to deal with the consequences and the guilt of knowing what could feel so perfect, so right was also a betrayal. With a final brush of tongues and a mutual understanding, the pair began to break apart, Luke’s teeth grazing Reggie’s bottom lip, tugging on it as if to prolong the inevitable separation.

As their mouths separate, Reggie misses the feeling and instead has to deal with the sinking feeling of guilt that has settled in the base of his stomach. Reggie quickly drops his hands from Luke as if he has burned him, scarred him and to Reggie he might as well have. Because Reggie knows from that one kiss, that Luke Patterson has ruined him for anyone else. 

Luke is slower to remove his hands from Reggie, letting them trail from the nape of his neck, down his shoulders, to his chest as if memorizing the feeling of him before he eventually drops his hands with a sag of his own shoulders. He bends to pick up the discarded record store bag he had abandoned in his haste to touch Reggie. As he returns his gaze to the boy, he finds Reggie already walking away, begging for the boy to turn around one last time.

Reggie held himself as he put distance between himself and Luke for the second time that night, though this time Luke wasn’t chasing after him and Reggie never expected him to again. He begged himself to cling to the last piece of willpower he had left and to not turn around to leave one last lingering look with Luke. 

He inhaled deeply, holding the breath for a brief moment before exhaling, letting out the quivering breath and kept walking, refusing to look back because maybe with each step he took away, bit by bit, he would let go of Luke Patterson with it.


	5. Five: no one to blame but the drink in my wandering hands

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First update of 2021! Sorry it's out a bit later than I had planned cause I'm trying to make my through essays and I hated a lot of this chapter so I had to rewrite some of it. I don't know why I thought this would be a shorter chapter cause it's actually the longest chapter yet :D
> 
> Anyway, this is a kinda sad one, I'm sorry but I promise chapter 6 will be happier.   
> Since we're coming to the end of his story soon I've been thinking of what to write next and I've a few ideas but in regards to this story I was thinking of doing:  
> \- This story but in Luke's POV so we know more about what he's been going through.  
> \- And maybe a 5+1 story for Alex and Willie from this story cause they deserve a great love story too and I've already thought of some cute moments I'd like to write.
> 
> So let me know if any of you guys would be interested in that!
> 
> Chapter title from the song 'Falling' by Harry Styles  
> Happy Reading!

Five: no one to blame but the drink in my wandering hands  
December 2020

Guilt is a curious thing. It changes day by day, never the same but forever omnipresent. Sometimes it’s a silent thought, quiet in your mind but still lingering as you go about your day. Even as you’re surrounded by a hundred other emotions, they all live under the unforgiving shadow of guilt. Then sometimes it consumes you. Breaks down every idea you ever had about yourself. You lose sight of who you really are as a person, of what your morals are, of what you deserve. All it leaves in its wake are questions. Questions of what your own self-worth is, how could you possibly ever have done something like that or how every moment you begin to feel something close to comfort, to a shred of happiness it asks you if you deserve to feel this? They’re questions Reggie really doesn’t want to answer but regardless he finds himself asking on a daily basis. They’re unnerving, uncomfortable and hard questions to ask because they all lead to the same thing, the ever present question it always ends with. ‘Am I someone people want around?’ And finally, ‘Am I someone I want around?’ 

Reggie never had the bravery to answer that one, he was in fact terrified to. Reggie’s lowest days weren't as frequent now. Those were the days when guilt consumed him so much he would feel physically sick, paralyzed where he lay and refusing to leave his bed for the day. These were the days where he wasn’t sure if he was thankful or remorseful that he had permanently moved in with the Molina family following last Christmas. Because on those days he had Ray constantly checking up on him under the guise of bringing him a snack, Julie would come to him offering to watch Disney movies or Carlos would invite him out ghost hunting. Every time he would appreciate them but he knew he by no means deserved them. Sometimes he wondered what it would be like if he had stayed in the Wilson’s garage because he felt like that’s what he deserved, the silence, the emptiness, the loneliness. While those days were now much more sporadic then they were during those first few months following that December, that didn’t mean that the guilt was any less there. If anything, Reggie hated the way his guilt had manifested itself in this new way. Where it was always there, always lingering, weighing down on him, a silent promise that it would always be with him. 

Some days he would find himself wondering if Luke felt the same immense guilt he did? Did he wait until the dead of night when silence crept around him and the darkness enveloped him to confess his sins and ask for forgiveness the way that Reggie did? He wondered if Luke found that on the dullest of days that he didn’t like himself anymore the way Reggie did? He wondered if Luke resented Reggie, the way Reggie thought he would Luke but couldn’t bring himself to? He wondered that despite the guilt that laced his bones and smothered his mind, that Luke didn’t regret the kiss? But at the end of it all, he resolves to think that Luke doesn’t think of him at all. It’s a better answer than him continuously wrecking his brain like this. 

A feather light kiss breezes across his lips before he has a moment to wake from his slumber. The bed dips and cold air trinkles in against his skin, taking over the space where previously a body had laid. For a moment he envisioned hazel eyes, brunette curls against smooth skin and delicate, phantom fingertips trailing along his jaw. His eyes fly open and his stomach sinks at the thought, guilt. He glances to his outstretched arm laying across the bed and the empty spot that still has lingering remnants of heat. He sighed deeply, his eyes closing again begging for a day he could wake up and be free of this feeling. He doubts there will ever be a day like that. It had been a year yet Reggie could still feel the warm press of safe arms wrapped around him, the feeling of hungry lips battling his own but even the ghostly remembrance of those feelings was nothing compared to tightening in his chest and gut wrenching pull he had felt the first time he had seen Alex after the incident and proceeded to feel every time since. Albeit duller, the pain still remained to this day, every moment he spent with his best friend. Reggie wished that the pain was still as sharp and potent as it was the first day he felt it because the duller the pain got it meant his body was getting used to this feeling, accepting it and he didn’t know what to do with that information. He wanted pain at its strongest, a constant reminder of what he had done, what he had caused.

Throughout the past year, it was no secret that Luke and Alex were on the rocks and although Alex always had an answer for why they were fighting this time or that, Reggie couldn’t help but fear that he inadvertently caused it. The pair had even taken breaks on occasion but it seemed they could never stay away from each other for long. Alex had once told him, it had been so long that he wasn’t sure they knew how to be apart. In so many words, it almost seemed like Alex suggested it was the only thing keeping the pair together these days. The fear of being alone and not knowing how to navigate it. Instead they clung onto what they knew, the safety of the choice bringing them some kind of comfort. Reggie had never asked Luke about what he felt about it all because, well, Reggie never talked to Luke specifically anymore if he could manage it. While it was a tense enough time in band practice between the couple, the three had made it work and while Reggie remained cordial and friendly he always made sure he was never alone with Luke. 

Reggie’s phone chirped from the bedside table and with a grumble he reached for it, noting the early time before his eyes found Alex’s message alerting him that he was downstairs in the kitchen and Julie said that Reggie needed to ‘get his butt up and come have breakfast’. Reggie dropped the phone back onto the table with a clank and used all his willpower to pull himself up from bed. He opted to get dressed later, moving over to his chair to pull a random t-shirt over his bare torso. His eyes glanced over his bookshelf, finding the black leather songbook where Reggie had put it almost a year ago and had refused to move since. With it’s empty pages and a deep ‘L.P’ engraved with golden leaf on the tight leather cover, Reggie had hidden the once Christmas present in plain sight. His gaze always seemed to find it yet he never dared touch it. He pulled himself away, begging for the object to remain forgotten in the room again as his feet padded against the wooden staircase. Downstairs he rounded to the kitchen, finding Alex setting the table, sorting forks and knives in his hands with a small frown on his lips.

“Hey, ‘Lex, what’re you doing here so early?” Tonight was the night of the Molina Christmas party and later that day Reggie and Alex had been tasked with collecting food and drinks while Ray was at work. Alex’s eyes met his friend’s and he managed a small smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes. 

Alex’s eyes went back to the utensils he was fiddling with in his grasp and Reggie automatically knew what was wrong. He got this way every time. He had been arguing with Luke again. And then there was the guilt nudging to the forefront of Reggie’s mind again. Alex met his gaze and nodded knowingly, confirming his suspicions. In a small voice, Reggie moved closer, squeezing his friend's shoulder delicately. “I’m sorry, ‘Lex.”

“We made up but still thought I’d take some time away before tonight.” Alex shrugged his shoulders as if saying ‘it is what it is’. His movement made Reggie’s hand fall from his shoulder. Alex finished placing the forks beside the plates before turning back towards Reggie expectantly. Like many times before, Reggie didn’t know what to say. He didn’t trust himself to say anything and once again he stood there useless. He felt that familiar tug in his chest, guilt, silently asking, are you someone people want around?

“So Luke’s still coming tonight?” A gentle voice floated into the conversation, timid arms wrapping around Reggie’s waist from behind and a warm feeling of lips against the back of his neck in a soft kiss. Immediately, the pain in his chest began to dull and with a simple brush of lips his thoughts evaporated at the touch. Kayla. Reggie’s arms rested on hers, the feeling of her grounding him. Following Christmas when Reggie couldn’t bear to face his friends as guilt overtook him, Kayla had been there. First through distracting messages, then through small coffee meet-ups, then she was always around. She had been the only person he told the truth to, well technically it wasn’t the whole truth, he never mentioned anything except the fact he kissed someone’s significant other yet she hadn’t run away screaming. He knew she was about the only one who wouldn’t. They had begun properly dating just before summer and despite all the negatives Reggie faced, she was a positive. She made him happy, she made him feel loved even when he believed he didn’t deserve it. She was safe. 

“Yeah, I told him he could come as long as he behaved himself.” Alex joked, but he could tell that the jest was partially the truth. He knew Luke had been practically living at Alex’s the past few weeks and his constantly sullen demeanor and defensive way he regarded Alex whenever he asked what was wrong was starting to weigh on Alex. 

“He’s been in such a mood lately. Alex, you don’t need to be dealing with that without an explanation.” Julie joined in from the kitchen where she was piling pancakes onto a plate. Reggie had almost forgotten she was there as she remained silent in the background, listening carefully. Reggie could feel Kayla nod in agreement with Julie from behind Reggie, arms still wrapped around him and Reggie sunk into the feeling. Julie continued, eyes on Alex’s apprehensive expression. “And if he doesn’t behave himself, he’ll be answering to me.” 

“Thanks, Julie but you’re like the least threatening person I know…” Alex laughed, as Julie made her way over to the group with their breakfast. “And I know Reggie.” 

Kayla giggled along, placing a quick kiss to Reggie’s cheek before letting her arms unwrap from around his abdomen and Reggie immediately missed her touch. It had soothed his ease and without it the sinking feeling returned. He let out his own forced laugh, pretending to take offence as he took his seat beside Kayla. “Hey, I’m a tough guy!”

Kayla patted his shoulder as Alex and Julie shared a skeptical look with each other across the table from the couple, not quite believing Reggie’s defenses. Alex sipped from his coffee before meeting Reggie’s eyes from across the living room table. “Come on now, Reg. You wouldn’t hurt a fly.” 

The table laughed in unison but Reggie remained mute. They began chattering as Julie passed around the pancakes but Reggie didn’t listen, their voices becoming static in his ears. Because yes, he wouldn’t hurt a fly but it would appear he could very well hurt his best friend. 

❄

Reggie dreaded that the one thing he thought could never happen, had. He always swore that no matter the circumstance, that he, Reggie Peters could never hate Christmas. Yet, here he was. The night of the Molina Christmas party, dressed and ready and hoping that rather than going downstairs to join the festivities that he could fall into the abyss. That day had proven that many ideas Reggie held about himself that he thought could never change were all very interchangeable falsehoods. He would blame it on guilt but maybe it was time Reggie admitted to himself that he wasn’t who he thought he was anymore. He could hear guests beginning to arrive downstairs and with every joyful sound he wished he could shrink into himself, hide until it was safe to come out, if it ever was. 

“Reg, what’s going through your mind right now?” Kayla pressed, her tone gentle, not prying but concerned. Reggie looked up from where his gaze was fixated on the red glistening polish he was painting cautiously across Kayla’s nails, her dainty hand curled in his own as he did so. 

“What do you mean?” As quickly as he looked at her, his gaze fell back down to his work and he hoped she couldn’t tell he was avoiding her eyes. Kayla tilted her head to look at him, curious eyes taking him in. 

“I can practically see the wheels turning in your head.” Reggie cursed the fact that no matter how much he tried to cover his expressions, he always seemed completely transparent to those who knew him and knew how to look deeper. As much as he tried to lock himself up, he would always be an open book. “What’s on your mind?”

Reggie swiped one last time, painting her final nail red before releasing her hand back to her. Kayla’s hand fluttered in mid air for a moment, as if she wasn’t sure if she was allowed to reach out for him again. She opted against that thought, her hand falling to the lap of her matching red dress to let it dry. 

“I’m wondering what’s the quickest escape route from here.” Reggie jested, propping his elbow against his wooden desk, his head falling against his hand. He was exhausted. But it wasn’t simple tiredness after a hard day at work exhausted. It was fatigue at its strongest, where every day seemed a bit harder to get through then the one before and he felt like he was constantly running to get to the place where he could finally rest and breathe easy yet that place never came into sight. 

Kayla didn’t seem to notice the way his shoulders sagged and his eyes drifted to the floor beneath his beat up boots as he prayed it would open up and swallow him whole. Kayla hopped from her seat, placing a soft hand to his shoulder as she walked around him to pat down her dress in the mirror. “But Reg, you love Christmas. You said that the Christmas party was your favourite night of the year.” 

Reggie's fingers fiddled with the bottom seam of his green Christmas jumper, he shrugged his shoulders in response but he wasn’t sure if Kayla was even looking at him. She spoke again. “What changed?”

Reggie knows exactly what changed but for the first time since they started dating he doesn’t want to talk to Kayla like this, he doesn’t want to open up and he knows that probably deep down she doesn’t really want a truthful answer either. So he shrugs again, not bothering to twist around to face her. “Nothing, just not really in the mood for it today.”

Her timid arms drape over his shoulders in a loose embrace but he remains still. “You’ll be okay. It’s just one night, a couple of hours.” Reggie nods and her arms leave him as swiftly as they came. 

“I told Julie and Flynn I’d help them serve drinks. You will join us later right, when you’re ready?” Reggie has to use every ounce of strength he has to even glance over his shoulder at her, to where she stands in his door frame, awaiting an answer.

“Yeah, I’ll be down in a few. Don’t worry.” Kayla nods and blows him a kiss, the weak compliance enough for her. He sighs and his eyes fall on the bookshelf in front of him. He quickly pulls his gaze away, forcing himself to drag himself up from the uncomfortable desk chair. He followed Kayla’s previous movements, stopping in front of the full length mirror beside his bedroom door. His gaze ran down the length of his figure, from his tightly gelled hair, to his peaky, pale skin giving away the reality of his night’s of broken sleep, to where his gangly limbs that he thought would figure themselves out after his teenage years remained. He looked pathetic, awkward and out of place and he felt it too, out of place in life within his own body. He wondered if he’d ever feel like himself again?

“Me.” He whispered, finally truthfully answering Kayla’s previous question in the silent solitude of his own company. His eyes meeting the cold, empty ones of his reflection. They felt foreign to him, not like they should, not like they were his own. “I changed.” 

Without another lingering look at the stranger that took up residence in his mirror, he walked out to the hallway, closing the bedroom door behind him as he did so. The noise of guests downstairs became stronger as he neared the staircase and he felt overwhelmed, even more so with the thought that the people already here were only half of what would be expected later. Carlos was currently at his friends house, rathering that then a night of putting up with middle aged parents and friend’s of his sister and Reggie had almost wished he could have gone with him. 

“You okay, mijo?” Reggie’s head snapped back to the voice, finding Ray watching him with a concerned, examining stare. It was only then that Reggie noticed he had been frozen at the top of the staircase as he had tried to find the will to force himself to join the party a few steps down.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine.” Reggie quickly assured, probably a bit too hastily as Ray rose a questioning eyebrow at the younger boy. Reggie plastered an unconvincing smile on his lips. “Just a bit tired but hopefully it’ll go away.” 

Ray frowned for a moment, placing a sturdy hand on Reggie’s back and for a moment Reggie thought he might have hurdled him down the stairs into the awaiting crowd. Despite himself and Reggie being the only two upstairs, Ray’s voice was a whisper. “You know, mijo, you never have to perform for me.” 

Reggie gulped, “Perform?”

“Me, Carlos, Julie, none of us ever want you to be untrue. If you're having a hard time, you don’t have to hide it and pretend for our sake.” Ray bowed his head to catch a glimpse of Reggie’s expression and the boy looked up at his father figure with a small, fond smile. 

“I’m sorry.” Reggie apologised, Ray was right. Reggie trusted every individual Molina with his life, well Carlos was a bit questionable, so Reggie felt like he was lying to them by constantly hiding how he felt. 

“No need to apologise, Reg. Acknowledge what you feel, no matter how bad, how scary, and then feel it with every bone in your body. Because the moment we force ourselves to feel nothing, we lose sight of who we are as people. So it’s best to feel everything, all the time than to feel nothing at all.” Ray said the familiar words so sure and effortlessly that Reggie felt his heart tighten at the sentiment. No matter what happened in life or where Reggie ended up, he only hoped he could grow older to be half the man that Ray was.

“Julie said you told her and Carlos that after Rose died.” Reggie stated, knowing how much Julie attributed her healing at the time to that quote. While growing up, seeing Julie and Carlos having a father like Ray while Reggie dealt with his own father had made him feel insurmountable jealousy but he would be forever grateful that he had gotten to know Ray the way he did.

Ray gently patted Reggie’s back, his next words filled with undoubtable love yet he says them so casually that Reggie blinks twice watching as the older man takes a step down the stairs. “Yeah, I say that to all my kids.”

Reggie’s face breaks into a beaming, genuine smile at the implication of Ray’s words and it takes everything in him to not tear up and pull the man into a never ending hug. Ray turns around a few steps away from Reggie and meets Reggie’s expression with his own tender smile. “Now go down there and be with your friends. And at the first sign that it’s becoming too much for you, I’m sending you to your room.”

Reggie let out a surprised laugh at Ray’s words. “You can’t send me to my room, Ray.” 

Ray gave Reggie a look that dared the younger male to call his bluff. “I can and I will. Any sign you need time away, I’m sending you to your room. I know you’re too polite to dismiss yourself.” 

With one last lingering look, Ray began making his way down the stairs again. Reggie let a ghost of a smile stay on his lips, fond and appreciative. There was never a day he wasn’t incredibly grateful for Ray Molina. “Thanks, Ray.”

His voice was small and for a moment he didn’t think it would even reach the older man. But with a quick, loving look over his shoulder, Ray nodded at the younger boy and Reggie was immediately at ease and ready to face the night.

“Anytime, mijo.”

❄

It had been over an hour since Reggie’s conversation with Ray on the staircase and he was taking it as a good sign that he hadn’t fallen apart yet. Instead, he had managed to be quite cordial, delightful company in many respects. He was thankful that so far he had been able to avoid any contact with Luke since his arrival all of thirty minutes ago. Reggie had settled on the couch beside Bobby and Jane for most of the night and enjoyed their company, Kayla coming around to join every now and again between helping Julie with hostess duties. As they would sit, cuddled into each other, exchanging anecdotes with the other couple, Reggie felt calm, light. It was something so simple, so easy and he wished all of his interactions could be like it, what an easy life he would lead if so. Reggie had dismissed himself for a few moments, to grab himself another drink and a moment of quiet contemplation in the kitchen as he did so. He was slowly making his way back to the jolly group of friends in the living room when he found Julie leaning up against the wall at the entryway of the living room, nursing her own drink and her curious gaze fixated. Reggie noted her unusually sour expression before he traced her gaze across the room to where Flynn sat adjacent to Bobby and Jane, her own enamored gaze on the girl sitting beside her, Carrie. 

Reggie slid up beside his friend, mirroring her stance and leaning his back against the cool wall. Julie broke her stare for a moment to look at who had joined her. As soon as she had registered Reggie at her side, her eyes returned back to the two giggling girls before them. Reggie gave it a moment before he spoke up. “Well, if looks could kill I’m pretty sure Carrie would be ten feet under.”

Julie tore her gaze away at Reggie’s words as if she only now realised what she had been doing. She looked at the older boy with a sheepish smile, and he nudged her arm with his own making light of the air between them. “So what’s up with that? Looked like you were trying to send Carrie to an early grave or else you were working really hard at your telekinesis skills.”

Julie chuckled at his words but her body still remained rigid, tense at the thoughts that had been running through her mind during her staring contest. She sighed, resigned. “I don’t have telekinesis, Reg.” 

“But how rad would that be? You’d be just like my favourite superhero.” Reggie’s smile widened at the thought. If anyone in their friend group was going to be a superhero, it would one hundred percent be Julie. She was one of the strongest people Reggie had ever met. His eyes found hers and she raised an eyebrow in question to his statement. His favourite superhero? “Matilda.”

Julie rolled her eyes but a loving smile captured her lips as she turned her body towards him, her right arm now leaning against the wall. “Matilda isn’t a superhero, Reg.”

Now it was Reggie’s turn to roll his own eyes. “I think that’s the beauty of superheroes. Anyone can be one.” Julie watched him with gentle, adoring eyes and she decided not to press the matter further, content with his response. Without realising, her gaze flickered back to the flirting girls across the room. Reggie nudged her again softly, raising his own eyebrow in inquisition and Julie huffed. 

“I don’t really know what it is. I just look at them together like that and I’m afraid. And it’s not jealousy, at least I don’t think it is. Flynn’s my best friend, I don’t feel that way about her but… but I don’t…” Julie stumbled over her words, unsure how to articulate herself so she resolved to groan in annoyance at her feelings. Reggie felt he already knew what she was trying to say even if Julie didn’t know how to say it herself. He had been in the same place once too.

“You’re not jealous in the romantic sense but you’re afraid now that Flynn is closer with Carrie and they could start officially dating soon that you’re going to lose your best friend to her?” Reggie offered, going off his own experience. Back when that was his biggest concern about Alex starting to date Luke. Back when he knew nothing more, nothing less about the boy. 

Julie met Reggie’s gaze, her eyes struck with wonder and understanding. He guessed he’d hit on the right reasoning for the way the Molina girl was feeling. “Wow, you nailed it! You seem to know what you’re talking about.”

Reggie nodded his head, taking a quick sip from his momentarily forgotten drink. He chuckled at Julie’s amazed expression, his shoulders shaking slightly as he did so. “Okay, no need to act so surprised that I got something right for once.”

Julie giggled at her friend, dropping her head and pressing her forehead against his shoulder in an affectionate move. Reggie let his own head drop to the side for a moment, his cheek nuzzling against the top of her head before the pair broke a part. Julie nodded her head over to their group of friends across the room, making Reggie’s eyes follow and this was the first time he noticed Luke and Alex had been sitting with the other couples. “Is that how you felt when Luke and Alex started dating? That you were afraid you’d lose him?”

Reggie dragged his eyes away from the couple and thought about her words. He had always been afraid of losing Alex, he’d always thought himself selfish for that fact. But soon he had a new season to fear losing Alex other than the way Julie was thinking. “Yeah, I was afraid of losing him.” He didn’t dare add, ‘I still am’. 

Julie pushed herself off the wall, grabbing Reggie’s hand upon feeling the somber mood they’d created between the pair of them. “Let’s go to the others and play a game. Take our minds off it.”

Reggie was thankful for the distraction even if that distraction meant involving the others. He was about to speak before Julie cut him off. “And no, we are not playing a live action version of Cluedo. Last time you accidentally hit Alex with a tennis racket and made his forehead bleed.”

Reggie grimaced, he really didn’t need the reminder. He was never good with blood. “I was just trying to make the game feel more authentic.” He jested and Julie rolled her eyes.

“You’re a danger to society, Peters.” Julie tugged his hand along with her until they reached the group. Julie let go of Reggie’s hand to plop down on a ottoman beside Flynn while Reggie fell onto his own couch beside Kayla.

“Okay, so me and Reg were just saying we should all play a game.” Julie suggested, and Reggie’s eyes met hers, he had no doing in fabricating such thoughts but instead he remained quiet as the group began exchanging ideas. His eyes quickly washed over the group and he became intensely aware that he was facing right across from where Luke and Alex sat in the circle. Alex was intently listening to Julie while Luke sat, staring down at the ground, fiddling with the glass in his hands. 

Luke began to raise his head as Kayla wrapped her arms around Reggie’s affectionately and he was glad to have elsewhere to place his attention. He could feel Luke’s hazel eyes peering at him from across the group but Reggie refused to move his gaze away from the beaming Kayla looking up at him as Julie suggested, “Why don’t I ask you guys questions about your significant other and you have to answer them correctly? Since we have an odd number and all.”

Mostly everyone seemed quite agreeable to the idea even Flynn and Carrie who blushed at the idea considering they hadn’t defined their relationship yet. Alex was the only one to groan at the suggestion. “We are not playing The Newly Weds game.” 

Reggie knew that Alex’s refusal was futile, Julie had set her mind to something and everyone else was complying. His blonde friend didn’t stand a chance. Bobby laughed from his side of the couch before he spoke, Jane curled into his side similarly to how Kayla was Reggie. “Come on, Alex. You guys have been together longer than my parents were. You guys will be fine.”

“That’s not what I meant…” Alex grumbled to himself in a whisper. Julie went about the rounds without a hitch, Reggie getting everything about Kayla right and as did most of the others. Next round was upon them and slowly things began to change. Jane had just answered correctly who Bobby’s relationship was before her much to Reggie’s embarrassment but it was all in good fun. Next up was Luke answering about Alex.

“Okay, Luke. Who was Alex’s first kiss?” Julie asked. Immediately Luke’s gaze found Reggie across the group, answering his name correctly. Beside him Alex looked slightly perplexed and Reggie began to wonder if Alex had never told Luke that fact after all. Upon getting her correct answer, Julie moved around the group again.

“Kayla, who is Reggie’s favourite artist? And the first person’s songs he learned to play on bass?” There was a moment of silence as Kayla thought, her face becoming more baffled as she struggled to come with an answer. Reggie was about to tell her it was fine when another voice broke the quiet of the group. 

“Billy Joel.” Everybody turned to the source of the voice and Reggie furrowed his eyebrows as everyone remained silent until Julie spoke up, a smile on her face and a chuckle to diffuse the growing tension. 

“It’s not your turn, Luke.” Luke shrugged his shoulders as if his intrusion was no big deal. He had answered a couple’s question on Reggie, someone who was admittedly not in a relationship with him while their significant other’s sat beside them. Reggie was horrified but tried his best to mask to expression. 

“He always talks about him, I thought it would be obvious, sorry.” Luke continued. There was an edge to his voice that Reggie didn’t appreciate as he felt Kayla’s palm grasp for his. Alex nudged his boyfriend for his unapologetic disruption, meeting his gaze in silent scolding. The group tried to carry on their game despite the tension that had seeped into the air around them and now Reggie couldn’t wait to escape, he wondered if Ray was around to send him to his room? He would gladly welcome the instruction right now.

“What’s Reggie’s favourite Star Wars film?” Kayla looked abashed, a shy smile on her lips as her eyes met Reggie’s. Kayla wasn’t the biggest fan of Star Wars, Reggie knew she rather detested it but she tried to lessen the dislike for him but that by no means meant she knew anything about the franchise. 

“Emm, the old one with all the lightsabers.” She answered shyly, laughing as she did so. Reggie laughed along with her, easing her embarrassment. From across the couch they heard a humourless scoff and Kayla flinched at the sound. Reggie begged himself to not roll his eyes at the sound. For someone who had been actively avoiding Luke Patterson for most of a year, he knew tonight he wouldn’t be getting away without one confrontation with the boy.

“Technically she’s not wrong.” Reggie jested, pulling Kayla under his arm to soothe the girl before she got too distressed at Luke’s petty jabs. 

As he began to answer correctly, he doesn’t know what made him do it, but his eyes fall on Luke, finding the boy’s piercing gaze already on him and as soon as Reggie begins saying the words ‘Empire Strikes Back’, Luke is there mouthing them along with him as if proving a point. It’s an act that makes Reggie’s skin crawl, his body feeling set alight and frigidly cold all at once. As the game goes a few more rounds, every time he can’t but help meet Luke's eyes and find the boy continuously mouthing the right answers to all the questions on Reggie. As Julie brings the game to a close and there seems to be a collective exhale in gratefulness from the group. Julie has to get prepped to sing for the guests, leaving the rest to their own devices for the moment. Luke sits back in his seat, cocky as if victor of his own mentally constructed competition. 

Reggie stands up, offering Kayla his hand to take, tugging her away from the group. He ignores hazel green prying eyes that follow them as they move out of the room and into the kitchen. When they’re on their own, Reggie pulls Kayla into a tight embrace letting the girl wrap her arms around his waist and snuggle into his chest as if it is a safe haven. “I’m so sorry for that. Are you okay?” 

Kayla nods silently, taking another moment to just hold onto Reggie before she lifts her head to meet his gaze. “I’m fine. You don’t have to apologise for Alex’s boyfriend being a dick, Reg. It’s not your fault.” 

Reggie nods slowly, he knows to some degree she’s right. It’s not his fault yet he feels so culpable in Luke’s actions as unwarranted as they were. He could be mean and mad at him all he wants but that’s not what Luke was after. It wasn’t Reggie he was looking to make upset yet he failed because by no means were Kayla and Reggie the only ones affected by Luke’s little display in the living room.

“If anything it just makes me grateful my boyfriend is such a sweetheart.” Kayla propped herself on her toes, pressing a soft, lingering kiss to his lips and Reggie sighed at the feeling as she broke away. He didn’t deserve this. If only she really knew. That at the end of the day, he was just as bad as Luke. He was just better at hiding it, which he felt that made him worse by comparison. Kayla broke away, soothing out her dress again. 

“I’m going to find the girls. Will you be alright for a bit?” Reggie nodded in response, pressing a quick kiss to her cheek before she walked out of the kitchen to find where the girls were helping Julie set up the piano outside. Reggie rolled his shoulders, falling against the kitchen counter, sighing. He knew what his next port of call would be but oh, how he would rather avoid it. But he was reeling. Kayla could plaster a facade of indifference but he had held her clammy hand in that room, he had met her saddened eyes, he knew what Luke had done, as small as the actions were to the Patterson boy, had affected her more than she would ever tell. From the side of his eye, he found the familiar orange beanie making its way upstairs and Reggie knew his only course was to follow. 

Reggie had waited a moment before advancing, slinking up the stairs as if he was heading into forbidden territory. As he rounded the corner towards his own room and the bathroom he came face to face with the one person he’d been ignoring one on one interaction with for months. Luke’s eyes were teasing as he spoke but there was something there, something just underneath the surface, something cold. “You stalking me now, Peters?”

Reggie wasn’t here for teasing, for witty banter. He was sure Luke knew that, so that’s why he pursued this bravado demeanor. A cocky smirk that looked out of place on his lips. And for a moment, Luke Patterson seemed like a stranger again. This time, a stranger that Reggie didn’t like. “Where do you get off acting like what you just did was okay?”

“And what did I just do?” Luke egged on, dipping his head lower from where he leaned up against the hallway wall. That stupid smirk unwavering, Reggie hated it. 

“You know exactly what. You were a dick, you upset Kayla out of pure spite. You embarrassed yourself.” Reggie hated himself for saying these things, he never thought it possible. To see the day where he didn’t see the Luke he always knew. 

“She’s just being sensitive. It was a game.” Luke reasoned, feigning indifference to the whole event and Reggie had to bite his cheek and force his eyes not to roll. 

“Yeah and you used to be sensitive too, what changed? This isn’t you.” Reggie folded his arms over his chest, shoulders tense and gaze unmoving. Luke’s smirk fell and his own body seemed to lose half the guise he was hiding behind.

“You know what.” Luke’s eyes pierced through his soul and Reggie wanted so desperately to look away but he was transfixed. He really wanted to believe that what had happened all those months ago was nothing, that they could move on and be completely unaffected by it all. It was just wishful thinking. 

“Well this isn’t a game. There’s no winners this time, only losers.” Reggie’s eyes traced the plains of Luke’s face and he finally realised how bad the other boy looked, how tired, how peaky and Reggie could see himself mirrored in the Patterson boy. They were battling the same demons inside themselves, fighting to keep their heads above water as guilt attempted to drown them. Reggie tried to not get choked up over his own words as he continued. “You can’t keep acting this way towards people. Especially those who care about you.”

Luke’s eyes fell to the ground momentarily and Reggie knew guilt from his every action that night was filling him and the boy visibly shrunk in on himself. When he looked back to Reggie, he was a changed man from the spiteful, aloof person he had been moments ago. He looked more like the Luke he knew, albeit more scared and fragile than Reggie remembered him. Luke’s voice was a small whisper, asking, “And what happens if I can’t stop?” 

Reggie knew by the look in his eyes, Luke already knew the answer. It was a fear Reggie had so many times before and still proceeded to have constantly. “You’ll end up alone.”

Luke raised his hand to Reggie’s cheek cautiously, waiting for the other boy to push him away. When he didn’t, Luke let his hand gently cup the blushing skin, his thumb rubbing ghostly circles on Reggie’s cheek. Luke’s eyes threatened to tear up but the boy closed his eyes for a brief moment, willing himself not to fall apart. When his hazel eyes opened again, it was like Luke had reset himself, so he forced himself to drop his hand and with two sullen words, whispered through a choked out sob, Luke left him in the darkened hallway. Only Reggie, the silence and Luke’s parting sentiment.

“I’m sorry.” 

❄

The night air envelopes him in it’s cold embrace as he steps outside. Most of the party goers have moved outside, ready for Julie to perform for them from where she stood beside her mother’s piano. Reggie slowly took the steps towards the garage where the makeshift performance area was laid out, debating if he should look for the others. He knew they were around somewhere but after his interaction with Luke inside he was dazed. He wanted to dip out for a while, recollect himself yet he wanted to be there for Julie like the many times she had been there for him. It was on these very steps over a year ago where Julie and Reggie sat sharing a blanket and gazing at the stars in the crisp December air. When Julie had confided in Reggie about missing her mother and he was hit with the same sorrowful emotions, admitted the same sentiments he had admitted to Luke days prior. How he had been missing home and how all consuming his loneliness had become. That night Julie vowed that he wouldn’t move back to the Wilson’s and instead stay with the Molina’s, where his true family was. Reggie hopped off the steps, planning to get lost in the growing crowd around the open garage doors, where Julie was introducing herself to the audience. 

“This one is for my parents. Every year my dad would sing it for my mom and this year I wanna sing it for him.” Julie pulled away from the microphone as she set herself up, fingers gently falling to the vinyl keys, pausing for a moment of anticipation. Julie visibly exhaled deeply before the first notes of the song rang out into the night air and Reggie smiled, knowing the song well. 

“Last Christmas I gave you my heart but the very next day, you gave it away.” Julie’s voice floated through the air and settled on his heart. She was always so delicate, so effortless but incredibly powerful but that was Julie. His eyes closed for a moment just listening. It was almost like it was just him and the music, the crowd deadly quiet, enraptured. 

Upon opening his eyes, he was reminded he was surrounded, hidden in a sea of people, completely inconspicuous. Like that night a year ago with Julie, Reggie found himself gazing up at the sky. He marvelled at how the stars sparkled and danced along the deepening dark night sky and he wondered how much lay beyond the starry canvas. He thought about his friends, he thought about strangers, he thought about himself, how small and insignificant they all were in the greater scheme of things. For the first time, that thought didn’t scare him. Because just like the phenomenon of the sky and everything that lay within, nothing could be taken at face value. He thought about Luke, how moments ago he had lost all hope for himself and regardless of every mistake he had made in life so far, regardless of the many more he might make, he was worth it. We were all worth it. We’re all worth millions of planets and stars and galaxies and universes. With a parting smile to the heavens, Reggie slowly let his head fall back into place but not before his eyes could meet that familiar hazel. Even from his seemingly inconspicuous place amidst the crowd, Luke had sought him out, had found him.

“Last Christmas I gave you my heart but the very next day, you gave it away.” Julie continued, Reggie still gazing over a sea of people to Luke who had yet to remove his own gaze from where he stood on the top step of the garden. They kept their unmoving stares locked, within their stares saying everything that was left unspoken between them. Everything they were afraid to say out loud. Reggie almost let a timid smile grace his lips because unlike the Wham! song, Reggie didn’t give Luke his heart Last Christmas. No, he had given that away four years ago at a grubby bus stop, to a disheveled guitarist who didn’t even know he had it and Reggie wondered if he ever would. 

“Merry Christmas, I wrapped it up and sent it.” Reggie listened to Julie’s emotional voice and his heart ached. He just knew Ray was somewhere in the crowd tearing up at his daughter. From across the garden, Luke still held his gaze and Reggie wondered if either of them really had the strength to be the first to look away. “With a note saying ‘I love you’, I meant it.”

Reggie realised as Julie sang that line, Luke’s mouth had moved too. He was mouthing the words along with her. He wasn’t just mouthing them, he was singing them. To Reggie. A silent serenade. Reggie was sure his mouth had fallen open at the implications of Luke’s actions but he willed himself to not read into it. If he did, he would only get burned. That was the problem with Luke and Reggie. Being with Luke made him feel like they were the only two people in the world and it was because of that feeling that Reggie’s perception narrowed and before he knew it, he was ruining everything around him. 

Luke’s gaze was torn away from Reggie and the boy let out a gasping breath he hadn’t realised he was holding. His eyes were free to roam without the lock Luke had on him and it was then that Reggie realised that Luke had turned around, his back to Reggie and the performance. A step above him was Alex with furrowed eyebrows and a frown begging to tug his lips down no matter how badly he tried to stop it. Luke pointed up towards the Molina house and Alex nodded his head before the two boys made their way from the crowd. With every step of distance put between Reggie and the two other Sunset Curve boys, his heart began to beat faster, his palms becoming sweaty as he rang the bottom of his sweater in his hands. He gazed around, his eyes flicking from person to person, he wasn’t sure what he was looking for. The exchange between Alex and Luke could look completely normal to anyone else, no cause for concern but Reggie’s stomach sank watching the pair. So before he had time to think about it all rationally, he was pushing himself through the crowd and pushing himself up the steps until he was throwing himself through the front door of the Molinas.

“Whoa, Reg, you okay?” A hand grasped his arm as he hectically scanned the house looking for the two boys. His frantic eyes met Bobby’s concerned ones and he nodded his head absentmindedly although anyone could tell he was far from fine.

“Have you seen Luke and Alex?” He peered over Bobby’s shoulders into the dining room but Bobby waved his hand in front of the smaller boy’s face to grab his attention. 

“They weren’t looking too good. I think they’re going to fight, it’s best to leave them alone.” Reggie’s fears confirmed, he tried to push away the sinking feeling in his stomach, the sense of foreboding of what would come from this fight. Bobby latched his grip on Reggie’s arm harder trying to ground the boy already seeing where the wheels in his mind were turning. “There’s no point getting involved, Reggie, you hear me? Just let them work through whatever they need to up there.”

Reggie’s eyes widened as he registered Bobby’s words, slowly lifting his hand to point to the staircase to his left. “Up there?”

Bobby shook his head, knowing where Reggie’s mind was heading. “No, Reg, leave them al-”  
Before Bobby had the time to finish his sentence, Reggie was breaking free of his grasp and running up the stairs without a moment of hesitation and Bobby cursed following him. Reggie nearly tripped as he made it to the top of the staircase, waiting for a second before he heard raised voices coming from the end of the hallway. His room. No, they couldn’t fight, they couldn’t break up. He began his hasty movements, ready to burst into the room completely unprepared and to beg them to stay together. That was until large arms wrapped around his torso from behind lifting him off the ground. Reggie cursed and flailed his limbs in futile attempts to break free as his captor moved them into the bathroom, two doors away from his bedroom. The door was kicked shut behind them before Reggie’s kidnapper put him down. Reggie twisted around on his foot to find Bobby locking the bathroom door behind them. 

“Bobby, no, you don’t understand. I need to go in there.” Reggie was distraught, panic lacing his body, his voice trembling in a shaky breath as he spoke. He pushed forward trying to grab at the door but Bobby pressed a sturdy hand to his chest and pushed him back to keep him at bay. “I need to stop them.”

“Reg, this is between Alex and Luke. You need to stay here and stay out of it.” Bobby’s voice was final, as if talking to a kid throwing a temper tantrum. It wasn’t a temper tantrum he was having but Reggie couldn’t rule out a panic attack as he began to lose his breath, his mind racing and pacing. 

“But I need…need to stop them. They can’t break up. They can’t.” Reggie ran a shaking hand through his hair, gripping on the strains, holding so tight that his scalp burned. 

Bobby let one of his hands plant itself on Reggie’s shoulders in comfort but it had quite the opposite effect. The hand was another weight pressing down on him and Reggie found himself backing away. “I know, Reggie. But maybe that’s what's best for them right now.”

Reggie shook his head, as he stared at the ground, refusing to believe that Bobby was right. “But they can’t. If they just stay together, they’ll be fine and they’ll be happy and then it won’t be my fault.” His words come out in a rushed, mangled breath and he shakes his hands at his admission. Bobby catches his words with furrowed eyebrows.

“Reg, what are you talking about? Your fault?” Reggie resolves to just sigh and grumble at his own mistake. He takes quick, flustered steps to the bathtub before getting in and pulling the shower curtain around the tub. He knows the action is ridiculous but as he sits down, he hopes it’s enough to make Bobby leave. He knows though, that Bobby won’t be swayed that easily. With an exasperated laugh, Bobby moves over to the bathtub letting himself lower to sit on the tiled floor. 

Bobby sighs to himself as he raps his knuckles against the side of the white bath. “Hey, Reg, anybody home?” 

From behind his shield, Reggie lets a small smile capture his lips. He bites his lip, wondering if he should tell Bobby the truth yet an insurmountable guilt takes over him. While he wants advice and selfishly for someone to tell him he’s not the terrible person he thinks he is but he’s not sure that this time it’s true. He also feels a tug on his heart at the idea of telling someone else before Alex. He settles to distract with comedy. “Nope, sorry. Reggie is unavailable at the moment but he’ll get back to you in two to five working days.” 

Bobby laughs from behind the curtain but it’s short lived. He rests his arm against the side of the tub, his fingers brushing against the shower curtain but he doesn’t dare pull it back. Reggie is thankful. “Tell me what happened, Reg?”

A moment of full silence penetrates the air between them. Bobby gives him time to think, time to speak, not pressing any further. Giving Reggie the chance to answer on his own terms. “I’m a terrible person and Alex will never forgive me.” 

“Well, I just got deja vu.” Bobby states, recounting their conversation, now years ago, at the batting cages.There’s no humour in his words as he says it, Reggie’s admission weighing down on them too much in that moment. Reggie pulls his legs to his chest and wraps his arms around them tight, his chin resting on his knee. “Reggie, what happened?”

He appreciates he asks that instead of ‘Reggie, what did you do?’ cause he knows that was his initial phrasing. He is grateful for the barrier between them as Reggie says what he says next, unable to face his friend's expression in the moment. “Last Christmas, me and Luke kissed. It doesn’t matter if he kissed me or if I kissed him. The problem is we kissed and it was only once and I’ve tried to avoid him since.”

There was a moment of silence, then another. Reggie felt like he was drowning in it. He let his leg’s stretch out in the tub, laying back fully. He imagined a full tub, his head submerging in the water and he found himself holding his breath. Bobby spoke, “And I’m guessing you haven’t told Alex?”

Reggie holds his breath a few seconds more, hoping his lungs might cave in before he has time to answer. He can’t read Bobby’s voice, the neutral tone of it unnerving. “I was too scared at first. Then it was so long I didn’t know how to do it anymore. I don’t want to lose him but I know I will once I do.”

“You fucked up.” Bobby’s voice is truthful and unforgiving but there is no hate to it. He says it like he’s stating facts, indisputable facts. “But you can’t carry the burden of all of this on yourself.” 

Reggie goes to meet Bobby’s eyes but the white barrier remains between them. He doesn’t feel brave enough to push it away so he resolves to peek at his friend from the side. Bobby meets his eyes and offers him a sad smile. “Yes, you made a mistake. You shouldn’t have kissed him but you weren’t alone in the act. You obviously liked Luke, a lot, and he acted on that or else he obviously likes you a lot too, in which case he shouldn’t have been dragging Alex along for that long.”

Reggie wants to speak but he’s lost his voice, unsure what to say. Bobby continues. “Reggie, you’re obviously taking responsibility for what you did but you don’t have to carry Luke’s for him too. You can blame yourself for kissing him but I will not let you look at his actions and say that’s your fault cause I just know that’s what you’ve been thinking.” 

Despite his tearful gaze, Reggie manages a short laugh at Bobby’s words. The tension diffuses slightly and Reggie feels the clutch on his stomach lessening with the thought that Bobby doesn’t hate him. “You know me so well, Wilson.”

“Yeah, I know I’m like your therapist at this point.” Bobby slowly raises his hand and grips the curtain. His eyes meet Reggie’s asking if it’s okay, he nods in response and Bobby pulls the curtain away.

“I don’t know why you still put up with me.” Reggie jested, sitting up in the cold bath, leaning his head against the tiled wall. 

Bobby shrugs, joking with a smirk picking up the side of his mouth. “Well, you haven’t paid me yet for all the shrink sessions, that’s probably why.” 

Reggie chuckled, closing his eyes for a moment and willing himself to prepare to go back outside to the party soon. When he opens his eyes, Bobby is staring at him observingly, his chin resting against his arm that lays across the side of the bathtub. 

“You know, I’m not going to get involved because it’s not my place, just like it’s not your place to get involved in what’s going on in there…” Bobby points over his shoulder to where Reggie’s room is. “But I think when you’re ready, you should tell Alex. It’s not gonna be easy and he’s gonna be mad and hurt and it may hurt your friendship for awhile but with a bit of time it will heal and you’ll come back to each other.”

Reggie meets his eyes and he knows that Bobby is right. “The longer you leave it to tell him, the mend won’t come as easy.” 

Reggie sniffles, “Thanks, Bobby.”

Bobby reaches out his hand for Reggie to take in his own. Grasping it gently, a feeling of comfort, of solitude. A silent promise between friends that everything will work out. “We’ll be alright, Reg. We’ll be alright.”

The words are whispered and Reggie believes them. Out in the hallway, footsteps moving past the bathroom door grab their attention and the pair look to the closed door as they hear Reggie’s bedroom door shut followed by more footsteps. As the pair meet gazes again, they silently agree to head out and sort through the fallout of whatever had happened in Reggie’s room. They make it to the bottom of the staircase, the majority of party goers still outside with Julie at the end of the garden. Through the small window beside the front door, Reggie can make out Alex’s figure sitting on the top steps of the porch.

Bobby notices too and tugs on Reggie’s hand that is still clutched in his own. “I’ll go after Luke and see if he’s okay. You be with Alex, okay?” 

Reggie nodded in agreement letting go of Bobby’s hand as the other boy moved forward to open the front door. “Thanks, man.” Reggie whispers and Bobby gives him a gentle smile before heading out the door and down the porch saying a shy greeting to Alex as he passes. Reggie follows behind him, closing the front door and coming to the first step beside Alex, sitting down. 

“Hey, man.” Reggie said cautiously as his arms settled on his knees from where he sat beside Alex on the steps. “You okay?” 

Alex raised his eyes to meet Reggie’s and it was the first time that he noted that Alex hadn’t been crying as he had initially thought. He seemed subdued, quiet, tired yet he didn’t appear as broken up over whatever had gone down within the four walls of Reggie’s bedroom. Alex offered him a small, sad smile and nodded slowly. “We broke up.” 

Reggie’s fears for the couple have been realised and made real, he winces at the words. Alex fiddles with the ring on his thumb as he looks out onto the driveway. Reggie’s voice is quiet. “I’m sorry, Alex.” 

“I’m not.” Alex’s words momentarily make Reggie take pause, observing his best friend. “Does that make me a bad person?” 

Reggie knew a thing or two about being a bad person and he could confirm without a shred of doubt that Alex was far from it. He nudged his arm against Alex’s playfully. “You’re not a bad person Alex. I doubt you ever could be.” 

The friend’s met each other’s gaze and with an appreciative smile, Alex’s hand quickly slipped into Reggie’s holding tightly. Alex was never good at processing and voicing emotions. Reggie knew this was his way of searching for something tangible, something to hold onto. 

“I feel like I should be more sad about it. I don’t know, it hadn’t been the same between us for a long time.” Reggie let his thumb brush back and forth comfortingly against the back of Alex’s hand that was in his own. “We both knew it but we still held onto each other. Just staying with each other for the sake of it because it felt safe not because it was what we wanted.” 

Listening to Alex’s words Reggie had come to notice exactly why his friend wasn’t crying, wasn’t distraught. He had time to prepare, this break up was a long time coming. Reggie wondered what was worse to break apart in the fits of passion or to wait long enough to forget why you started in the first place? Was it better to burn out or to fade away?

“Looking back now, I don’t know why we waited so long. It’s hard to hold onto something that isn’t there anymore, right?” Alex’s body visibly caved in, the exhaustion of the night taking its effects on him and his head came to rest atop of Reggie’s shoulder. 

“You know that song ‘Two Ghosts’?” Alex asks, his voice small, tired. Reggie leans his head down to rest on Alex’s. He nods, his cheek brushing against Alex’s soft blonde tendrils. “That’s what it felt like in the end. We weren’t who we used to be, just two ghosts in the place of me and him.” 

Reggie swallows harshly, wondering when exactly it had begun to change between the two. He had wanted to ask but he feared the answer, the possible confirmation of what he’d been dreading, that it was his fault. ‘Alex, there’s something I need to tell you’, the words get stuck on his tongue, and his mouth opens but nothing comes out. Before he can choke the sentence out, Alex is speaking again. “Hey, Reg. You know I’m leaving soon but could you do me a favour while I’m gone?”

Reggie blinked, suddenly remembering that Alex and his family were going skiing over the Christmas break and he became hyper aware of his timing. Maybe ruining Alex’s Christmas with tales of his disloyalty wasn’t the way to go about it. But Bobby’s words in his head rang out, reminding him that the longer he left it, the mend would be harder to bridge. He breathed out, losing his original words and opting on an answer. “Sure, ‘Lex. Anything.”

“While I’m gone, would you just keep an eye on Luke for me? Just make sure that he’s doing okay?” Trust Alex to break up with someone and still have the largest heart known to man. Reggie kept his head leaning against Alex’s, neither boy ready to move just yet. 

“Of course, man. I’ll make sure he’s alright.” Reggie wondered how much of him was lying. Nervousness would undoubtedly consume him before he could even think of going anywhere near Luke anytime soon. Alex nuzzled his head into Reggie’s shoulder, giving his hand a gentle squeeze. Reggie closes his eyes, but behind his eyelids his mind races. As his head buzzes, his body freezes and he focuses on Alex’s next words, breathed out in a content sigh that makes Reggie grow cold.

“Thanks, Reg. You’re a good friend.”

❄

It’s two days after Christmas when Reggie finally makes good on his promise to Alex. He hadn’t necessarily been planning to fulfil his best friend’s wish, he was happy to hold up at home until the New Year and pray that next year would be better. Reggie had also been spending numerous days trying to rehearse the best way to tell Alex about that dreaded incident of last Christmas. Every time, it sounded as horrible as the act of betrayal was so Reggie soon gave up on trying to create versions where he was less of a monster than he really is. Alex texted him almost everyday, seemingly enjoying himself at the ski resort and Reggie was glad that Alex was finally in a good place. That made the fact of what he had to do come Alex’s return crush his chest even more. Reggie had been replying to Alex’s daily texts, not missing the enamored way his friend talked about Willie, a new friend he’d made on his stay when he received a call. The phone call was not who he had expected but the sentiment was still formidable, Luke Patterson needed help.

So that’s how an hour later, Reggie found himself making his way down the familiar garden, towards an all too familiar garage, following behind a boy with tense shoulders and arms folded across his chest. “How did he end up here?” 

Bobby stops meer steps away from the garage door, turning back to the curious Reggie. “When I found him that night of the party he was freaking out cause he couldn’t stay at Alex’s anymore and didn’t know where he could go so I offered him the loft. I thought he’d just need a few days to get on his feet again and he’d be gone by Christmas but no, he’s still here.” 

Reggie furrowed his eyebrows, wondering why Luke couldn’t just go home. Bobby meets Reggies eyes as he speaks. “He’s not good Reggie, even I’m worried about him. I don’t think it’s best for him to stay here either.”

“What am I supposed to do about that?” Reggie looked at his old friend, perplexed and Bobby groaned. 

“I don’t know, okay. At least he’ll talk to you and tell you the truth before he’ll tell me anything. Just talk to him and figure out what’s going on at least.” Bobby begs, and Reggie sighs knowing that out of the two it was true that Reggie had the best chance at getting to the bottom of what was wrong with the Patterson boy. “Please, he needs to go home, it’s best for him right now. And this isn’t the Wilson wayward home for LGBT musicians.” 

Reggie rolled his eyes. He found it humorous that Bobby seemed so bad at deep conversations with anyone else but Reggie always found him the best person to talk to. Was it possible Reggie was the only one to get Bobby’s sensitive side to shine? “Okay, okay. I’ll try my best.” 

Bobby pats Reggie on the back, telling him ‘good luck’ before heading back inside his own house and as Reggie faces the looming garage alone, he instantly misses the support. He shakes out his nerves before pulling the garage door open. Inside the air is thick and warm, dust flies around the musky atmosphere and Reggie wonders when was the last time Luke cracked open a window. 

“What are you doing here?” Reggie’s gaze is called to Luke. His figure sitting lazily on the couch, his guitar thrown carelessly across the seat beside him. His hair is freshly wet and damp tendrils stick to his forehead. 

“Bobby wanted me to come by and see you.” Reggie tells honestly, his eyes flickering around the room finding empty bottles of alcohol thrown around the floor and coffee table where Luke’s songbook sits among the wreckage. Luke scoffs.

“Meaning he called you here to inspect me. Assess the damage. Well lucky for you, I actually showered today.” While Luke’s words hold their bite, they’re slightly slurred and Reggie moves his eyes from the empty bottles to the empty boy. 

“Have you been drinking?” Reggie presses and he watches as Luke’s gaze falls to the bottles surrounding him before he shakes his head.

“No.” The way the boy winces at the sunlight that streams in through the open door behind Reggie says otherwise. 

Reggie scoffs, crossing his arms over his chest and tries to look intimidating. “Are you seriously drunk right now?” 

It’s Luke’s turn to scoff now. “I’m not drunk. I’m hungover. There’s a difference.”

“Not a big one.” Reggie’s voice is small. As sad and disappointed as he is at Luke for acting this way, he knows in his bones the boy has his reasons. Reggie wished he was someone Luke trusted enough to confide in him about it. The boy was heading off the rails and if he wasn’t carefully there would only be a trainwreck in his wake. 

“No one is here to judge you, Luke. But you’re obviously not okay. We’re concerned.” Reggie edges his way into the garage slowly, cautiously not wanting to set the fragile boy off. Luke muttered to himself, keeping his eyes on his fiddling fingers, whispering words of how he’s fine, one’s without any validity to them. They both knew that. “We care about you and we want to help.” 

Reggie kicks away an empty bottle that lies on the floor before Luke and instead bends down in its place, hoping the action will make Luke meet his eyes. Luke slowly raises his head, his tearful hazel eyes meeting his own. “You care about me?” 

Reggie nods his head and Luke looks a bit dazed. “But I thought you d-”

“Of course, I care about you, Luke. And I don’t like seeing you like this.” He wants to add how seeing Luke like this scares him but he doesn’t dare lay that much force on the boy before him. Luke looks like he’s made of porcelain and cracks have already begun to grow at his foundations. One mistouch and he would crumble. 

“Luke, why can’t you go home?” He asks slowly, gently and he notices Luke visibly clam up. Reggie outstretches his hands and cups Luke’s fiddling ones in his own, reminding the boy that he was here, that he wasn’t alone. Luke meets his gaze again and relaxes by only a bit. 

“I ran away.” He croaks out and Reggie feels his shoulders sag and his own heart fall. Reggie squeezes the boy’s hand and wills him to continue in his own time. Luke sniffles in an attempt to keep his tears at bay but as he blinks they linger on his long eyelashes, threatening to spill over. “They told me that I needed to stop with my stupid dream of music. That I needed to go to college or find a reasonable career.” 

Reggie knew how much music meant to Luke, it was the thing that kept the boy going most days. The thing that drove him to get up in the morning. But he also feared that Luke’s commitment would hinder him from certain things but now that it was the barrier between him and his family, Reggie was afraid. 

“I need music like most people need air. I know it in by bones that this is it for me and it really fucking sucks that they can’t see that or support it.” Reggie raised his hand to Luke’s arm, rubbing up and down in comfort as Luke gripped Reggie’s other hand tightly and willing him to not let go. “So I left. And I can’t go back there.” 

Reggie pauses for a moment, he knows what it’s like to have someone who should support you not but he also knew how it felt to live without parents, without the feeling of family and he would never wish that feeling onto anyone. “Luke, I know you feel so passionately about music. Music is a huge part of you, you can never lose it and I know how much it hurts to not feel supported but are you ready to risk never seeing your parents again for it?”

Luke shook his head and Reggie knew he was already heading for defense. The question that lingered was, what if you were to die tomorrow? Would you be happy with the way you left things? Would you have any regrets? Reggie stops himself, not wanting to guilt Luke like that. Watching the broken boy in front of him, he saw himself and Reggie’s eyes threatened to tear up at the thought. 

“I can’t. I don’t need them.” Luke persisted but the tears that trailed down his cold cheeks told another story. 

“I know what not having your parents is like, Luke. You know you want to maintain your fine, but no matter the age or how terrible they were as people, not having them there, it fucks you up.” Reggie sniffled, meeting Luke’s blurry eyes with his own.They were a mess. “I know what your parents are saying isn’t fair but deep down their intentions are good. I don’t want you to make a decision now that you’ll live to regret later.” 

Luke seems to be heeding his words but as the boy looks to his side gazing pensively at his guitar, Reggie can tell he may not be swayed. When Luke returns his gaze, Reggie knows he’s made his decision and Reggie sighs in defeat. Luke raises his hands to grip the sides of Reggie’s face and they’re so close Reggie can see his reflection in Luke’s tears. 

“I don’t need them. I have you, I have the others. I don’t need them.” Reggie isn’t sure Luke believes his own words as he chants them, as if convincing himself they’re true. Reggie’s hands found Luke’s arms, clinging to the boy, to ground himself or Luke he’s not sure. 

“I don’t need them if I have you.” Luke repeats and then his lips are pushing onto Reggie’s. For a moment, he stays frozen as Luke’s lips work to get him to recuperate. But Reggie can taste the stale flavour of rum mixed with salty tears and he has to will himself to pull away because this is not what they need right now. It will only cause more bad than good. So Reggie raises his hands to Luke’s shoulders pushing the boy away as he steps away, stumbling backwards as he stands.

“Luke, we can’t do that. It won’t solve anything right now.” Reggie begs, his voice breathless and fumbling. Luke’s unforgiving eyes meet his and he fears the blowout of his words.

“Oh, so when you were upset and needed me, I was there. You kissed me back but now, when I need you the same, you change your mind.” Reggie knows Luke is upset and Reggie is here, an easy target to let his frustrations out at. His breath catches and he watches Luke with hurt eyes but Luke isn’t finished. He stands, kicking away another liquor bottle as he does so and Reggie prays he stays on the other side of the coffee table, where they’re a safe distance apart.

“So it was fine for you a year ago. When it was me in a relationship you were fine with that but now it’s reverse, you got yourself a girlfriend and now you’ve suddenly got morals.” His voice is the way it was the night of the party, saying hurtful things out of spite. Looking for a reaction. Reggie hates it but mostly he hates the possible truth he finds in Luke’s words. Luke scoffs. “That’s rich.”

“That’s not fair.” Reggie whispers, unable to get his voice to come out any stronger. Luke laughs, that heartless, snide laugh. 

“Yeah, a lot of things aren’t fair.” Reggie backs away. Luke’s words were true. Some things in life just weren’t fair and they had to stop trying to change things out of their control. Luke was a lost cause so with parting words, Reggie turned towards the garage door to leave. 

“You need help, Luke but I’m not the person who can give it to you.”

So Reggie left. He walked out with the admittance that you couldn’t help people who didn’t want it. Luke was sinking further and further and he would have to hit rock bottom to realise how far he had fallen. So Reggie walked briskly away and if he heard the fading sobs of Luke as he did so, he willed himself to ignore them and keep walking. 

❄

New year had come and gone and Reggie only had one resolution. It felt weird, holding onto such a dark resolution. While others were making promises to stop doing so much of this or to start doing more of that, Reggie had only one promise to the new year: ‘Tell my best friend I kissed his boyfriend’. Alex sipped his drink from across the coffee table in the middle of the Molina’s living room, the pair opting to lounge on the ground despite the numerous open, inviting couches available. Reggie was thankful that the Molina family were out at Carlos’ baseball game because Reggie wasn’t sure how the situation would have fared with them around. Alex laughed merrily, the alcoholic content of their fruity drinks loosening his tongue as he joked and giggled about his Christmas frolicking with a skater called Willie. It would seem that before too long Reggie wouldn’t be able to force himself into fake laughs. 

“You guys kissed!” Reggie hissed at Alex’s admission of what he had gotten up to New Years Eve, or more specifically what his mouth got up to. Alex giggled and covered his blushing cheeks in his hands acting like a kid with a crush. Reggie watched him with a fond smile, wondering what uncomplicated, pure, real romance could feel like. And Reggie had the audacity to wonder why none of his relationships ever felt right when he had never anything remotely close to what Alex was feeling about a boy he met only over two weeks ago. 

“Well, yeah we kissed but I don’t know if it means anything cause it was a new years kiss.” Alex began to move his hands around as he spoke, a knowing tell of his anxious self as he began to overthink. “Like what if it was a ‘oh you’re here with me, it’s New Years, let’s kiss’ kind of kiss and not a ‘you’re possibly the most beautiful man I’ve ever met in my life and if it would be okay with you I would love to marry you and have your babies. And even though that’s not physically possible we could adopt and have a little cottage and some dogs and a happy little life together’ kind of kiss.” 

Reggie watched his friend ramble with wide eyes and a grin. “That was very oddly specific Alex.” 

Alex looked sheepish as he shrugged his shoulders, but Reggie laughed as he met his eyes and he said, “The plane ride home was long, I had a lot of time to think.” 

“Didn’t know you were a cottagecore lesbian at heart, ‘Lex.” Reggie revelled in the genuine laughter between the two but he feared when the truth would come sooner rather than later, this could be the last time the pair are like this. “Are you gonna see him again?” 

Alex nodded enthusiastically but Reggie could tell his anxiousness was still threatening to spill out. “Yeah, he lives near. He stayed longer so he’s home in a few days. He said we could meet up then.”

Reggie smiled, leaning back and observing his friend. “I’m happy for you ‘Lex.” 

Alex gave him an appreciative smile before sitting up straighter, as a change of subject was due. “How’s Kayla?”

It was only then that it hit Reggie, despite asking Reggie to keep an eye on Luke, it was like Alex had forgotten, never asking about the boy. Reggie gulped and suddenly the piece of paper that he had ripped off a public notice board a few days ago weighed down in this pocket. The piece of paper that had a picture of a smiling Luke beaming at the reader but it was the block capital letters above the photo that had grabbed Reggie’s attention. 

‘MISSING PERSON: LUKE PATTERSON.’

Reggie didn’t know what to do with the information, the fact Luke’s parents were looking for him while he refused to go home. Bobby had informed him that days later, Luke had left on his own and no one knew where he was now. Reggie hadn’t known what to do so he kept the piece of paper close and hoped a solution would come to him soon. 

Reggie brushed off that thought and turned back to Alex. “Yeah, Kayla’s great. Went to her cousin’s for new years so she’ll be back soon too.” 

Alex nodded sipping his drink before he began to chuckle to himself. “I can’t believe you’ve been with Kayla and Bobby, that’s like as far away as you can get from one another. Complete polar opposites.” 

Reggie laughed, “Guess I don’t have a type.” Before he could say anything else Alex gasped between his laughter.

“Oh God, do you remember bus boy?” The words catch Reggie off guard and the part of the night he had been dreading, had been fearing was upon them. Alex was giving him an easy segue and as much as he didn’t want to, he knew he’d have to take this in and explain everything to Alex. “Wonder where he is? You never found him? That’s so weird, that you never crossed him again in all these years.” 

Reggie tensed and Alex, despite the drink on his tongue and laugh on his lips had noticed it. He froze too. “Wait, you found him didn’t you?” 

Reggie nods and suddenly he can’t meet his friend’s curious, peering gaze. Alex continues. “Who is it? Why’d you never tell me?” 

Reggie stays silent for a moment before he raises his head and takes in his friend, the last time before he bites the bullet. “It was kinda hard to find the words to tell your friend that the random guy you saw a bus stop and were completely enamored with was his new boyfriend.” 

There’s silence. It’s deafening. Realisation contorts Alex’s facial features and Reggie stays silent as he watches him, his friend muttering Luke’s name to himself under his breath. Then Alex speaks, his voice tight just above a whisper. “Did Luke remember you too?”

Reggie nods, he doesn’t know how to voice his words. Afraid of the consequence if he does. Alex stays quiet a minute more again, his mind turning as he mulls over this new information. His face distorts at the thoughts running through his head and he pushes himself up to stand. Reggie mirrors him standing. He doesn’t know what for as his hands fiddle in front of him nervously. Alex paces back and forth in the living room, only stopping to gaze at Reggie.

“So what were you two doing this whole time? Laughing at me behind my back or something. This little inside joke you two had that you didn’t care to share with me?” A frown settles in on his lips despite his hurt tone, he’s angry. He paces again not knowing how to process it all and Reggie is quick to jump to defense.

“Alex, no, of course not. It was never like that. I kept it to myself because I thought it didn’t matter. We only really talked about it last year.” Reggie explains, his voice trembling, words spilling from his mouth with unease. 

“You said you ‘thought’ it didn’t matter, did something happen to make it matter?” Alex asks, his body now still again and his stare unwavering. Examining eyes on Reggie, breaking him down layer by layer. He has a feeling Alex already knows what is to come by the guilt written over Reggie’s face but he wants to hear his friend say it, admit it.

Reggie nods slowly. “We kissed once. Last year, during that conversation. I’m so sorry, Alex. It never happened again and we regretted it instantly.” His voice is pleading but Alex is staring at the ceiling.

When he speaks, his voice is haunting. “Wow, real nice, Reg.”

He’s still trying to comprehend the admission and Reggie’s stomach turns at Alex’s pained expression. “I need to go. I can’t be around you right now.”

Alex turns swiftly heading out of the living room and towards the front door and even though Reggie knows he has to let him go, he still follows after him, stopping him at the now open front door as he speaks. “I’m so sorry I did this, that I was such a shitty friend and you don’t deserve it, Alex. It’s...it’s okay if you don’t want to be my friend anymore. I’ll understand but know I do love you, ‘Lex. You’re my best friend.”

Alex looks back to his best friend, mirroring Reggie’s tearful gaze as he sniffles. “I love you too, Reg.” He pauses, the hurt taking over the sad smile that he had sent Reggie. “I just don’t like you very much right now.” 

With those final words, Alex walks out the Molina house and Reggie stays frozen watching the spot where Alex had once stood. It was real, it had happened and now he was alone. After a few moments when he’s sure Alex has left, he walks out the door, standing on the first step of the porch and looks out at the night sky. His foot hits against plastic, the action causing a rustling sound and Reggie looked down to the source of the noise.

There on the porch beside him is the biggest bouquet of flowers Reggie has ever seen and for a moment he thinks they might be for Julie. He sits on the porch steps, reaching out for the bouquet where his blurry vision finds a manila envelope hidden among the assortment of flowers. Much to his surprise he finds his own name written on the envelope. With a cautious hand, he tugs the paper out of the bouquet, twisting the envelope around, two pieces of paper fell onto his lap. The first was a small note, in unmistakable, almost illegible handwriting, was written the familiar Wham lyrics. 

‘With a note saying ‘I love you’, I meant it.’

Reggie’s tears began falling from his eyes as he read it, the tears slipping down his cheeks and onto Luke’s words. With a shaking hand he picked up the second folded up paper. Unravelling it, he stared at the messy scrawls and scribbles on the familiar paper of Luke’s songbook. The top of the page, in large curved letters:

‘Crooked Teeth; (Reggie’s song).’ 

Reggie dropped the paper into his lap and raked his hands through his hair as his body shook with tears. Luke was right, a lot wasn’t fair. And as much as he wanted to roll into a ball and avoid everyone and life for the rest of his days, he knew he had to will himself to acknowledge what he was feeling. 

Because no matter how bad, how scary, he had to feel it with every bone in his body and not force himself to feel nothing. Because once you acknowledge your feelings and feel them from deep within, you can’t lose sight of who you are as a person. 

And Reggie, well, Reggie just wanted to find his way back to himself.


	6. Six: loving you's the antidote

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The final chapter is here! Sorry it took so long but I had to finish assignments and this chapter is also over 26'000 words and 48 pages long so it took awhile to write.  
> So it would seem I love writing Luke singing to Reggie but Songbird is a song I listened to a lot writing previous Ruke moments so I had to include it.  
> Also random self promotion but if anyone is interested I also do art and I've done some small jatp pieces and hope to do more so if you'd like to see that i'm (artbylauraeve) on tik tok. 
> 
> Thank you so much for the support as always. I appreciate every read, kudos and comment. I love hearing you guys' feedback!  
> Chapter title from the song 'Golden' by Harry Styles.  
> Happy reading!!
> 
> (see end notes for info on the next stories in this series!)

Six: loving you’s the antidote  
December 2021

It had taken Alex nearly two months to speak to Reggie again. Reggie had tried to keep himself busy, his mind occupied, trying to not focus on the emptiness in his life. Some days it had been hard to ignore. Reggie had never been one to believe in soulmates or twin flames and the subsequent idea that a person needed someone else to feel whole that stemmed from them. But those days without Alex, he began to understand. Maybe he didn’t believe in romantic soulmates but he was beginning to understand the idea of platonic soulmates. Because that’s what Alex was for him and every day without him got a bit longer, a bit duller, a bit harder to take. Reggie scolded himself on the days when he wished Alex would forgive him because as much as he missed his best friend, his brother, he knew he didn’t deserve it. If Alex decided that Reggie was someone that didn’t deserve to be a part of his life, then he would have to accept it. He’d wish him the best and watch from the sidelines as his friend carried on his life as Reggie would have to do the same with his own. He knew for Alex, it wasn’t the act or the lying per se that hurt him the most but instead the knowledge that Reggie had fractured all trust held between the pair. He had once said that he and Alex never had to wonder about one another, that they always knew where they stood with each other, that their cards were always laid bare for one another. Reggie had shattered that once held foundation that their friendship had stood upon and he knew it would take him years to build that trust up to what it once was if given the chance. Those were the hardest days to make it through. The days where the news circulated about the tale of his betrayal and disloyalty, when their friend’s tried their hardest to not pick sides yet Reggie had observed the new way in which they looked at him. The days when Kayla had found out and after many arguments that Reggie didn’t have the strength to take part in she had left him. Those were the days where Reggie couldn’t find himself to care about any of it because it all paled in comparison to the hole in his life where Alex no longer filled.

It was during these turbulent months that Reggie began to stay inside more except for work, where he began to read in some last ditch attempt to gain some perspective and understanding on a world that was chewing him up and spitting him out bit by bit. He found himself reading and comprehending when Oscar Wilde said ‘I am tired of myself tonight, I should like to be someone else’ or when Sylvia Plath said ‘I wish I knew what to do with my life, what to do with myself’ or when Rilke regarded living as ‘this heavy humanness’. Though morbid and strange, he found comfort in their words. To know he wasn’t the first to feel this way and that he certainly wouldn’t be the last. He had been close to accepting that he would have to learn the art of letting go, when on a fair day in late February Alex had showed up on his doorstep. It had taken a few days for them to find themselves in acting close to some semblance of what they were before. Days of Reggie asking Alex if he was sure he wanted to forgive the Peters boy and days of Alex telling him that he didn’t want to lose him because his pride had become more overpowering than his hurt after a while and was the reason he hadn’t come to him sooner. They had a sleepover that night, like the ones they had when they were kids. Talking about everything out in the open without ambiguity before Alex had filled Reggie in on everything that had happened in his absence, from his family to Willie. The excitement of Alex’s retelling of these events that Reggie wasn’t a part of had been enough to make Reggie vow that for the rest of his days he would never do anything to lose Alex again. He had felt like an outsider and he never wanted to miss anything ever again. 

When they both felt brave enough to approach the subject more than a week later, they had agreed to find Luke again. All their texts and attempts at reconciliation went unread and some even undelivered. Reggie had even considered calling the now familiar phone number, a phone number that he had called for the first time a month before, after finding it on a missing persons poster; Emily. In a moment of weakness and fear for Luke’s whereabouts and wellbeing days after receiving his flowers, Reggie had called Emily. Luckily she had heard from Luke’s uncle that Luke had gone to his after leaving Bobby’s garage and Reggie felt some comfort knowing the boy was out of harm's way. Alex had been first to find Luke. The boy had been busking out by the pier when Alex had come across him. Alex nor Luke ever told him what the pair talked about that day but it didn’t matter, as soon as the pair appeared on his doorstep together and on good terms, he hadn’t thought twice before pulling Luke into a long overdue hug. Luke had looked better and although the words always lingered on the tip of Reggie’s tongue, the two never mentioned that day in Bobby’s garage nor the flowers and notes afterwards. There was a silent agreement between the pair that they weren’t ready to unload all that had been simmering to a boiling point for all those years so they resolved to take their time, not force anything they didn’t want. Reggie told himself he would give it some time before he tried to broach that topic with Luke but his fear always kept him from it. Giving it some time had become weeks and weeks turned into months. Seasons changed, they revived Sunset Curve and the group fell into something resembling normality again. No one wanted to rock the boat. They were good for the first time in a long time, they were alright, they were content and they didn’t want to lose this feeling. So Reggie kept his mouth shut and settled on the idea that being friends is what was what all three of them needed. No drama, no tension, it’s what was the best for them, Reggie only wished he could make his heart believe what his head did. 

Reggie grunted as he made his way through the open door, dropping the box onto the hardwood floor with an exaggerated groan. Alex watched him, unamused from where he stood beside the kitchen island placing his own box on the counter. Reggie ignored his friend’s observing gaze and raised eyebrows before launching himself onto the living room couch, face first into the cushions. 

“Oh my God, that was torture.” Reggie pant, his words muffled by the couch cushions. Without his eyes on his friend, he just knew Alex was rolling his eyes at him. His sigh from across the room was enough of an indicator of that. 

“Reg, that was the first box you unloaded…” Alex remarked, moving over closer to where Reggie had hastily ditched the moving box. Reggie flipped over on the couch, pushing himself up on his elbows to watch his friend. Alex tilted his head to read the content label scribbled onto the box in permanent marker. “And it’s Willie’s clothes. Come on, Reg, are you really that unfit?” 

Reggie’s eyes widened at the insinuation. The answer was yes, yes he really was that unfit but he was allowed to admit that about himself but how dare Alex remark upon it. Reggie sat up on the couch pointing out the door. “Hey, first off, there’s no elevator, just flights of stairs and second of all, his clothes are surprisingly heavy, okay?”

Alex rolled his eyes again, shaking his head at his friend’s excuses. Reggie continued, his eyes wide and hands flailing around the air. “Like why are they so heavy? I’m pretty sure the guy doesn’t own one pair of full length pants, Alex. So why?” 

“Hey, don’t go bad mouthing my shorts, dude. I like to let my leg’s breathe.” Alex’s and Reggie’s attention moved from each other to the open door of the apartment where Willie was making his way past the threshold, three boxes piled high in his arms blocking their view of him. Immediately, Alex shot over to his boyfriend, taking one of the boxes out of his hands and placing it down by the couch. 

“Show off.” Reggie quipped jokingly from his spot on the couch. Willie met his eyes as he placed his own boxes down on the ground, poking out his tongue in retaliation at Reggie. Reggie just scrunched up his face in response as Alex called him a drama queen, coming to the defense of his boyfriend. Willie made his way over to the counter, grabbing a bottle of water, chugging half the contents before offering the bottle to Reggie who accepted it graciously. 

“Ready to make another trip, Reg?” Willie asked, patting Reggie’s shoulder from where he stood leaning against the back of the couch. Reggie scrunched up his nose at the thought of climbing up and down those four flights of stairs again. 

“Yeah, you guys go ahead. I lost something up here, I’m just gonna look around for it and then I’ll join you guys down there.” Reggie began twisting his neck around, eyes flitting from every corner of the room. He leaned over, searching underneath the couch and coffee table. Behind him, Alex and Willie shared a questioning look across the room. 

“What did you lose, Reg?” Willie asked, as the boy’s returned their gazes back to the boy on the couch who had begun rustling through the couch cushions. Alex took a few steps closer to the couch, standing beside Willie as he watched Reggie curiously. 

“My willpower. Have you guys seen it?” Reggie asked, stopping his movements and raising his head to look at the two boys with hopeful eyes. Willie let out a humorous giggle from where he sat against the back of the couch. 

“Give me strength.” Alex mumbled to himself, his hand coming up to smack against the back of Reggie’s head. Reggie swatted his hand away, perfectly content on the idea of lying back down on the couch for the next few minutes until Alex threw his head back in exasperation. “When is Luke getting here? He might be some actual help.” 

For every day the boy’s worked hard, Luke worked harder. Ever since their reunion, they had been working tirelessly to get Sunset Curve out there, to not only be heard but to be listened to. They had slowly been gaining traction and had even been making a name for themselves in the small L.A. club circuit. Reggie knew he and Alex wanted it just as much as Luke but they found themselves working harder and with more vigor just for Luke, at least Reggie did anyway. Every time they played he couldn’t help but think about that day with Luke in the garage. Luke was literally risking everything for this dream of their's, he was giving his all, body and soul and Reggie wanted to embrace his passion for music the same way Luke did. Luke still worked in The Orpheum with his uncle Caleb most nights they didn’t have a gig themselves, when he wasn’t working or busking he was practicing and Reggie was almost sure the boy thought in song lyrics at this point. Luke was an all or nothing person, he was driven, he was intensely ardent, in Reggie’s eyes he was golden. He was also the reason Reggie found himself avoiding carrying anymore of their moving boxes upstairs. Since moving in with his uncle, Luke had been living in the city and without the hazy suburbia holding him back, Luke told them tales of life in the middle of the action, Hollywood at your doorstep. So Alex and Reggie had saved up for months and finally moved out to their own apartment a few blocks away from Luke and with a third bedroom free, Alex had asked Willie to move in with them. Willie appreciated being closer to college for his final year but Reggie knew before long Willie would unofficially move into Alex’s room.  
“Last night he said he was working earlier this morning in The Orpheum and he’d come over to help after that.” Reggie finished his explanation of Luke’s whereabouts with a yawn. Alex watched him with raised eyebrows and a ghost of a smirk threatening to overtake his lips. 

“Oh last night?” He began and Reggie already began to roll his eyes knowing where he was going with it. Both too excited at the prospect of moving into the city properly for the first time, Alex had stayed over at Reggie's, his last night with the Molina’s. “When you guys talked on the phone until what was it? Four A.M?” 

Willie looked between his boyfriend and Reggie with an amused grin and Reggie felt a hot blush threaten to dance on his cheeks. Luke had called Reggie with a song idea a little after midnight like he’d done many nights before. They’d always bounce the ideas off each other before dissolving into the kind of conversation that would seem mindless and unimportant but would linger in your heart as you woke up the next day. It had become a thing they did, they never questioned it or treated it as anything outside of their new normal. But the teasing glances and jokes Alex had been making the whole day meant he thought otherwise. 

“Yeah, so. We worked through some songs.” Reggie deflected, shrugging in a bid to remain casual as his cheeks were being lit aflame and exposing him. Alex didn’t seem convinced at his answer. As far as Alex knew, Reggie had gotten a call from Luke, left the bedroom and was found early the next morning wrapped up asleep on the couch with a certain Patterson boy snoring away on the other end of the still ongoing call. 

“Yeah, I’ve heard that one before.” Alex laughed, crossing his arms over his chest. The smirk on his lips was getting stronger and Reggie wanted to sink further into the couch cushions and let them consume him. Willie still watched the pair from his place against the couch top. Noticing Reggie’s flustered state, he reached out and ruffled his hair. Lucky for him it was one of the only days Reggie didn’t have his hair gelled, only because he had already packed it. 

“What are you getting at, Alex?” Reggie couldn’t bear anymore of that knowing smirk so he bit the bullet, hoping to get the attention off him as soon as possible. Facing problems as they faced him instead of ignoring them for as long as possible? This was new for him and despite the embarrassment he was feeling in that moment, he liked this coping mechanism better.

“All I’m saying is that I’m not able to stand the pining looks in band practice anymore. Actually, scratch that, I’m not able to stand the pining looks whenever you two are in the same room anymore.” Reggie began to sputter at Alex’s words, he didn’t send Luke pining looks, did he? Who is he kidding, of course he did, Reggie was just disheartened to know he wasn’t doing it as subtly as he once thought. Did Luke know?

“We do not send each other ‘pining’ looks.” Reggie disregarded, waving his hand in dismissal. His gaze began flicking between the two boys standing over the couch above him. Alex, with his eyebrow raised, dubious as Willie shook his head slowly in disagreement with Reggie. 

“Willie?” Alex looked to his boyfriend, asking him to weigh in on their first big debate of the new apartment. If Reggie wasn’t mortified at how telling his infatuation was to everyone in the same room as him, he might have had the time to be sentimental. 

“Oh yeah, Reg. You do.” Willie agreed and Reggie’s tinted pink cheeks were quickly transitioning into a dark crimson. “The way both of you guys look at each other when the other isn’t looking, it’s electric.” 

“It’s pathetic.” Alex corrected. Even though he knew it was all friendly teasing, Reggie still sent his best friend a scowl for it being at his expense. Though he appreciated Willie being ever the romantic, he felt him and Reggie were alike in that way. If Alex wasn’t here, he probably would have asked Willie to divulge about this ‘electricity’ he saw like a kid with a schoolgirl crush. 

Reggie raised his hands in surrender, hoping to get the guy’s to stop what was beginning to feel like an interrogation. Like Alex was trying to get him to admit out loud what they were all thinking but yet Reggie refused. “Fine, then I’ll stop my ‘pining looks.” 

Alex chuckled at the way Reggie used his fingers to make air quotes as he said the word ‘pining’ as if he still had any defense left. It was obvious to every person who had ever encountered Luke and Reggie together, they were good friends with a lot unsaid between them. “Oh Reg, you guys wouldn’t be able to stop even if you tried.”

Reggie was about to shoot back another doubtful and unconvincing comeback, when flustered and loud panting was heard from the corridor outside the opened front door. The sound of shoes smacking against the steps of the stairs echoed within the walls of their living room and the trio all looked towards the door in time to see Luke skid to a stop in the middle of the doorframe. With slick, sweaty tendrils of hair stuck to his forehead and with panting, exhausted breaths flooding out from between his lips, he holds up a finger as a gesture to give him a moment to catch his breath. It seems like Luke can’t even seem to contain himself because a few quick seconds later, he’s sputtering out. “Guys, guys, guys!”

From the side of his eye, Reggie can see Alex glancing at him, obviously making a point of his Luke comments before the boy in question had shown up. Reggie met his blonde friend's gaze, ready to divert the topic. So instead he points to Luke, joking. “Hey, I’m not the only unfit one here. He’s out of breath too.” 

Luke’s eyebrows furrow at his words, shaking his head in a decisive action not to question it. “I was running.” He defends and Reggie swipes his gaze from Alex straight back to Luke who is still making efforts to control his breathing. 

Reggie watches him perplexed, “Running?” He asks and Luke nods. “Like on purpose?” 

“Nothing was chasing you?” Alex asks, joining in once Reggie looks back to the other boy for confirmation of what he was hearing was true. Since they’ve known Luke, neither think they’ve ever seen him run for the hell of it. Behind them, Willie chuckles at their antics but Luke is getting impatient.

“It’s not important, guys. What’s important is I have news!” Energy is emanating from Luke’s body in abundance and Reggie is suddenly frozen with anticipation watching the boy as he stands in the doorway. The way the light filters through the door behind him, makes Luke look like he’s glowing. As if he’s a sweet creature not of this earth, an angel.

Alex’s voice breaks him out of his daze. “Is the news that Reggie is making up excuses that no one is believing to get out of work cause we been knew?” Reggie immediately finds Alex’s gaze to flip him off in a delightfully ungentlemanly way. Luke rolls his eyes at the pair, exasperated.

“Guys! I love you but please just shut up for a minute.” Luke raises his voice only slightly and Alex and Reggie both guiltily share a look before calling a truce for Luke to tell them his news. Reggie forces down the flutter in his chest at Luke’s words and wills himself to pay attention to the rest of his words. “I was just with Caleb, a band had to back out of the New Years Eve showcase and he said we’re in.” 

It feels like an electric shock runs up his spine at Luke’s words and he sits in quiet amazement before Reggie an incredulous “What?” tumbles out of his mouth. 

“Are you serious?” Alex sputters out. Willie is quick to move, the only one not frozen on the spot. His hands latch onto Alex’s tense shoulders as they all stare back at Luke who watches them with a giant grin that lights up his face.

“WE’RE PLAYING THE ORPHEUM, BABY!” Luke shouts at the top of his lungs and Reggie can already tell their new neighbours are going to despise them. Luke begins jumping up and down on the spot as if the adrenaline in him is reaching a boiling point waiting to overflow. The shock wave that had trinkled up Reggie’s spine before has become an all out electric current setting his body alight. 

“Holy shit!” Reggie yelps, hopping up on top of the couch beginning to jump around wildly unable to contain himself. Willie and Alex are in a tight embrace, hopping up and down in their own celebration. The couch dips beside Reggie and Luke is there, arms outstretched to take Reggie into their own hug as they cheer and bounce on the couch cushions. 

Reggie revels in his unbridled happiness, he feels the most alive he has in awhile. Him and Luke are enveloped in each other, both laughing uncontrollably and it feels everywhere they’re touching is heat, sparks sizzling against Reggie’s skin where Luke holds him. And he finally understands the electricity Willie mentioned earlier. 

Alex breaks away from Willie from where they stand and immediately latches his gaze on Reggie and Luke, his eyes wide. “Guys, not the couch. Down now, please. Down!” 

The pair break apart but their galvanic excitement lingers between them, blazing between the two. Luke bounces off the couch in a jump, landing with a thump and Reggie takes his time, stepping off the couch more cautiously like a child after being scolded by a parent. Alex shakes his head at the pair. “You’re animals.”

At Alex’s comment, Luke chuckles before knocking his head back and imitating a wolf as he howls wildly at the ceiling. Reggie watches with wide, adoring eyes and an awestruck smile twisting his lips. When Luke looks back to the group, his eyes are still dazzling with pure joy and the grin overtaking his lips is refusing to fade. It’s the happiest Reggie has ever seen him. Alex forces down a smirk, trying to look unimpressed by Luke’s antics when Reggie joins in.

“Hey, ‘Lex, that’s ruff, buddy.” He jokes, hoping someone gets his bad pun but as Luke begins to unruly giggle, he knows his humour is not lost. Willie chuckles from beside Alex who is too focused on slapping his hand on his forehead at the pair. Luke wraps an arm around Reggie’s shoulders, leaning his forehead against his shoulder as his body shakes with laughter. 

“God, I’m surrounded by idiots.” Alex mutters to himself although his words are not lost under the giggles of Luke and Reggie. As he takes his hand away from his forehead, sighing he meets Willie’s gaze before him. His boyfriend raises a questioning eyebrow at his statement and Alex looks at the shorter boy, bashfully. “Not you, babe!” 

Willie scrunches up his nose watching Alex observingly for a quiet second before he resolves to hiss his blonde boy on his cheek. “Okay, I believe you.” 

Alex allows himself a moment to let out a sigh in contentment. Reggie and Luke have let their laughter fade away and the pair decide to let themselves fall and sink back into the couch, still looking like they're processing Luke’s news. Alex turns to Willie again, deciding that the other two Sunset Curve boys wouldn’t be moving anytime soon. “Come on, let’s go unpack more boxes if we want to be done before the sun goes down.”

Alex nods towards the door and begins to move out towards the building’s corridor when Willie grabs his hand making him look back. “Race you?” Willie asks with a devious smile on his lips and it’s a smile Alex can’t resist. He nods, quickly replying ‘race you’ back to his boyfriend before they both set out the door running.

Luke and Reggie stay still on the couch, watching the loving pair run out of sight with smiles on their faces. Echoing from the corridor is Willie’s gleeful shout followed by Alex’s breathless yell after his boyfriend. “Hey, sliding down the bannister is cheating!” 

From their space on the couch, Luke and Reggie chuckle fondly at the couple before they are surrounded in their own comforting silence. Luke sinks further back into the couch, letting out a deep, content exhale as he lets his head fall back against the back of the couch, his eyes fluttering closed at the feeling. Reggie follows his movement, sinking further into the welcoming cushions but as he rests his head back he can’t seem to close his eyes. Instead, he keeps them on Luke a moment longer. With his ruffled hair and eyes closed, he looks much younger and he instantly reminds Reggie of the first day he saw him. Luke’s lips twitch into a closed lipped, timid smile and Reggie wonders for a moment if Luke can tell he’s staring at him. But Luke just seems to look so blissfully unaware of everything in that moment, he is letting himself float in absolute euphoria and Reggie finds himself mirroring it. Luke always believed The Orpheum was it, he had beared enough witness to bands that played there and got approached by record producers in the same night to know that playing The Orpheum was their big break. Reggie let his own eyes flit up to the ceiling and he thought, how everything they’ve done, every ounce of work, every risk they took that it could finally mean something for them and his body filled with hope. Hope for him, for Alex, for Luke, that this wasn’t all for nothing.

“I can’t believe it.” He muttered incredulously to himself. His eyes lingered on the grey specks that painted the white ceiling like a very bland Jackson Pollock painting. From his peripheral vision, he saw Luke shift slightly, opening his own eyes and stared at the ceiling, his timid smile never leaving. 

“It’s really happening, Reg. This is the gig that changes everything.” Luke was breathless as he spoke, his voice filled with the possibilities of what the show could hold for them. Luke tilted his head from where he sat beside Reggie, now staring at the other boy mirroring how Reggie had gazed at him moments before. Reggie felt momentary braveness so he turned his head to Luke, both only inches away from each other as their gazes met. 

“It’s our time, Reg.” Luke whispered, his voice delicately dancing against Reggie’s skin. He lifted his hand gently, pushing away a tendril of Reggie’s ungelled hair away from his forehead and for a second Reggie let his eyes flutter close at the touch. Luke’s fingers trailed from his temple to his jaw, a ghostly touch as they fluttered gently against Reggie’s neck. They could hear the faint sound of Alex and Willie returning back up the staircase and Luke’s hand slowly pulled away. Reggie’s eyes opened again at the lack of contact and once again the pair were gazily intently at each other. 

“It’s our time.” Luke repeated, his voice as quiet and soft as it had been the first time. But something felt changed in his tone this time and Reggie wondered if he was just talking about the music. Luke’s words were a promise and Reggie didn’t have to think twice before believing them. 

❄

Reggie had been thinking in chords, harmonies and setlists for the past few weeks. As soon as the initial excitement and shock of the news of their new gig had settled in, Luke had gone into preparation mode. It was all practice, all the time. Any moment the three boys weren’t working, they were practicing. If they weren’t practicing, they were talking setlists, song edits, set and stage layout. Despite the fact that in actuality their big break was a twenty minute set at a showcase with four other musicians, the boys, especially Luke, were treating it as if it was the first night on a stadium tour. During the day, they were musical machines working hours on end not giving up until every chord progression was perfect and in sync and during the night, Luke was on the phone to Reggie singing sweet lyrics across the line feeling as if he was right beside him, discussing beats and exchanging lyrics. Reggie knew in the back of their minds, they were all exhausted but they powered through nonetheless. 

Alex had been first to approach the subject of taking it easy for a bit, which Luke took as an insult, as was expected. You couldn’t bad talk music, that was Luke’s baby. Despite his initial offense, Reggie was thankful when Luke finally caved in agreeing to take a few days off in the lead up to Christmas. Reggie’s overworked fingers had ached where they held tightly onto the neck of his bass guitar and his head had been spinning every time he sang into Luke’s microphone with him, so the short break was welcome. So on the few days they had negotiated to take off from band practice, Reggie had found himself out doing last minute Christmas shopping. Christmas was less than a week away and Alex and Reggie had also been prepping for the gang to head out to a restaurant for dinner to celebrate their new apartment and new gig the next day, so Reggie had seen it as one of his last chances to gather presents. Alex was much too fretful to let that many people into their apartment already, so they had come to a compromise instead of an actual housewarming party. 

Reggie had enjoyed his day. Despite spending it constantly moving through similar last minute Christmas shoppers, Reggie had appreciated the solitude of his solo trip. By nature, Reggie was an extroverted person, he loved others' company, he thrived on it but that didn't mean he didn’t have his days of seclusion but when push came to shove, Reggie hated being alone. But as he thought of the past few weeks, between rehearsal, work and the apartment, Reggie rarely had time to himself so he cherished the moment of quiet reflection he was currently getting. Once he had finished shopping, the daylight was beginning to fade into the darkening evening yet Reggie wasn’t quite ready to let the moment go so he ducked into a local cafe and buried himself into a corner, finding contentment in the coffee and quiet. He had pulled out his own song book, flipping through the pages and lingering a moment too long on the ones Luke had scribbled and doodled on during their writing sessions. He didn’t know how long he had spent there, sipping coffee and eyes burning the pen strokes on the pages to memory. 

“Reggie?” The familiar gentle voice graced his ears, a voice he usually heard filtered through his cellphone. Slowly he gazed up from the paper, his eyes meeting the curious gaze of the female before him. He had only met the woman once or twice before everything had gone down last Christmas yet he felt he knew her as a close confidant. 

A timid smile slowly tugged at his lips as he nodded his head in affirmation before he mirrored the woman standing above him, asking, “Emily?” 

“I thought it was you.” Emily spoke slowly, cautiously as she breached this new territory. After the mess that had grown between himself, Alex and Luke a year ago, Reggie had told himself he’d try his hardest to never keep anything from his friends. He had already failed this in two regards. The first being that he was irrevocably in love with Luke Patterson and too afraid to tell him in fear he would ruin everything that he, Alex and Luke had spent a year building back up. The second was the fact that ever since that first phone call to Emily almost a year ago, they had kept in constant touch. Once he had reunited with Luke, he thought it only courteous to tell Emily that her son was okay and in a good place. After that, Emily seemed to call regularly asking about Luke and Reggie didn’t have the heart to refuse her so he’d give her updates, to keep her in the loop. Reggie had seen the way Luke’s face would fall whenever he saw the way Ray interacted with Julie and Carlos and even Reggie, or when Ms. Mercer would make them dinner after a long day of band practice. He knew Luke missed his parents and the home comforts that came along with them. Reggie had become a stranger to his parents, and they to him, he would find himself wondering if he passed them on the street would he even realise. He never wanted that sense of estrangement for Luke or for Emily and Mitch, so he had kept in contact. Once again it was something that he feared telling Luke, because Luke was tough, he was stubborn and he had spent months convincing himself that he was fine without them. Reggie feared he believed it too.

When Emily lingered a moment longer, looking unsure of her next move, Reggie outstretched his hand to the empty seat across the small table from him. “Would you like to join me?” 

Emily thanked him, giving him a gracious smile as she placed her own coffee mug on the table and pulled out the chair to sit. Despite the fact they had talked many times before, being face to face had an element of surrealism to it. Emily’s shoulder length brown waves were brushed to perfection, framing her tired face, Reggie noticed. After a second of silence between the pair, Reggie decided to speak. “How are you, Mrs. Patterson?” 

“You can call me Emily, pet.” She laughs but it doesn’t last long. Emily picks up her mug and cradles it between her two hands yet she doesn’t move to take a sip. There always had been something that drew Reggie to Emily from all the times they had spoken, he resolved to think it was her naturally maternal way of regarding him, something he had been missing since he was a young child. “I’ve been okay. I know it’s been a year but the house still feels too empty.” 

Reggie registers the words she speaks but as he dissects them and meets her sad gaze, he understands her meaning. The house was only an extension of herself and with Luke, she too felt empty. Even if for the briefest of months, Reggie had too felt the extent of having Luke Patterson leave your life. Luke was someone who swooped into your life, uninvited and unexpected and impacted your life without ever realising and when he left, if he did, a phantom feeling of him would still remain to make sure you never forgot him. 

Reggie offers her a comforting smile, as his fingers fiddle with the handle of his coffee mug. Emily slowly sips her coffee before asking. “How is he?” 

“He’s good.” Reggie isn’t sure how much he should divulge. He speaks quietly, as if there was a chance of Luke hearing. “He’s the happiest I’ve seen him in a long time.” 

Reggie looks up to Emily again, her eyes glazing over as a small yet genuine smile takes over her lips. “That’s good.” She breathes out and Reggie knows that despite her emptiness and her saddest that she is happy for him. “I talk to Caleb about him when I can but he never seems to know much except that he’s okay and he’s eating.” She chuckles and Reggie joins her.

“I don’t think Luke really tells him much about how he’s really feeling.” Her words make Reggie gaze back down to his songbook, remembering a night only a few days ago on their nightly call, when Luke had played a song for Reggie to give him his thoughts on but Reggie had listened and had shed a tear, telling Luke that he wouldn’t have changed a thing about it, it was perfect. He knew this song, ‘Unsaid Emily’ was Luke’s way of letting him in, to tell him everything that Luke was afraid to bring up in everyday conversation. Reggie had listened and had given Luke the space to let his emotions run freely and if he had heard Luke’s voice break as he sang, Reggie kept it to himself. 

“Luke rarely does with us either but for everything Luke keeps inside, his expressions and actions tell all. I guess if you know a person well and know their tells and where to look, you can find out a lot even if it’s left unsaid.” Reggie is still staring at the journal as he speaks and once the words are out he has to take a second to register that they came from him. His parents had always said he was too hyperactive, too unfocused but Reggie knew he focused on what was important, people, specifically people he loved. 

“Luke was always funny like that.” Emily laughs as she speaks and Reggie can see the far off look in her eyes, the reminiscence. “He’s always been in touch with his emotions but God forbid you make him talk about them.” 

Reggie chuckles quietly, that was Luke alright. Luke loved so hard, so much and he felt feelings deeply, that much was evident from his lyrics alone. Luke portrayed his feelings in actions, in songs, in guitar riffs, in touches. Emily begins to speak but catches herself, as if contemplating her next words. Her face twists in something akin to realisation and she glances back to Reggie, observing him as if seeing him a new light and Reggie wants to ask what she’s thinking but before he does, she’s speaking again.

“In the past few years, there’s only one time I can think of that Luke let me inside his mind, into what he was feeling.” Emily pauses again, as if wondering if this is a story she is allowed to tell. She furrowed her eyebrows as she remembered the details and Reggie waited with bated breath. 

“He came home late one night, I was still up and I had expected him to just say goodnight and head upstairs like he usually did but he stayed with me and I knew something was on his mind. He was just hovering over me and I knew he wasn’t sure how to say something. So I asked him what was wrong.” Emily has a fond smile threatening to tug at her lips as she speaks. Reggie doesn’t move his eyes off her as she speaks, wondering what Luke had confided in her that he felt he couldn’t with the boys. 

“And I remember him, so unusually shy for Luke, he asked ‘is it possible to be in love with two people at once?” Reggie clams up, so that was the reason. He isn’t sure what to say so he resolves to stay silent and let Emily continue. “He was dating Alex at the time so I always knew he was talking about him but I can’t believe it’s taken me so long to realise who else he had been talking about?”

Reggie’s hands are cold and sweaty where they tightly grasp his mug of now cooling coffee. His eyes stay locked on Emily and she refuses to look away, a small almost teasing smile on her lips at Reggie’s reaction to her admission. “I should have known sooner, Luke talked about you like you hung the stars. I’m sure he still does.”

Reggie finally gathers the strength to look away, his eyes back on the table. “Two years is a long time.” He doesn’t know what he’s insinuating by this, that if what Emily is saying is true, two years and everything they have been through was enough to make Luke fall out of love. It hadn’t been enough to make Reggie. 

“I’m glad he has someone like you.” Emily’s voice is gentle and comforting as it wraps around him. Her warm hand moves across the table to softly land on Reggie’s clammy one. Reggie looks up to meet her eyes, they’re less intense now, instead there’s a tenderness lying therein.

“I’m glad I have someone like him too.” He admits, willing himself not to let his emotions get the better of him. He could almost laugh, for a boy so in touch with his emotions after all these years Luke Patterson was still an enigma to him. He was a mystery, a riddle, a puzzle with a missing piece that Reggie was desperately searching for. As he thought of Luke and the paradox of his feelings, he was once again reminded of Unsaid Emily and while he didn’t want to tell Emily the truth about the song, a plan was set into motion inside his mind instead.

“He’s been working so hard. He’s the most passionate, lively, driven person I’ve ever met and everyday I’m amazed by him. Luke is so immensely talented and it’s because of him that we’ve gotten a chance. Our band is playing The Orpheum on New Years Eve.” Reggie keeps his gaze on Emily waging her reaction. Her eyebrows raise at his news, a ghost of a smile teasing her lips. 

“This show means a lot to us, it means a lot to Luke. If it goes well this could be it for us, this is our ‘big break’ so to speak. Our chance to show that this dream of ours and the work we’ve put into it, it’s not all for nothing.” Emily’s smile grows at his words. He knows that the band and music was the reason for the rift between Luke and his parents so he hopes he isn’t coming on too strong to a sensitive topic but Emily doesn’t seem to take his words in bad taste. 

“I’m happy for you boys.” Emily’s smile doesn’t quite reach her eyes as she says this and Reggie can tell her lack of support for Luke in his music is at the forefront of her mind. Reggie can tell by the way she looks down at her mug, as if too guilty to keep his gaze. 

“I would like for you to be there when we play. You and Mitch.” Reggie speaks slowly, warily, his eyes watching Emily attentively. 

Without meeting his eyes across the table, she asks, her voice small. “Do you think that’s a good idea?” 

“I know Luke misses you. He may try to act like he’s okay without his parents but I know it’s something he thinks about a lot.” The lyrics of Luke’s song are circulating around his head mercilessly and he swears to not leave until Emily has agreed. “All he has ever wanted was for you guys to support him in what he loves, in what gives him a reason to live and what gives meaning to him. Music is a part of Luke, he wouldn’t be the same person, the Luke we know and love, without it.”

Emily finally meets his gaze and her eyes are glazed over with tears, droplets latching onto her lashes, threatening to spill. Instantly, Reggie reaches over, gently placing his hand above hers comfortingly as she had done for him in his moment of need. “So please, support him now. Before it really is too late. Please say you’ll come.” 

Emily sniffles, yet she nods. “I’ll come. We both will.” 

“Thank you.” Reggie exhales, his own tears threatening to spill as he lets go of the tension he’s been holding onto the whole conversation. The pair sit in momentary silence, comprehending their own new findings and moments of enlightenment they obtained from each other's words. As they chat a few minutes more, Reggie promises that he’ll tell Caleb to add Emily and Mitch’s names to the list. As the evening closes in on the pair, Emily leaves to make it home for dinner but not before pulling Reggie into a tight, thanking embrace. Reggie sits in silence a few minutes longer before Alex texts, wondering where he is. As he packs up his own belongings, his gazes at the songbook in his hand and begins to wonder about his plan. 

He had gotten Emily to agree to come support Luke at their show but the second part of his plan would probably prove to be much harder to execute. Luke Patterson was very particular about certain things, especially their finalised gig setlist plans so as Reggie walked out into the cool winter evening air he began to think, to plan, to ponder; just how hard was it going to be to convince Luke to play Unsaid Emily?

❄

Reggie hadn’t stopped thinking about his conversation with Emily the whole next day. He knew somewhere inside of himself, he had always held onto the idea that Luke loved him with the same irreversible infatuation that Reggie felt for him, Luke’s note a year ago that Reggie carried hidden in his wallet close to him at all times was evidence about that. But Reggie was still hesitant, fearful of acting on his feelings. He had let his emotions carry his actions once before and it had led him into a dark time in his life. He was beginning to believe that when it came to love, Reggie and his feelings were undoubtedly cursed. Reggie had thought after his relationship with Kayla ended all those months ago, that being single, being by himself was his best option. He wanted to find his way back to himself, so that he became the person he used to be, the person he missed. He was sick of looking in the mirror and not recognising himself anymore. But as he stood before his reflection the evening of Alex’s and Reggie’s fancy dinner in a local restaurant, Reggie couldn’t help but smile. He looked like himself again instead of a stranger that held his face but none of his characteristics. He was the Reggie he had been missing, albeit, a slightly more older version. 

When Reggie had finished the last button of his red collared shirt, he sent a parting smile to his reflection leaving the bedroom in search of his housemates. Alex made reservations for the group at a local restaurant a few streets down and the designated meeting time was slowly approaching. Reggie found his housemates in Willie’s bedroom where Willie sat at his desk rustling through his drawer for something while Alex paced back and forth across the room, his eyes flicking to the alarm clock every few seconds. Reggie resolved to nestle himself in the doorway, silently observing. 

“Okay, our reservation is at half seven. I told everyone to be there at fifteen minutes past instead because come on, Flynn is never on time. The restaurant is ten minutes away meaning we have to leave in the next fifteen minutes if we’re -” Alex was rambling as he paced across the carpet, head down and fingers fiddling and twisting together as he did. Willie found the hairbrush he had been searching for as he whirled around in his chair. 

“Hey, babe. Everything is on the right track and everyone will be on time.” He assured, reaching out a gentle hand to grasp one of Alex’s as he was walking past him. The touch made Alex pause his movements and meet his boyfriend's gaze. 

“Will you brush it for me?” Willie questions, offering the hair brush to Alex. A shy smile appeared on the blonde boy’s lips as he took the outstretched brush. Reggie could feel his own fond smile appearing on his face as he watched the pair. Willie twirled around in his chair again and Alex played with his long hair in his fingers for a moment before beginning to brush down the long, soft tendrils. 

Reggie tilted his head to rest against the door frame, remembering how Alex had once told him that playing with Willie’s hair would calm his mind sometimes. It seemed Willie was also aware of the fact, offering the simple act before Alex worked himself up. Watching the pair in their own little bubble from his place on the outside filled Reggie with a bittersweet longing. For a chance at this unbridled happiness and comfort and gentle adoration with someone. He had dreamed of it many times throughout the years, every time his partner the same; always wide smiles, contagious laughter, cold rings on fingers as they touch him, exposed arms wrapped around him, keeping him safe, hazel eyes blazing with affection. 

Reggie moved away from the doorway, waltzing into the bedroom and setting himself down at the edge of the bed beside the couple. “You guys ready to rock n’ roll in a bit?” 

Alex glanced at Reggie from over his shoulders, his fingers still combing through Willie’s hair as he brushed. He raised an eyebrow, laughing at his friend as he said. “You’ve been spending way too much time with Ray.” 

Even with his back to him, Willie’s gaze met Reggie’s in the small mirror sitting against the wall above his desk. Reggie raised an eyebrow, not understanding what he said. Willie joined Alex in his laughter. “It’s true. You sound like a dad.” 

“Ray is a stand up gentleman so the jokes on you.” Reggie crossed his arms over his chest in a childish huff only making the other two boys laugh harder. Reggie rolled his eyes but a contagious grin snuck its way onto his lips. 

A moment after Alex’s laughter has faded away, he’s back to overthinking. “Do you think everyone got the memo about it being ‘fancy casual?” Willie and Reggie meet each other’s gazes in the mirror once more and share a knowing look as Alex continues. “Reggie, you reminded Luke didn’t you?”

“Yes, I told Luke that it was a ‘fancy casual’ dinner or did I say ‘fancy dress’ dinner?” Reggie jested, unable to unleash a bout of laughter when Alex looked back at him unimpressed. “I told him, don’t worry, Lex. And I specifically explained that ‘fancy casual’ meant sleeves were mandatory.” 

Alex nodded thankfully, finishing his last brush of Willie’s hair before leaning over his boyfriend to place the hairbrush back on the desk. As Alex retracted his hand, Willie grasped it in his own, placing a quick kiss against the back of Alex’s hand before letting go again. Willie and Alex acted in such simple, loving gestures without overthinking their movements. The casual affection made Reggie’s heart ache with wanting again. As good as being alone for him had been, how he needed that time to figure himself out, it was beginning to take its effect. He wanted to enjoy the rest of his night with his friends, so he shoved the longing burrowing itself in his chest away. 

The trio had left minutes later, Alex ushering them out like he was rounding up farm animals. Once they began walking towards the restaurant, Alex and Willie had been to his right, hands intertwined as they walked arm to arm and Reggie wished his position as third wheel was less blatantly obvious. But as they rounded the corner onto the street of their destination, Reggie’s eyes fell onto Julie and Flynn as they chatted animatedly outside the door of the restaurant awaiting their arrival. 

“Julie. Flynn!” Reggie called out, running towards the girls without a moment of hesitation. With the hectic schedule of band practice and work, it had been weeks since Reggie had seen either but it felt like months. Both girls paused their conversation turning towards their names, matching grins breaking out at the sight of Reggie running towards them. Flynn immediately moved to where Reggie was directly running, opening up her arms for Reggie to run into a hug. As his arms came to wrap around Flynn’s waist, he hoisted her up into a hug as he twirled her around, her legs swinging around wildly. 

“Well, isn’t it Mr. Rockstar with his busy schedule.” Julie joked, when Reggie put Flynn back onto the ground, breaking away from their embrace. Reggie chuckled, flipping his imaginary hair over his shoulder at her comment. They both shared a loving grin before Reggie pulled the smaller girl into a tight hug too. As he broke away, Willie and Alex had reached the group and were greeting the girls with their own hugs. A gentle hand landed on Reggie’s shoulder, making him spin around and he was delighted to find Ray smiling down at him.

“Good to see you, mijo.” Ray greeted and Reggie wasted no time, giving Ray his own quick hug. As he did, he spotted Mrs. Mercer from her place behind Ray. He almost laughed to himself, despite all the gang being technically adults now, the parents still had to coop together. Reggie was sure, they’d always be kids to them. Reggie broke away not letting his hug linger.

“Good to see you too. You too, Mrs. Mercer.” Alex’s mother raised her hand to pat his cheek gently. Her hand was falling away as fast as he felt her touch. She gave him a fond smile. Reggie had always been good with parents, technically more so other people’s rather than his own. But he assumed that’s where it all stemmed from. He wanted people’s parents to like him but after a few years he came to the conclusion he did this as a means to seek parental validation that he was lacking at home. 

“Reggie, darling, you’ve known me since you were a kid. You can call me Elaine.” Mrs Mercer- Elaine - said with a loving smile and Reggie immediately became bashful, only nodding in response to her. Ray laughed at him from his spot between the two, patting Reggie’s back quickly before removing his hand. 

From behind Reggie, Alex announces that the table should be ready so the group begins to follow him into the restaurant. Reggie began to move to follow before he became acutely aware that there was a member missing from their group. He freezes, staying behind as the others head inside. Bobby and Carrie hadn’t been able to come, both not being home for the holidays yet but that didn’t explain the one missing link from their guests. Luke. He was late and Reggie wasn’t sure if he should wait a moment longer or to head inside with the rest, out of the cold. Reggie stuffed his hands into the pockets of his leather jacket about to decide on the latter when his name was called out. 

“Hey, Reg!” He twisted on his heel, turning around with his eyes frantically searching for the source of his name. It only takes him a few seconds to spot him. Luke is looking up and down the street for oncoming traffic before running across the road to Reggie and once he’s near, Reggie’s breath hitches. It’s Luke, he’s sure of that but he’s not everyday Luke. He’s taken Alex’s dress code on board. He wears his usual black jeans with his chain link wallet attached but he pairs it with a white dress shirt. It’s untucked with the sleeves pulled up to his elbow and the top few buttons undone and his hair is combed off his forehead in a way Reggie has never seen before on him but he can’t look away. He hates the fact he’s staring but Luke is so unbearingly attractive that Reggie has lost all sense. Luke observes him staring and despite the growing pink tint on the Patterson boys cheeks, he laughs and remains casual. 

“It was Caleb. I told him it was ‘fancy casual’ and he had a field day.” He giggles as he explains and Reggie thinks his heart is about to burst. It isn’t until then that Reggie realises how unresponsive he’s being and he shakes out his embarrassment, joining in Luke’s laughter. 

“Caleb knows what he’s doing.” Reggie jested, but as Luke laughs and looks to the ground Reggie drinks him once more. Luke moves a few steps closer to Reggie and the door and as Reggie meets his gaze again and watches them glimmer with light he can’t help himself. “You look handsome.” 

Luke’s grin grows and any shiness he held initially has been dismantled by his usually teasing, flirtatious self. Reggie is just thankful he didn't say ‘pretty’ which was the first word that had threatened to spill from him. Luke tilts his head slightly to the right, taking in Reggie before he speaks.

“Yeah? Well you look beautiful.” His words catch Reggie off guard and he visibly freezes. His body doesn’t move but his eyes seek out Luke’s again. Despite his teasing tone and devilish grin, his hazel eyes hold a bold and undeniable sincerity as he speaks. He moves closer to Reggie, inches away. “But that’s usually an everyday kind of thing. Nothing new.” 

He breezes past Reggie and grabs the door handle, pulling it and holding it open for the bassist. Reggie’s cheeks flush pink but deciding to push away his initial shock, he follows Luke’s steps, passing by the boy as he walks through the door and tries to avoid his unfaltering gaze as he did. Reggie had feared he’d be a flustered mess for the rest of the night but upon sitting down and ordering dinner with people he loved dearly, he was immediately disarmed. Even Luke had dialled down the teasing, long enough to engage in conversation with Julie about music and exchange jokes with Willie. Reggie had sat beside him watching with an enamored smile on his lips that he was sure Alex noticed from his place across the table. It was like he was teasing himself, so close to touch yet unable to just reach out, instead he kept himself occupied by playing with the neck of his wine glass. 

“Okay but what about Alex freaking out about us meeting Willie for the first time? He made Reggie pinky promise to not mention any embarrassing stories.” Julie laughed as the group had divulged into nostalgic anecdotes about each other. Ray and Elaine paid no mind at the head of the table where they chatted among themselves as they all awaited the arrival of dessert. 

“Pinky promises are held in high regard in our friendship, thank you very much.” Alex laughed, his cheeks betraying his casual demeanor as they began to blush crimson. Willie chuckled beside him, his arm coming to wrap around the back of Alex’s chair. Reggie smiled to himself before his eyes moved over the pair to where couples were beginning to dance on a small dance floor between the tables and the bar. Reggie watched the loving embraces shared between couples as they breezed across the floor. Forcing his gaze away, Reggie glanced at Luke to see he had followed Reggie’s attention to the dancefloor before he looked back to Reggie and smiled sheepishly at him upon realising he had been caught. 

“Alex is just too cute. He got so worked up.” Reggie could hear Julie to his side still engaged in conversation with the boys but his attention was elsewhere as he found it difficult to force his eyes away from Luke’s that held him captive. His attention was pulled away from him however as Julie spoke up again. “He’s not as bad as Reggie, remember?” 

“Oh my God, yes! Remember Bus Boy?” Flynn agreed, her own excited tone as reminiscent as Julie’s. Reggie whipped around in his chair to face the two girls, his eyes wide and begging to not start this conversation. Of course Luke had known he had remembered him from that day at the bus stop but he really didn’t need to know that Reggie had been so enamored with him that he had essentially assembled his friend’s into a taskforce to find him for a year after. Flynn met his gaze but seemed to miss his pleading look. “And we never found him even though we said we’d help you.”

“That’s fine. It’s not important anymore. We can all just forget about it.” Reggied laughed, uneasy, hoping that they could all breeze past this part of their conversation. Where Reggie had told Alex that Luke was indeed his ‘bus boy’, they had never made it general knowledge among the group. Mainly because the days following the truth reveal and subsequent fight, neither Alex nor Reggie were in the mindset to disclose all the details of the incident and over time the pair learned to treat it as something that didn’t garner significant conversation. Though Reggie hadn’t accounted for a night like this where Flynn and Julie were three drinks deep in sentimentally and would expose him right to Luke’s face among everyone else. 

“Who’s Bus Boy?” Willie questioned, an eyebrow raised as his eyes flickered between Reggie and the girls searching for the first person who would clue him in. Reggie met Alex’s gaze beside him who looked apologetic because they both knew that despite how hard they could try, there was no keeping Julie and Flynn from making a detailed recollection of Reggie’s fixation. From the side of his eye, he could see Luke lean further onto the table in interest, gazing past Reggie to the two girls. 

“Ooh. bus boy was this random guy busking at a bus stop that Reggie saw and in his words ‘shared a moment with’.” Flynn retells in between tipsy giggles and Reggie’s eyes fall to his twiddling fingers in his lap. He doesn’t care for the direct quotation. Where Flynn stops, Julie is quick to continue the story. 

“It was love at first sight and Reggie became immediately obsessed with the idea of finding him. And we had promised to help him find the bus boy. We literally tried to find this guy for a year or more and then Reggie stopped talking about him and we kinda just forgot.” Julie plants her hand on his shoulder as she finishes off her tale with a large sip of her wine and Reggie is beyond mortified that he refuses to raise his head. 

“I didn’t know you were that much of a romantic, Reg. What made you give up searching?” Reggie peaks up from where his head is down to meet Willie’s brown eyes after he asks. Reggie makes sure to keep his gaze glued to Alex and his boyfriend, afraid to even risk a glance in Luke’s direction. He has been quiet throughout the whole conversation but Reggie can feel his simmering gaze on him, making his skin crawl.

“I guess the romantic in me got a wake up call, made me realise how crazy I was. Can’t hold onto an idea forever, right?” His tone causes a moment of quiet among the previously rapturous group. In the moment that followed, he was glad to find the waiters bringing them dessert and thanked the cause for attention to be pulled elsewhere but him. His dish was placed in front of him and with a half-hearted ‘thank you’ to his server he was aware as ever that Luke’s gaze had still not left him. He wanted nothing more than to turn to him and witness his expression, to quench his curiosity but he was too afraid. 

“They weren’t talking about you.” Reggie whispered, his eyes not leaving the plate in front of him. He knew he wasn’t kidding anyone and maybe that’s why he did it, to break the awkward silence that befallen him and Luke in their little corner of the table. Luke had heard, sitting a bit further back in his chair but his gaze didn’t falter away. 

“Oh so you just become infatuated with random boys at bus stops and spend months trying to find them often, do you?” Reggie could hear the familiar teasing tone in Luke’s low voice and it made him less afraid, deciding to chance a look at the boy beside him. He found Luke watching him with an intense, focused gaze yet the mischievous grin on his lips made Reggie feel at ease with the idea that this new information hadn’t changed anything between them. 

“Oh yeah, it’s actually a hobby of mine.” Reggie jested back at him, feeling his whole body untense for the first time since Julie had brought up the conversation. Luke’s grin grew at his response, and he finally looked away to his own dessert and Reggie finally found the time to breathe. Reggie turned towards his own food when the gentle musical clink of a fork hitting a glass travelled through the table, instantly grabbing everyone’s attention. Ray sat at the top of the table with his glass raised, making an ‘up’ motion with his empty hand, inviting others to do the same. The group all grabbed their wine glasses raising them, mirroring Ray. Both Willie and Luke opting not to drink, raised their waters instead. 

“To our boys. We’ve watched you grow up, mature and become the men you are today and we couldn’t be happier to have experienced these years alongside you. We are incredibly proud of the people you have become, every single one of you.” Ray began, his eyes flitting from every face on the table before him, from the boys he watched grow up alongside Julie and Flynn to the newcomers who still wormed their way into his heart. “We are so proud of you and will continue to be there for you as you continue to grow and become adults. But we are especially proud of the boys not only putting in all this work to reach their dreams but for being an inspiration to us all. Go achieve your dreams, kids. We can’t wait to see you play and start this new chapter of your lives.” 

Ray’s eyes met Mrs. Mercer’s from where she sat beside him and they both shared a fond smile for the group before them, most of which they watched grow from wide eyed kids to gangly, awkward teenagers to the adults that sat before them. With a final, parting smile so full of love and adoration, Ray tilted his glass to the group. “To the next generation.” 

“To the next generation!” They all cheered in sync, raising their glasses further and clinking drinks before taking their own sips. Reggie met Ray’s gaze from across the table and sent the man a loving smile, silently thanking him for everything he had done for him throughout the years and knowing he would spend the rest of his life trying to repay him. Reggie sat back in his seat, his shoulders brushing up against something and he came to the realisation that Luke’s arm was laid over the back of his seat. Despite his initial shock, he welcomed the feeling, falling in further to the simple touch. As the gang all laughed and chatted, Reggie gazed around the group, around his family. Sure, he was a romantic. He emanated love wherever he went. Sometimes it was for the wrong people but sometimes, well, sometimes you gave love to the right people. Your forever people and these here with him now, these were his forever people. 

As the night grew longer, no one wanted to leave and ruin the atmosphere that had been created between the group that night. One of ease, of happiness, safety, love. So they all stayed, breaking apart into their own groups, talking about everything and nothing, just revelling in each other’s company. Ever since dinner, Reggie had been stuck on the idea of love. Familial love, platonic love, romantic love. That night he had been surrounded by all three and he was finding it harder and harder to hold the last one to himself. He sat at the table in his own silent, contemplating as his eyes rounded the table from where Alex and Julie were joking, to Flynn who was talking with Mrs. Mercer about college and finally to Ray and Luke who were excitedly discussing a Rolling Stones concert that Ray had gone to in his youth and Luke gazed up at the man with a sense of childlike wonder. 

Reggie latched his gaze onto Luke and like every time since the first time they saw each other, it remained there, never wanting to look at another person again. His heart brimmed with happiness and love at the sight of Luke, to see him happy and back to himself. He had let Reggie see him at his most broken, most vulnerable and even though they both weren’t proud of how they had acted that night, Reggie knew it had been a turning point for them. It was the night that Reggie had thought about Luke and his hurt and how he wanted more than anything else to just hold him through it, to hold him through whatever he would go through for the rest of his years. Reggie sighed, no, him and Luke could never be just friends, at least not to Reggie. But then there was Alex, he never wanted to betray Alex like that again. Alex joked and quipped about the two so casually that Reggie was confused where he stood. Making peace with the past was something different to accepting a future of them together. Reggie feared his love would forever be tainted with his betrayal and bad decisions of the past. He dragged his eyes away from the group at the table with him, opting to scan the restaurant that was still lively, with many parties taking to the dancefloor after dinner. Among the crowd he found Willie, leaning up against the bar with his gaze already on Reggie, studying him. He tilted his head in silent invitation for Reggie to join him and with a quick look to the rest of the group he made his way across the restaurant to meet Willie.  
“You okay, Reg? You seem in deep thought.” Willie asked only a few seconds after Reggie settled in beside him at the bar. Reggie met his quizzing eyes and wondered just for how long had Willie been observing him. 

Reggie shook his head not sure actually spilling the details of his inner monologue being the best action to make. “Oh, it’s nothing much. Just appreciating everyone.” He explained his half truth, a gentle smile on his lips as the pair both glanced back to the dinner table, taking in the joyous bunch. When Willie looks back at him, there’s a question in his eyes and Reggie waits for a second, wondering if the other boy will voice it.

“So was Luke the bus boy?” He asks quietly. Reggie didn’t know what he had been expecting but it hadn’t been that. He pauses for a quick moment before nodding slowly in answer.

“How’d you know?” Reggie asks and Willie shrugs his shoulders casually. 

“I’m very perceptive of these things.” Willie tells him, a teasing smile tugging at his lips and Reggie wonders that if Willie could easily tell couldn’t anyone else. ‘Really?’ He asks the long haired boy, eyes widening slightly.

“Nah, Alex told me after dinner.” He chuckles, his smile making it crinkle by his eyes. Even though Reggie sighs in response and nudges Willie’s arm playfully with his knuckles, he matches Willie’s laugh with his own. When Willie’s laughter simmers down, he continues. “Besides even if I didn’t, the way you were looking at him over there is a dead giveaway, my dude.”

“Yeah after five years of this, I think I’ve just given up on subtly altogether.” Reggie chuckles at himself, begging his eyes to not seek out Luke in the crowd again. His natural response was to always seek out Luke. He looked for Luke in everything he did, a true constant in his life. If Luke wasn’t physically with him, he would search for him in everything around him, pieces of clothing on people, a song playing in a department store that reminded him of Luke, literally anytime he saw a busker. 

“It’s really been that long?” Willie questioned, tilting his head slightly as he observed Reggie. There wasn’t any shock in his voice nor judgement, just pure care and curiosity. Reggie nodded in answer, chuckling to himself at how mad it seemed even if Willie didn’t. “I don’t think you’ll ever not be a romantic, Reg.”

“My one curse.” Reggie laughed a tad sourly. He had truly been cursed to love people, to love them hard and with all of him, even those who didn’t give a shred of it back. He had never minded too much before that he gave more than he got but as he got older and possibly lonelier, he just wanted someone who matched his love and adoration. 

“Why haven’t you and Luke given it a go these days?” Reggie paused at the question. It was something he thought about constantly. Everytime he and Luke fell asleep on the phone together, everytime they wrote songs together and ended up just lying on the floor talking, or everytime they shared a microphone and Reggie could feel his heart beating wildly in sync with his bass. It all ended with the same question, why don’t we give this a try? But the answer always follows close behind and it usually comes in one of two variations each time. The first being that their history has been so messy and it had been so long since they admitted anything close to romantic feelings that Reggie fears that Luke doesn’t harbour the same feelings anymore and if Reggie was to take the leap that he would fall flat on his ass. The second being-

“Alex.” Willie answered for him as he watched Reggie’s mind twisting and turning at his question. Even though it was a guess on Willie’s part, the word came out more sure. 

“Yeah.” Reggie nodded. “It would feel like I’m betraying him all over again. Just messing up everything we’ve fixed this past year.” Reggie began fiddling with the button on the cuff of his shirt as he spoke, twiddling it between his fingers and Willie found his eyes flickering down to the action.

“Have you talked to Alex about it?” Willie questioned, tapping Reggie’s hand with two fingers once he realised Reggie was getting a bit too inside his own head. Reggie broke out of his fixation on his shirt button and returned his gaze back to Willie while he shook his head, no. 

Willie nodded in understanding, taking in a slow breath before he spoke again. “You know, when I first started hanging out with Alex once we got back from Christmas break I noticed something about him. How every time we got close or seemed to be making progress, he would pull himself ten steps back. It was like he realised we were getting close and he’d put this barrier up again as if he was afraid of letting anyone get in.” 

Reggie stayed silent letting his eyes stay on Willie’s. Alex had never revealed too many details of how he overcame the hurt Reggie had caused him in those months they had been away from one another. Willie carried on. “Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying this to put blame on anyone or make you feel bad. I’m saying that Alex seemed so closed off after he had found out about you and Luke but that was also a while ago now. I’ve seen in the past few months how Alex has changed, he’s more at ease, he’s happier, he’s trusting, to not just me but everyone. I think you should give Alex a bit more credit.” 

“You think that he wouldn’t mind?” Reggie asked, trying to put together what Willie was saying to him. But Willie just laughed, shaking his head and for a moment Reggie was perplexed. “So that’s not what you’re saying?”

“I don’t speak for Alex.” Willie stated, his voice emphasising this point. “Alex can speak well enough for himself so I’m not getting involved in that. What I’m saying to you is that if you want to know where you stand with him, that you need to talk to him directly. Lay all the cards on the table.” 

From the side of his eye, Reggie caught sight of blonde hair moving through the restaurant as he spotted the man they were talking about heading for the restrooms. Reggie brought his attention back to Willie. “Yeah, I need to talk to him.”

Willie nodded, a small smile tugging at the side of his mouth. “Before you can tackle the Luke situation, talking to Alex seems to be the best way to go. Don’t be worried, Reg. He’s your best friend.” 

“Thanks, Will.” Reggie couldn’t help himself, he leaned over his chair taking in the other boy in a quick yet tight hug. For a moment, Willie seemed startled before he chuckled and wrapped a sturdy arm around Reggie, giving him a pat on the back as they broke away.

“Anytime, dude.” Willie told him, giving him a quick nod before Reggie hopped off the bar stool and made the rapid, in the moment decision to follow Alex to the bathroom. It was as good a time as any to talk to him, so he brushed past dancing couples and tables, slipping away into the dimly lit hallway to the bathrooms. Bursting the door to the men’s room, Reggie immediately found Alex, the only person in the whole room. He let the door swing shut behind him before he marched over to Alex who was using the urinals. 

“Lex, man, I need to talk to you.” Reggie rushed out, his urgency coming out through his tone and Alex looked away from the wall before him to meet Reggie’s gaze with his own dismayed one. 

“Reg, what the hell? I’m a little busy.” He almost screeched upon realising how close his friend was to him during the intimate moment. Reggie didn’t seem to catch the hint with his head already whirling with their imminent conversation. 

“Well then hurry up, this is important, dude.” Reggie urged, refusing to move and Alex’s eyes widened at how socially and spatially unaware his best friend is. When Alex sent him another look of wide eyes that were silently telling him to back off, Reggie only shook his head and raised his hands in question. Alex groaned, letting his head fall back in exasperation.

“Reg, buddy, can you give me some space? Cause I can’t do it with you this close just watching me.” Alex begged, his pleading eyes meeting Reggie’s, whose only now shun with realisation. Reggie immediately backed away, moving towards the sinks as Alex finished up. 

“So what was it that was so important?” Alex questioned, moving over to wash his hands beside Reggie. Just as Reggie turned towards Alex to confide in his friend, the door to one of the cubicles had opened and an older gentleman walked over to the sinks beside the two younger boys. Reggie lost his voice as he sent the older man an awkward smile and one of Alex’s eyebrows skyrocketed in question. Once the other man had left, Reggie wanted more privacy than was available in the empty public bathroom. Regardless, Reggie grabbed Alex’s hand pulling him into another empty cubicle all while Alex questioned him as he did so. 

“This is a very important, private conversation and I don't want to talk it out in the open in front of the urinals out there.” Reggie hissed as he locked the stall behind them. He twirled around to face Alex who was watching him with a perplexed gaze. His blonde friend’s eyes moved away from Reggie to his left where the closed toilet sat. 

“And this is better how?” Alex asked, confusion mixed with a tad of repulsion decorating his face. Reggie grabbed his friend’s arms tightly, bringing the taller boy’s attention back down to him. 

“Alex, seriously, this is important?” Reggie breathed and finally Alex seemed to listen, muttering a ‘sorry’ before becoming quiet awaiting his friend to begin talking. Reggie let go of his friend, raising himself on his tippy toes to peek over the top of the cubicle door to make sure no one was listening before he returned to Alex, whispering. “Okay. I’m in love with Luke.” 

Alex furrowed his eyebrows as his eyes searched Reggie’s face to see if there was more to it than that. “Is that it? Because I’ve known this for quite a long time now, Reg.”

“Yeah but I’ve always been too afraid to act on it.” Reggie explained, his fingers beginning to twiddle again, something he constantly found himself doing when facing these topics that made him itch with awkwardness and worry. 

Alex nodded in understanding, speaking softly. “And you want to act on it?” Reggie nodded, barely meeting his eyes.

“I was afraid. I don’t want to mess anything up between us, Alex, okay?” Alex reached out his hand for Reggie to take and the boy accepted easily, starting to play with his friends fingers instead of his own. “So if you’re not okay with it, just say the word and I’ll never think about him again?” 

Alex stayed quiet for a moment. A moment in which Reggie began to panic in the silence. “Well I don’t know if I can stop thinking about him, most days he’s nearly all I think about but I’ll stop being around him, I’ll just switch off my feelings-”

“Whoa, whoa, Reg. I’d never ask you to do any of that. I know where you’re coming from okay. I was hurt for a while, it sucked but time heals all wounds, right? I’m okay but thank you for thinking of me.” Alex pulled his friend into a tight hug, leaning his head atop of Reggie’s as the smaller boy wrapped his arms around his friend's waist, clinging on for dear life. “I love you Reg and I love Luke too, you’re both a part of me, you’re my friends. I see the way you guys look at each other and we joke cause it’s disgusting but it’s cute too.”

Reggie broke his head away from Alex’s chest, pushing back slightly to gaze at his friend. “Really?”

Alex nodded with a fond smile on his lips. “I love you both and I want to see you both happy and everyone can see that you two make each other happy and I never want to stand in the way of that.” 

The pair break a part but Alex’s hand travelled it’s way back into Reggie’s palm, intertwining their fingers. Reggie bit his lips for a moment. “Thank you, Lex. I’m ..I’m just afraid.” 

“Afraid of Luke?” Alex quizzed, tilting his head down to catch a glimpse of Reggie’s expression. Reggie nodded in answer, raising his head to meet Alex’s curious gaze. “Why? Luke’s like a puppy.”

Reggie had to try to stifle a laugh at that one. “I’m just afraid in case he doesn’t feel the same.” Alex grabbed Reggie’s other hand, holding them both tightly in his own. The gravity of his touch registered as Reggie kept his gaze.

“He feels the same, Reg. Trust me, he does.” The weight of his words hit Reggie. Alex’s gaze was telling, watching Reggie intensely, telling the boy that he knew something that Reggie didn’t. Reggie was still too much in his head, thinking of all the reasons it wouldn’t work that he didn’t press Alex’s insinuation further. 

“But what if we get together and it’s not at all what we thought and it falls apart horribly and then we have to remain friends and in the same band the whole time. Okay, Luke’s a songwriter and what if he writes these kick ass break up songs and then I just have to play them when they’re about me.” The realisation hits Reggie and his eyes blow up, wide. “Oh My God, he’s going to Stevie Nicks me!”

Alex shook his head, trying to keep up with Reggie’s rant. “Reg, what are you talking about? You’re being crazy.” 

It was too late, Reggie’s brain had latched onto an idea and it was rolling with it. “No, Alex, you don't get it. Everyone loves ‘The Chain’. Oh no, I’m gonna be Lindsey Buckingham in this situation. I’m gonna be the Lindsey, Alex!”

“Reggie, you’re losing it.” Alex placed his hands sturdy on Reggie’s shoulders trying to calm him, ground him and bring him out of his head and back to Alex. “And I hate to break it to you but Luke has already written countless songs about you, Reg.” 

Reggie ignores the ‘he has?’ that lingers on the top of his tongue in response to Alex’s statement, instead settling on his mind that is still rambling on. “But he hasn’t written a kick ass break up song like ‘The Chain’ or ‘Potential Breakup Song’ yet.” 

Alex blinks at his words taking a moment of pause. “I never thought I’d hear Fleetwood Mac and Aly and AJ being held in the same regard but okay.” 

Before Reggie has a chance to continue his mad man rambling, Alex is cupping his face in his hands making sure all the boy’s attention is on him. “Reggie, listen, you’re making up reasons it could go wrong when there’s so many real reasons it will go right. You care about Luke and he cares about you. You miss one hundred percent of the chances you don’t take. Do you really want to spend the rest of your life wondering what if?” 

“You’re right.” Reggie breathed, his eyes wide and fixated on Alex’s. Alex chuckled at his friend’s dazed face. Reggie began to mirror his laugh as they broke a part and the two boys missed the sound of the restroom door opening until they heard another familiar voice. 

“Alex? Reggie?” The two boys shared a look in their joint cubicle after hearing Luke’s voice. With their eyes wide, Alex nodded towards the cubicle lock, silently telling Reggie that they should leave. Reggie gently slid the lock open slinking out with Alex close behind them, their gazes meeting Luke’s curious one who watched them with a confused smile on his lips. “What were you guys doing?” 

Reggie and Alex gaped at each other, neither having planned a credible reason for why they were sharing a bathroom stall. Reggie began to ‘ahhh’ as Alex began to ‘umm’ beside him, trying their best to manifest a believable excuse. Eventually they came up dry and Reggie decided to wing it, beginning, “Alex was just showing me-”

“Don’t even dare finish that sentence. Whatever you’re thinking, just don’t.” Alex warned Reggie, making the smaller boy pause where he spoke. Alex met Luke’s amused expression, deciding a version of the truth was the safest option for the pair. “We just needed to talk about something in private. And to Reg, privacy is a restroom stall.”

Luke raised his hands up in surrender. “Don’t worry guys, I just wanted to come see where you guys went off too.” 

“Well, you found us.” Reggie giggled awkwardly, “Let’s just join the others.” 

The two other Sunset Curve boys agreed, following behind Reggie and back into the dining room. Despite it closing in on late night hours, the restaurant was as busy and lively as ever. Most parties have finished their meals and opted for drinks and dancing the night away. The trio made their way back to the table, where immediately Willie hopped to his feet, grabbing Alex’s hand.

“You’re back. Good talk?” He asked, raising his eyebrows suggestively at both Reggie and Alex. Reggie nodded, laughing as Alex almost face planted at his boyfriend’s unsubtly. “Want to dance?” Willie questioned, avoiding the reactions to him, maintaining his beaming smile throughout. Alex nodded ecstatically, tearing away towards the dance floor with Willie in his wake. Reggie set himself down on one of the empty chairs at their table, while Luke stood before him awkwardly, hovering as he was debating something. 

“Hey, guys, I’m getting myself and Flynn another drink. Do you guys want anything?” Julie offered, sliding into the chair beside Reggie with a wide grin on her lips and hair wild from where she and Flynn had been manically head banging to the music on the dance floor. 

“No, thanks, J.” Reggie sent the girl a kind smile, patting her on the knee before she shot up again. She met Luke’s gaze awaiting his answer too before she could sprint off towards the bar. 

“No thanks, Julie. I don't drink anymore.” Luke explained sheepishly. Julie nodded in understanding, sending the boys a beaming Molina smile before heading off towards the bar. Reggie watched her leave, thinking for the first time that he couldn’t believe he had missed that on many occasions in the past few months that when alcohol had been present, Luke had opted out of drinking. Reggie met Luke’s eyes, about to ask when Luke outstretched an inviting hand to Reggie. 

“Dance with me?” Luke asked, a shy smile lingering on his lips and his eyes beaming with fondness as he gazed down at Reggie. Reggie stayed silent for a moment. “Please?”

Reggie couldn’t help the smile that tugged at his own lips in response but he stayed put for a moment longer, remembering Luke’s very certain words a few years ago at the Winter fair. “I thought you said you don’t dance?”

Luke’s smile transitioned from a timid smile into a full blown grin, as he shrugged his shoulders cutely. Reggie wondered how he managed to look bashful yet roguish all at once. “Actually I said I don’t dance, only when it counts.” 

Reggie beamed at him, unable to contain the grin twisting at his lips. Luke knew he had impressed because his grin grew widely, the sides of his eyes crinkling. The fingers of his outstretched hand began to wiggle, begging Reggie for his touch. With a small chuckle leaving his lips, Reggie reached out and bridged the gap between them, his hand slinking smoothly into Luke’s as he said. “Such a charmer, Patterson.” 

Luke shot him a playful grin, pleased with himself as he pulled Reggie up from his chair and began leading the boy towards the dancefloor. Reggie held onto his hand firmly, basking in the feeling. He never wanted to let go. As they reached the floor among the other dancing couples, Luke turned to Reggie with a curious gaze before he nodded to their right. “What are they doing?” 

Reggie followed his gaze, his eyes finding Alex and Willie who were dancing a few couples away. The pair had decided on an unique way of dancing to the slow song that flooded through speakers. The pair were currently doing a slow motion version of the macarena and Reggie couldn’t help but giggle at the pair. Reggie had witnessed a way of dancing that was completely their own numerous times but never delved into questions of its origins. Instead, he let it be theirs. Reggie twisted back to Luke with an aloof shrug of his shoulders. “That’s just something they do.”  
Luke nodded, deciding not to press the topic. Instead he began reaching out for Reggie again just as the song transitioned into another and Reggie recognised the first faint notes of Fleetwood Mac’s ‘Songbird’. Reggie bent his head sending a secretive smile to the floor, thinking of his own Fleetwood Mac rant minutes ago and wondered if it was a sign. Luke’s arms looped around Reggie’s small waist and Reggie raised his own to wrap around Luke’s neck. 

“So you stopped drinking?” Reggie asked, after a moment of silence between the two. His voice was small but in his close proximity to Luke, the other boy heard easily. Luke didn’t move, his hazel eyes meeting Reggie’s questioning ones.

“Yeah, I haven’t in awhile. I stopped after-” He paused to swallow and Reggie held his gaze, letting him know it was okay to talk about. “I stopped after that night. I was really low then and I never wanted to feel like that again. I never wanted to treat you like that again.” 

Reggie sent him a small smile, his forehead falling to lean against Luke’s shoulder as he breathed out. “It’s okay, Luke.” 

Their bodies swayed lightly, soaking in each other’s embrace, losing themselves in one another's touch. It wasn’t about the dancing, it was about the intimate act of holding another body against his own moving as if one. Luke rested his head against Reggie’s, the pair almost cheek to cheek as a small, delicate laugh slipped from between his lips. “This is a funny little relationship you and I have.” 

Reggie’s cheeks flushed crimson and he had to will himself to keep his head against Luke’s chest in fear he would see the heat pooling against the skin of his cheeks. Hidden in the warmth of Luke’s embrace he let a grin overtake his face. He wanted to burrow himself in his caress and live there in the security of Luke’s arms for the rest of his days. So he couldn’t hold himself back as he whispered. “I like what we have. I like it here. I don’t want to leave.”

His words were muffled against the soft fabric of Luke’s shirt and he wasn’t sure if he wanted his words to linger there unheard or if he was speaking them gently into Luke’s heart. A silent promise that he belonged to it if it wanted him. His breath trickled through the gap in Luke’s shirt, whispering against his collarbones and the boy shivered. In response to his murmured words against his chest, Luke tightened his arms around Reggie’s waist, his hand pressed into his lower back as he pulled Reggie’s body closer to his own. Luke’s head leaned against Reggie’s shoulder, his face pressed into his neck, inches away from contact but Reggie could still feel his hot breath against his skin and it was his turn to shiver. And for a moment as they swayed gently, barely moving, it was just them. The piano and strings of the song floating in the air around them, surrounding them. 

Reggie’s whole body tightened as the air around them got thicker, Luke’s warm breath dancing along his neck, lips brushing against the skin ghostly as he sang along to the familiar song. “Cause I feel that when I’m with you, it’s alright. I know it’s right.” 

His voice was a delicate whisper and Reggie wondered if the sentiment was more for himself than it was his dance partner. His words trailed along his skin, taut as Reggie swallowed hard. They were leaning on one another, body’s flushed against each other, caved in, nothing more important than them and the feeling washing over them. In the habitat of their own that they created between their bodies, a place of solitude, of security where they were free to embrace everything they were afraid to say, their own personal confessional. As Luke sang along his voice began to slow, almost speaking right into Reggie. “And the songbirds are singing like they know the score. And I love you, I love you, I love you like never before.” 

Reggie audibly let a low gasp fall from his lips unintentionally and he bit his lip to keep himself contained. His hand grabbed desperately at the back of Luke’s collared shirt, gripping the material with a vice like clutch, never wanting to let go. His other hand slid from Luke’s shoulders into his brown locks, his fingers gently combing through the soft tendrils in a bid to keep Luke against him, his head nuzzled against Reggie’s neck. He couldn’t remember how long they had stayed like that through songs slow and fast, drowning in one another. But eventually the night had to end and the spell between them broken, reality seeping through their euphoria. Their separation had been inevitable and Reggie tried his hardest not to mourn the feeling as they broke apart and if he dreamt of the feeling of a loving body against his in gentle synchronization every night after, he would never tell. 

❄

Reggie had become a flustered, muttering mess around Luke since. He blushed at the smallest look and felt his heart ready to clamber its way up his throat and out his mouth when they were within inches of one another. Reggie knew ever since his talk with Alex and subsequent dance with Luke had been enough to lift the barrier that he had securely laid down in front of his feelings, keeping them submerged within himself. Now without that to keep his emotions and feelings in check, he was finding it harder to force down the fluttering in his heart at every little interaction and thought of Luke. He knew Alex was getting exasperated at their practices because of it. Luke’s and Reggie’s pining looks had been amped up to eleven and he was beginning to lose his strength to keep his mouth shut and let them figure it out for themselves. Because underneath their lingering looks, their adoring smiles and searing attraction to one another, they were just two scared boys trying to not mess up everything for themselves. Alex had told him as much as he reported his analysis of the pair that Christmas Eve, as Reggie, Willie and Alex had baked Christmas cookies together. He knew Alex would never get involved but the blonde boy’s patience was growing thin. 

Reggie had spent the rest of the evening with Luke on his mind and as his awake brain travelled into the subconscious of sleep Luke remained there. His arms taut and wrapped around him again, his lips brushing against his skin and his hands dancing along his skin. He let out a deep breath, breaking away from sleep momentarily only to feel the cool, emptiness of his room around him and almost wept at the realisation his mind was working overtime again. He tossed in his bed in a huff, banging his head against his pillow in annoyance. Before he could turn over and attempt to sleep again, a soft rapping came from the window at the end of his bed and he froze, making out the shape of a hunched down figure behind his thin curtains. His gaze whipped to the alarm clock on his bedside desk, the blazing red numbers of ‘1:43am’ staring back at him and he jumped out of bed. Beside his desk he pulled his bass out of it’s stand, placing it gently against the wall and grasping the stand tightly in his hands as the rapping began again. Holding the metal stand between his sweaty palms, ready to strike if the circumstances called for it, Reggie outstretched a shaking hand, quickly whipping away the curtain back to face his perpetrator only for his eyes to fall on a stupidly grinning Luke. 

Reggie immediately dropped his defense, placing the stand on the ground beside him. He let out a tired sigh as his body untensed, he should have known better, no intruder was going to be as polite as to knock on his window to gain entry. Ambling over to the window sill, he leans across to unlatch the window, pulling it up for Luke. Immediately the cold December weather seeps in and sends chills through his bones. Luke sits on the cold, metal fire escape unphased burrowed in his wool flannel and grey beanie. “Luke, what the hell man? I thought you were a criminal or something.” 

Luke’s cheeks were painted pink from the cold and he snuffled as he hugged himself tighter in the nighttime breeze. Despite the cold that was running through his body, his eyes were blazing with a vivacious light that covered Reggie in a warm embrace. Luke laughed, throwing his head back in the act. “A criminal? Reg, seriously?” 

“Yes! I thought you were a criminal from, you know, the statistics.” Reggie fumbled, feeling suddenly sheepish as Luke watched him with an amused grin on his chapped lips. They sat watching each other, both bathed in moonlight. When Luke shook his head in amusement at Reggie, he folded his arms over his chest. “Luke, it’s nearly two in the morning. I think I’m allowed to be cautious at who’s tapping on my window.” 

Luke held his hands up in front of his chest in defense, trying to hold together his laughter as he did. “Hey, I texted you, telling you I was coming.” 

“Yeah, well I was sleeping.” Reggie declared making sure to bring down his voice an octave, more hyper aware of the time and the fact that Willie and Alex were trying to sleep, like normal people did at this hour. Not Luke Patterson though. Luke only rolled his eyes at Reggie, that cheeky grin never fading. 

“Come on Reginald, where’s your sense of whimsical adventure?” Luke teased, leaning further into the window to enter and Reggie immediately backed away a few steps to give him room. 

“It goes to bed at eleven o’clock like me.” Reggie muttered but Luke heard and only laughed in response, as he tumbled further into the room. As he found his footing and stood up straight, now only a step away from Reggie. 

“Hey, Reg.” He whispered as if he was about to tell him a secret. His smile had shrunk but only slightly as he gazed at the brunette boy with tousled hair as he watched him expectantly. “It’s Christmas.” 

Reggie rolled his eyes at the Patterson boy but a fond smile took over his lips. Luke gazed at him like a kid, eyes shimmering with unbridled excitement and joy. “Is that what you came over to tell me, Luke?” 

“Oh no, actually I wanted to give you your present before Christmas.” He explained and Reggie tried to ignore the flitter his heart did in his chest. He moved around Luke to distract himself as the other boy talked, pulling back down the window and keeping the cold out. “Some hot shot producers booked out the place for a Christmas party and I had to stick around a bit longer to help Caleb. Sorry, I’m so late. It was hell.”

Reggie settled himself down on his bed, switching on the dimly lit lamp at his bedside table. It bathed the boys in yellow light but under it, Luke looked golden. Luke shrugged the backpack off his shoulders as Reggie watched him, not missing Luke’s smile that he was trying to force down. “Don’t lie, you loved it.” 

Luke dropped his bag on the floor, settling down beside Reggie on his bed. He met Reggie’s gaze and his face told all. “Yeah, you’re right. It was awesome. But really, I’m sorry for coming so late.” 

Reggie’s fingers fiddled with his bed covers, keeping his hands busy incase they decided to be brave and reach out for Luke. He gazed up from the sheets to find Luke’s own eyes on his fidgeting hands. “It’s okay, I’m happy you’re here.” 

Luke looked up from Reggie’s hands to meet his sincere green eyes and burst into another bright smile, one he tried to hide by tucking his chin into his chest. Reggie hopped off the bed, the sudden movement breaking Luke out of his own daze, as his eyes followed him across the floor. Opening up his closet, Reggie began digging to where he had hidden Luke’s presents, one that he had been holding onto for a few years too long. 

“You said something about presents.” He grinned turning back to Luke with the wrapped objects in his hands. Immediately, Luke beamed before he bent down to open his own bag and retrieve Reggie’s presents. Reggie made his way back over to the bed, crossing his legs and holding the wrapped objects close to him. When Luke had his own gifts nestled between his hands he mirrored Reggie’s position, sitting before him. 

“You first.” Reggie instructed as they both exchanged the gifts. He could see the way Luke was vibrating with excitement and didn’t know how much longer the boy could take before he ripped his way through the paper. Luke started with the smaller present first, tearing the paper off to reveal a small black leather box in his hand. 

Luke raised an eyebrow in question, his gaze seeking out Reggie’s. “You proposing to me, Reg?” 

“No, but it is a gift we can share.” Reggie explained, ignoring Luke’s teasing, flirtatious smirk. Luke looked more perplexed at his hint. With a force much gentler than before, he slowly opened the small box, inside finding a guitar pick, marble blue and glinting back at him was the engraved ‘L.P. As he pulled the guitar pick out of the box, a long silver chain dangled from it and Luke looked back to Reggie who was staring at him intently.

“I saw these cool guitar picks at the shop so I decided to get them engraved and made them into necklaces so we could all have one.” Reggie leaned over to his bedside table, pulling open the drawer to retrieve his similar pick with the same silver chain except his was blood red with a ‘R.P’ written in script against it. “Alex’s is pink with his initials too. I’m giving it to him tomorrow. Thought we could wear them to the show on New Year's Eve, like good luck charms.”

Reggie finally drew his eyes back to Luke who was watching him with an awestruck smile on his lips, his mouth slightly parted. He pulled his own necklace over his head as Reggie watched and then decided to mirror his actions, pulling his own on. “This is a great idea, Reg. I love them, Alex will too.” 

At Reggie’s insistence, Luke began opening his second present. He was slower this time, as he tore the layers away and Reggie inhaled deeply as he did. This journal that had laid untouched but not forgotten on his bookshelf for months on end was finally in the hands it was always destined for. Finally Luke pulled the black leather bound journal from the paper, soft against his calloused fingertips. Reggie watched his eyes appreciatively rake up and down the book before his eyes lingered on the golden initials. In his mind, Reggie laughed at himself, he did have a thing for engraving and personalising objects. Luke finally met his gaze again and Reggie could see his eyes shine with appreciation and adoration, holding the book to his chest as if cherishing it. 

“Can’t have too many song books, right?” Reggie jokes, his voice barely above a whisper under Luke’s unwavering gaze. Luke moved it away from chest again, his eyes falling back to the book as he let the soft pages flutter between his fingers until he came to the inside of the front cover, noticing Reggie’s familiar penmanship. 

‘Write about us.’ 

Luke let a soft giggle flood his lips as he reads over the words, his gaze staying fixated for a moment before he lets the book slowly close. Reggie had decided not to differentiate who ‘us’ was, if it be the gang as a whole or an inside secret between the pair, he left it up to Luke. Meeting Reggie’s eyes for a quick moment, Luke wraps his arm around Reggie’s shoulders in a swift hug. Murmuring into his shoulder, before letting go. “Of course, I’ll write about us.” 

Luke continues to hold the songbook closely to himself as he nods to Reggie’s gifts that had been forgotten about in his lap. “Your turn, now.” 

Reggie looked down to the two small gifts in his lap, first a small square wrapped gift and on top of it a flimsy blank white envelope. Curious, Reggie picks up the envelope first as Luke watches him with an intense stare. Inside the blank envelope is a thin piece of paper with ‘Tom’s’, the name of a local music shop printed across the top. It’s a receipt and Reggie’s eyes widen in assumption as he gazes up at Luke for confirmation, Luke only looks mildly sheepish with his wide grin intact. 

“So you remember that Fender you’ve been eyeing up for months…” Luke begins and Reggie begins shaking his head frantically. 

“No, say you didn’t.” Reggie had been saving up for months for the Fender bass guitar of his dreams but when the boys had decided to move, his money was used on rent and his dream was put on hold. “Luke that guitar was expensive.” 

“Reggie, I wanted to. I saved a lot of my tips from The Orpheum. With the tips I made tonight I already made back more than half the cost. Please Reg, I wanted to do this for you. And now it’s bought and waiting in the store for you to pick it up and give it a good loving home, so there’s not much you can do now.” Reggie gapes at him, the receipt still clutched between his fingers as he laughs, incredulous. 

“You’re insane.” Reggie murmurs still in shock but he lets an amazed smile overtake his face nonetheless. “But thank you so much. I can’t believe you did that. I can’t take-” 

Before he can continue, Luke’s hand is snaking around the back of his neck grabbing his attention as Luke leaned their foreheads together, gazes unfaltering. “Reg, I would literally do anything for you. This is yours so stop overthinking and accept the gift.”

“Thank you.” Reggie breathes, his eyes closing for a moment but Luke still lingers. After a few seconds, Luke backs away and his hand falls from Reggie’s neck making him immediately miss the touch of warmth that emanated from it. 

Luke is quick to grasp his attention. “Now the next one. I promise this one is less extravagant.” 

Reggie is taken back into the moment, opening his eyes and immediately finding the second gift on his lap. The fact that Luke even got him a second present already seems like too much. He picks the light gift up, slowly tearing away the glossy wrapping paper and he pauses upon seeing the gift. It’s a CD case but not like the ones he’d pick up in the record shop. No, this one was hand painted with swirls of colours and music notes with a ‘For Reggie’ in black script staring back at him. He could feel Luke almost vibrating with anxiousness from beside him, for excitement or nervousness he wasn’t sure. He flipped the case over finding a tracklist on the back of the case, all handwritten and Reggie finally looked back to Luke, searching his eyes. 

“You made me a mixtape?” Reggie questioned even though the evidence was laid bare before him. Luke smiled bashfully, nodding in confirmation. 

“Julie helped and painted it for me.” He looks simultaneously shy and proud of himself all at once and Reggie’s heart swells with the sentiment of the object in his hand. “If you’re not a CD guy, I...I made a playlist too that I’ll send you the link to.” 

Luke stumbles over his words, suddenly unsure in Reggie’s silence but Reggie keeps the case clutched tightly in his hands, his new favourite possession. “Can I play it now?” 

Luke looks stunned for a moment before nodding slowly. Reggie hops off the bed to the CD player mounted on his wall above his desk and he can hear the rustling of Luke clearing up all the wrapping paper from the bed. Reggie pops the case open, cautiously taking the priceless item out of the case with care. Once he turns on the player, and presses the CD into the middle of the device as it begins to spin to life and Reggie turns back to Luke. Luke had rid himself of his shoes, beanie and flannel, now lying back on Reggie’s bed in only his usual sleeveless shirt and jeans awaiting Reggie’s return. 

“Please make yourself comfortable.” Reggie jokes, joining him, lying down on the bed beside him. Luke tilts his head to give him an abashed smile but Reggie pays him no mind. They both lie there staring at the ceiling as the first chords of the first song Luke had chosen began to filter through the room, once again at a lower volume to not wake his housemates. As the notes danced through the air to where the pair lay, he couldn’t help but laugh hearing the familiar chords of ‘Vienna’ by Billy Joel. He instantly thought back to the night he lay alone in bed before Luke had messaged him asking what his favourite Billy Joel song was, to which he replied ‘Vienna’ without a moment of hesitation. Luke had remembered. 

Reggie let his eyes slip closed, listening to the music wash over them but beside him he could feel Luke tense silently. He wondered what was running through his head, but he didn’t have to wonder for long as Luke began to speak. “I think we should probably get back to practicing on Monday before the gig. You know Alex is a bit late on the second vers-”

“Luke.” Reggie interrupted, making the Patterson boy silence himself. Reggie’s eyes opened again, turning to his side to face Luke, the other boy mirroring his movements and meeting Reggie’s gaze with his own. “You need to learn to unwind and take it easy, okay? You’re always thinking about the future and what comes next and that’s not a bad thing but sometimes you just need to be present.” 

Luke blinked, registering his words and he nodded slowly, his cheek rubbing against the soft navy blue pillow case that smelled like Reggie. But Reggie wasn’t quite finished yet, “Because life is now.” 

“Am I always like that?” Luke questioned, digging his hand underneath the pillow and his head. “Always talking about the future? About something more?” 

Reggie stayed silent but nodded, his fingers itching to reach out and caress Luke’s tense jaw. “It’s not a bad thing but if you’re so focused on the destination you miss the ride. I used to think my dad told me that when I was a kid but I’m not sure anymore. My memories of him are hazy. I’m not sure if they’re real or if I just made it up.”

Luke’s eyes fall to the middle of the bed between them where Reggie’s hand lays and he slowly reaches out as he absentmindedly says. “Do you ever think about how much of us is made up of other people?” 

Reggie knows exactly what he means, it’s something he thinks about constantly, wondering how much of himself is his own and how much is a by-product of someone else. While the thought used to scare him, it was something that he grew to understand, to find comfort in. Luke intertwines their fingers, their hands resting against the cool sheets as Reggie begins to think. “I play bass cause some kid at camp when I was eight let me play his. I make pasta a certain way cause it’s how Ray taught me. I can’t listen to Billy Joel without thinking of my mother. I was only brave enough to admit I was bisexual because I had Alex. I tie my shoes the way my dad taught me. I tried to write songs cause Julie inspired me. I can’t listen to Last Christmas without thinking of you. I..I am a mosaic of all the people who have ever touched my life.” 

Luke’s gaze shifts from their hands to Reggie as he speaks, finding Reggie unmoving as he talks, his eyes watching their connected hands with tears threatening to spill. He sniffles and pushes back the rogue tears with it. When he meets Luke’s gaze again, he can see the wheels turning as he thinks. “I play guitar the way Caleb taught me. I am stubborn like my mother. I eat eggo waffles with peanut butter and blueberries cause a kid dared me once and I ended up liking it. I want to play the Orpheum cause dad brought me there when I was younger and I fell in love with the place. I’ll always think of Alex when I think of my first relationship. I think so much about the future and what I can achieve because I want to prove to my parents I’m good enough. And you…” 

Luke lingered for a moment, pausing as his eyes sought out Reggie’s again. As Reggie asked, curious, “And me?”

“It’s not very poetic but it’s because of you that I realised I wasn’t straight. One look at you and I was gone.” Reggie giggled, and Luke smiled at ease again. But Reggie’s mind lingered on his comment about his parents and he couldn’t help but think how mad Luke would be, knowing Reggie had gone behind his back to talk to Emily. 

“I think you should play Unsaid Emily at the show.” Reggie whispered and he felt Luke’s hand still on his own. Instead Reggie remained rubbing his thumb against the back of Luke’s hand. 

“We already picked the songs.” Luke murmured yet Reggie took it as a good sign that he hadn’t shot down the idea immediately. 

“It’s an amazing song. It means something, it comes from your heart and you can feel it in every fibre of your being when you sing it. You’ve spent so long trying to prove yourself that prides stopped you from forgiving your parents. But this song says everything you’ve been wanting to. It’s up to you but I think it could be something amazing and it could help.” Reggie resists the urge to let his hand that’s not holding Luke’s to dance across Luke’s skin. Luke’s hazel eyes look glassy at Reggie’s words and he swallows thickly. 

“I’ll think about it.” His voice is small but it’s enough for Reggie as he mirrors Luke’s earlier movement and presses his forehead against Luke’s gently. He feels Luke’s hairs tickle his closed eyelids and he smiles, timid. Backing away a few inches, Luke’s eyes have closed too, their hands still enclosed and the gentle murmur of the music is still floating through their atmosphere. 

“Will you stay?” Reggie asks, cutting himself off before he can finish the question with ‘with me tonight?’ Reggie watches Luke nod, and despite the pair lying above the covers, Reggie is still enveloped in warmth. It emanates from Luke and covers his body like a cloak and the feeling is enough for Reggie to let his eyes flutter closed. Snuggling closer to Luke, they listen to each other's breathing and Reggie finds comfort in counting Luke’s breaths until they become shallow and even, knowing he’s drifted off to sleep. Reggie finally does the same and like many nights before he dreams of Luke. There’s a surrealty to it, with Luke holding him close in his dreams while the man of his affection lies mere inches away. So he continues to dream of gentle touches and loving caresses and in the early morning hours, when Reggie feels the phantom feeling of warm lips brushing against his forehead and the cold seep in where a body once lay beside him he tells himself it’s all in his head. 

❄

Reggie’s bones are alive with excitement, anxiousness and nervousness all at once. He feels like he wants to cheer wildly in joy and throw up simultaneously. True to his words, Luke had made the boys get back to practicing two days after Christmas and they had been committed everyday since. Reggie felt a flutter of hope in his heart every time Luke practiced Unsaid Emily. Reggie knew Luke was still scared and undecided but he hoped he’d find the bravery in him to share this song with everyone in the audience. And a big audience it was. The boys were on next with the current band on stage with less than ten minutes of their set left. Luke sat on the couch backstage, strumming quietly and mindlessly, trying not to pay too much attention to the fellow musicians playing that night. From his place, peeking out at the crowd from behind the curtain, Reggie could tell he was strumming the chords of Unsaid Emily and Reggie’s hope was growing. Alex was pacing back and forth, flipping his drumsticks in his hand and dropping them on more than one occasion. Reggie looked back out from his small opening between the curtains, trying to suss out Flynn in the crowd. He had messaged her minutes ago asking her to check the list to see if Emily and Mitch had showed up. Another minute passes before he receives a text in reply, a simple but effective thumbs up. Reggie felt his chest tighten, they actually had showed up. 

“What are you doing?” Alex whispered, all of a sudden right behind Reggie. So close he could feel his breath against the nape of his neck and Reggie jumped in response. Alex backed a step or two away and Reggie wondered if he should tell Alex the truth considering by the end of the night it would be exposed anyway. As he thought, Alex continued. “Don’t look at the crowd, you're just going to psych yourself out.”

“It’s not that.” Reggie grumbled and Alex furrowed his eyebrows in question. Reggie quickly glanced over Alex’s shoulder to Luke making sure he was still sitting at the couch, far away not to hear. “Okay, truth time.” 

He announced with a shamefaced expression and a small uncomfortable grin and Alex immediately widened his eyes becoming concerned. “Oh no, what did you do this time? Did you kiss Willie?” 

Reggie knows he deserves that and he knows Alex is joking but the boy still seems uneasy. “No, of course not.”

“Then what?” Alex pressed, his shoulders visibly tense and Reggie tried to shake him loose. His demeanor would be a dead giveaway to Luke that something was going on over here. 

“Okay so, remember when Luke kinda went missing a year ago, well I got in touch with his mom to just make sure he was okay and we’ve kept in contact and we’ve become friends-” Before he could continue to how these circumstances relate to tonight, Alex was cutting in.

“Wait, what is even going on? Are you saying you’ve moved on from Luke onto his mom or what?” Alex whispered shouted and Reggie instantly slapped his hand over Alex’s mouth, glancing once more to the still unfocused Luke.

“Will you just shut up for a minute, please. Okay, I’ve been keeping in contact with Emily letting her know how Luke is because his parents miss him but he’s too stubborn to make up with them even though it’s obvious he misses them too. So I saw Emily the other day and invited them to the show and they’re here right now and I’ve been trying to get Luke to sing the song he wrote for his mom because I just want everyone getting along and happy again. Okay.” Reggie let out, barely breathing throughout his explanation. He finally let his hand move away from Alex’s mouth, watching as the blonde’s eyes widened and eyebrows shot up. 

“Oh, and Luke has no clue about any of it.” Reggie finished, a sheepish smile on his face and Alex just stood in silence gaping at the boy for a few seconds. Slowly he raised an arm, placing a firm hand on Reggie’s shoulder and for a moment the shorter boy thought it was in comfort.

“Well, I can honestly say, you’re on your own with this one buddy.” Alex winced thinking about the hole Reggie had dug himself into before he let his arm fall again to his side, moving away from the stunned Peters boy.

“Okay, Sunset Curve get ready, you’re up now.” The soundtech moved through the backstage making his way over to the side of the stage as the previous band was finishing up. Reggie made his way over to where Luke and Alex had gathered together, in a pre-gig ritual on theirs. Reggie felt sick as he completed the circle, trying to push aside his momentary nausea. 

“Okay boys, this is it.” Luke grinned, completely unphased by nerves and Reggie knew there was nothing else in this world that Luke Patterson was made for like music. The previous band all bounded off stage hollering but the three Sunset Curve boys paid no mind from their little corner of the world. Right now it was just them. Luke grabbed onto his new necklace, guitar pick between his fingers, raising it up into the middle of the three.

“Legends on three?” He asked. Alex and Reggie immediately copied his movements, grabbing their own guitar picks and raising them into the air between them. 

“One. Two. Three. Legends.” The trio chanted, clinking their guitar picks together and Reggie’s heart swelled with love for his two friends. As Alex tucked his necklace back into his shirt to make sure it didn’t get in the way of his drumming, Reggie let his fall back against his chest. As he looked back up his eyes found Luke, who kissed the guitar pick between his fingers before letting it fall back into place against his chest, right above his heart. 

“We’re doing Unsaid Emily instead of Get Lost.” Luke stated as he looked up from his necklace, his eyes finding Reggie’s. Reggie could also feel Alex’s hot gaze on him but he ignored it in favour of keeping Luke’s. Reggie nodded in silent understanding. As the group got their final call to head on stage, Alex was first into movement, bounding up to his drums to adjust them properly. Luke held Reggie’s gaze a second longer and he looked momentarily conflicted, his eyes flickering rapidly to his lips and away. Their moment was broken by another call and the two had to abandon their lingering looks for the stage lights that were calling to them. 

“You heard the man, we’re Sunset Curve.” Luke shouted ecstatically into the microphone just as Reggie joined in the front of the stage. The crowd was a sea of silhouetted bodies and Reggie found comfort in the anonymity in it. 

“Tell your friends.” Reggie followed Luke with a flirtatious, contagious smirk of his own. He tilted his head at the microphone and met Luke’s electric gaze from across the stage. Both him and Luke turned to pick up their instruments, Reggie handling his new bass with ultimate care as he pulled the strap over his head and held the instrument tenderly to his body. They faced the crowd again, somehow Reggie could perfectly make out Julie and Flynn’s screeching within the crowd of cheers. He smiled to himself as Alex counted them in, striking up the opening chords to ‘Now or Never’ with as much power and passion as they had been practicing for, exactly for this moment.  
With one song over them, the initial nervousness seemed like a distant memory. They fell into a rhythm, into a synchronization that reminded them they were all together in this. Reggie even managed to keep his pulsating heart at bay long enough to share a microphone with Luke. Their eyes sparkling and unwavering, singing to one another. They had made it to the near end of their set, one song left and Reggie met Luke’s nervous eyes, keeping his gaze and nodding his head, once again reminding the boy that he was not alone in this. Luke let a small anxious smile tug at his lips, exchanging out his electric guitar for his acoustic. Reggie remembered Luke always saying that acoustic guitar was like coming home, back to his roots, to the guitar he first learned to play on. And now he was stripping it back, taking it back to his roots, laying himself bare. It was a vulnerable position but as Reggie met Luke’s gaze once more, he knew Luke was ready for it. 

“We’re slowing it down for this last one and we hope you like it guys. This is ‘Unsaid Emily’.” Luke’s eyes immediately closed as he began strumming. Reggie and Alex waited in the wings for their moment to join him. Luke’s voice wavered as sang, managing to keep his strong tone while sounding incredibly unguarded. As Luke finishes his second verse, Reggie and Alex join in harmonizing and gently let their instruments unite, holding each other through it. Luke never once opened his eyes as he sang, as if in a trance. With the last chord ringing out into a dead still crowd, Luke finally awoke from his daze, his eyes slowly lifting open as the crowd began applauding, cheers being heard even from the back of the audience. Luke’s nervousness dissipated, his tense shoulders relaxing as a wide grin broke out onto his lips. Even from his place on the stage beside him, Reggie forgot about the crowd before them, the volume of their rapturous cheers becoming background noise because all he saw was Luke. He looked as ethereal as he had been the first day Reggie had laid eyes on him as he glimmered and glowed under the warm stage lights, illuminating him in a way that made Reggie wonder how he was real. 

“Thank you, we’ve been Sunset Curve.” Alex cheered from his position behind the drums, as Luke soaked up the applause and Reggie soaked up Luke, Alex knew he was the only one capable of finishing their set. The noise from the crowd continued until the trio was off stage and Alex was the first to begin jumping around wildly, pumped on adrenalin as Luke and Reggie both packed away their respective guitars. Once Reggie’s bass was safely tucked away, he joined Alex, the pair wrapping arms around each other’s shoulders. 

“We did it!” Alex cheered, sweat trickling his forehead and a wide smile taking over his face. One so infectious, Reggie couldn’t help but mirror it. “We played the Orpheum.” 

“Yeah we did!” Reggie grinned widely, his cheeks beginning to ache with the force of it but it did nothing to sway it from his lips. Luke finally stashed away his guitar in his case before running over to the already celebrating boys. Instantly he wrapped his strong arms around Alex and Reggie, the bandmates hugging each other tightly, feeling their bodies vibrate with the high of playing. 

“We finally played here. I’m really happy it was with you guys. I couldn’t imagine playing with anybody else.” Luke said suddenly, sincerely. Their excited cheering slowing down for a moment, an air of affection and love taking place in its stead. Alex raised his hand to rustle Luke’s already messy hair, smiling fondly at the boy. Reggie’s grin became a soft smile at his admission.

“What a way to start the new year.” Alex breathed out, dreamily. They were all still processing the reality of the situation. At Alex’s words, Reggie glanced at the watch on his left wrist, noting that it was around forty minutes until midnight and the new year. Alex was breaking away from the group, as Reggie looked back to them. “Let’s go find the others.” 

Without another word, Alex was moving through the backstage area, towards the stairs leading to the main crowd a bounce in his step. Reggie just knew he was dying to find Willie following their performance. Reggie looked back to Luke, who was still grinning incredulously but he seemed smaller, his shoulders hunched slightly as he played with the rings on his fingers. 

“We did it.” Reggie repeated softly. Behind them the next set of musicians were getting ready to take the stage but the pair paid them no mind. Luke looked up from his fiddling hands, meeting Reggie’s eyes with a gentle gaze. 

“Thank you. For telling me to sing ‘Unsaid Emily’. I really needed it. It was amazing.” The sides of Reggie’s lips tugged with a bashful smile as Luke continued his voice soft but strong. “You’re amazing.” 

Luke seems to hesitate a second before slowly leaning in and for a moment Reggie forgets how to breathe. Luke turns his head and Reggie realises he’s going to kiss his cheek. His body freezes once Luke’s lips caress his skin in a simple kiss, the feeling barely touching the edge of Reggie’s mouth and he’s sure Luke can hear his breath hitch. Luke slowly pulls away, his hands are folded behind his back as if holding himself back. Before Reggie can fixate on the fire setting ablaze throughout his body, its source the phantom feeling of Luke’s lips on his skin, Alex is returning upon realising the boys were not following.

“Hey, guys, you coming?” Reggie doesn’t know if he should curse Alex. Luke glances to the blonde haired boy, nodding in affirmation. He holds out a firm hand for Reggie to take and Reggie pauses to stare at the gesture. He lets his hand timidly slip into Luke’s palm, intertwining fingers in a way that has become so familiar to him he could feel it in his sleep. Luke sends him an uncharacteristically shy smile before he leads the pair to Alex to follow him down into the crowded ballroom of the Orpheum. 

Random gig goers pat them on the back and send them congratulations as they pass through the crowd in search of their friends and family. Reggie is quietly nervous beside Luke, suddenly his high dying down as he remembers that the further they delve into the crowd the closer they get to the consequence of his actions. When the thought hits him, it consumes him and when it consumes, reality is never too far away. Luke’s hand squeezes his own and Reggie lifts his head to the boy beside him only to find that Luke’s eyes aren’t on him but instead are staring right ahead. Reggie follows the line of his gaze and finds Emily and Mitch Patterson, both standing right before them, apprehensive expressions and nervous, unsure smiles. 

“They’re here.” Luke mumbles, unbelieving. His hand tightens around Reggie’s and Reggie raises his spare hand to rub comforting circles into Luke’s bicep. Luke hasn’t removed his eyes from his parents, still incredulous. 

“You should talk to them.” Reggie suggests. Luke swallows hard but he notices that Luke doesn’t seem against the idea so Reggie takes a cautious step forward and lets Luke follow him at his own pace. A few steps more and they’re standing right before the couple and Reggie knows it’s best if he leaves, although Luke doesn't seem to be ready to let go of his hand. 

“I’ll let you guys talk. Luke, I’ll be right over there if you need me, okay?” Reggie points a few meters behind the Patterson’s where their group has congregated around the bar. Luke meets his eyes and nods slowly. Before he can drop his hand, Reggie lifts their connected hands to his lips, placing a quick comforting kiss to the back of Luke’s hand before letting go. He’s afraid that the next time they speak, Luke won’t be as happy with him. Reggie meets Emily’s gaze as he begins to walk by, sending her a small smile, a sign of encouragement. 

“Aye, Reggie! That was insane, man.” Bobby cheered as the smaller boy joined their group. He wrapped a caring arm around Reggie’s shoulders, squeezing him tightly to his side. 

“Thanks, Bobby.” Reggie mumbled, his mind slightly elsewhere. He made sure to keep his back to where he had left Luke, afraid if he turned around he wouldn’t be able to look away. Every second he stayed away, his fear of Luke hating him forever and never forgiving him got stronger. His eyes brushed around the group of his friends that were all congratulating him and Alex on their set. Flynn and Carrie sat wrapped in one another with Julie leaning against the bar beside them, between them and where Willie was sat on a stool, with Alex between his legs, his bandmates arms wrapped around the skater’s neck lovingly. 

“So heard you were doing some weird kind of Parent Trap thing with Luke’s parents?” Willie asked from his place on the right of Reggie. Reggie immediately flickered his gaze to Alex’s other half, eyes wide and mouth slightly dry. Before he could speak, Julie was laughing.

“What he’s doing isn’t Parent Trapping at all.” Reggie’s eyes switched from their wide gaze on Willie to Julie. He wondered how everyone in the group seemed to be clued in, for a moment he thought Flynn but as Julie watched him she could tell what was running through his head. “Alex told us.”

Reggie’s gaze flickered again, eyes now on the aloof Alex. Well the drummer boy worked fast. Reggie scoffed, more humorously than he was feeling about the whole topic. “I thought you said you wanted nothing to do with this.”

Alex’s eyes didn’t even move to Reggie as he spoke and Reggie knew his attention was drawn over Willie’s shoulder, focused on where Luke and his parents stood. “I said you were on your own with this one. That doesn’t mean I wasn’t going to tell anyone that would listen.” 

Willie chuckled at his boyfriend, looking back to the slightly exasperated Reggie. The boy was working himself up and his anxiousness was visible especially to someone like Willie, who spent almost everyday with Alex. “How do you think it’ll work out?” 

“I just wanted to help, I knew they were both missing each other but were both too stubborn to talk it out. So I gave them an extra push. It seemed like a good idea at the time.” Reggie began to fidget under Bobby’s arm and the taller boy slowly rubbed up and down on his arm to relieve the stress. “Now I’m afraid he’s going to hate me.” 

“Well you’re going to find out soon enough.” Alex murmured and Reggie bit his lip looking to his friend to finally find the blonde’s eyes on him. “Cause he’s coming over here now.” 

Reggie instantly turned on his heel, wide eyed and nervous. He spun around so fast that Bobby’s arm was flung from his shoulders. Reggie’s eyes sought out Luke, which wasn’t particularly hard with the brunette guitarist taking long, decisive strides across the room to him. Reggie felt like he was about to shrink in on himself with the intense stare Luke had planted on him as he approached him and he began expecting the worst. Preparing himself for the fallout, Reggie was already beginning his apology. 

“Luke, I’m so sorry I know I should have told yo-” But Reggie’s words got caught in his throat as Luke reached him. Without a word from the other boy, Luke’s hands cupped his cheeks firmly yet with such care and Reggie’s words got lost against Luke’s lips. It had reminded him of their first kiss and it took him a second of comprehension for Reggie to move his lips against Luke’s. Reggie felt like he was sinking, drowning in everything Luke and he had to lift his hands to grasp onto Luke’s waist to keep himself from falling. The music and conversations converted into static in his ears, everything else falling away, all that was left was him and the feeling of Luke overtaking his entire being. Their tongues danced against each other, a fiery tango of dominance, a bid to show each other how long they had been waiting for this moment. Luke’s hands slipped from his cheeks to the nape of his neck, fingers teasing the ends of his hairs and Reggie found his head falling back into the feeling. His hands grasped desperately at Luke’s shirt, clutching the fabric so hard he thought it would get imprinted in his skin. Despite the battle for dominance their mouths were waging, Reggie already knew he had submitted himself body and soul to Luke and Luke to him. They had given themselves to each other. 

As Luke leisurely pulled away, Reggie could feel his content smile against his lips. Reggie felt himself sigh as they broke apart already mourning the warmth and Luke giggled. Luke stayed close and Reggie slid a hand from Luke’s waist to his neck making sure he didn’t dare move away. Reggie was breathless, flustered and from such close proximity he could tell Luke was the same. In a teasing whisper, Reggie was the first to speak and penetrate the quiet daze between the pair. “It’s not midnight yet.”  
Finally looking up to Luke’s intense, adoring gaze for the first time, he found his humour was not lost on the Patterson boy. An unforgiving smirk had latched itself onto Luke’s lips and he groaned slightly at Reggie’s comment. “I have waited over a year to kiss you again properly, the way you deserve, I was not waiting another twenty minutes for midnight, Reg.” 

Reggie chuckled quietly, afraid anything too loud would break the moment and disintegrate the world of their own that encompassed them. His fingers slid upwards, digging into Luke’s hair and combing through firmly and Luke almost purred at the feeling. Reggie stilled his hand, his mind whirring. “So you don’t hate me for not telling you?” 

“While I would have preferred to be clued in to the plans, no, I don’t hate you. Far from it.” Luke murmured, his eyes falling to Reggie’s lips again. Reggie couldn’t help himself, leaning in the short inch to place his lips against Luke’s again, slower and softer this time. He basked in the tender love in which they held each other and when the pair broke away, Reggie took a step back, inhaling deeply. A holler grabbed their attention as they separated and for the briefest moments in their cocoon of just Luke and Reggie, he had forgotten their friends had been sitting meer feet away, watching the whole event. 

“Finally!” Alex screamed, kissing his own boyfriend in relief. Reggie laughed and shoved his face into Luke’s shirt, trying his best to hide his flaming cheeks painted with embarrassment. Luke wrapped his arms around Reggie’s body, holding him close as he laughed along. Within seconds, the group of their friends were surrounding them, joining in a group hug. Luke’s cheeks twitched with a wholesome grin, placing his chin on the top of Reggie’s head from where the boy stood in his arms. 

Reggie had stayed in Luke’s arms throughout the night, refusing to leave the embrace he felt safe in. Luke’s arms were what he believed home to feel like and he never wanted to depart from them. Through the midnight countdowns and the hours of dancing until late, even when a producer from a local record company had given them their card and asked to set up a meeting, Reggie and Luke had held each other through at all. Now, as they stumble through the apartment together, banging against furniture and walls as they make their way to Reggie’s room, they both refuse to take their lips off each other. Reggie falls against his bedroom door with a giggle against Luke’s lips. He turns the handle, almost falling into the room but Luke’s sturdy arms around him keep him grounded. Slamming the door behind them, nothing on their minds but the feeling of each other. They flounder through the room towards Reggie’s bed, falling against the bed with a thud and their breathless laughter mingled together becomes Reggie’s favorite song. He isn’t sure how long they lay there, their bodies tangle together, hot breaths on bare skin, both consumed by despairing touches and yearning kisses for hours on end. Reggie is sure it must be almost morning as they lay in silence, quiet breaths and content sighs the only sounds in the warm air. They mirror the way they lay nights before, eyes on one another, faces inches apart as they lie on their sides except this time Reggie doesn’t fear reaching out to feel Luke’s skin under his touch. Luke’s eyes are closed but he wills himself to stay awake as Reggie tenderly dances his fingertips along the muscles of his exposed arm. 

“I don’t want to fall asleep. In case I wake up and find out this was all a dream.” Luke murmurs, his voice soft and airy and the sound graces Reggie’s ears. A small smile tugs at his mouth and his cheeks ache with the feeling, having not found a reason all night to not smile. 

“For once it’s not a dream.” Reggie reasons, knowing how many nights his asleep mind mustered up pictures of him and Luke in this exact position but they paled in comparison to the real thing. Reggie’s eyes follow where his fingers trail along the tight tanned skin of Luke’s arms, not noticing that Luke has opened his own eyes, watching him with a soft-hearted gaze. When Reggie finally catches his eyes, he smiles sheepishly observing how Luke’s eyes watch him pensively.

“Where’s your mind at?” Reggie questioned, his voice quiet and slightly croaking from their night of singing. Luke just shoots him a wondrous smirk.

“I lost it when I first saw you.” Reggie rolls his eyes at Luke’s teasing, flirtatious smirk. But that doesn’t stop his heart from beating a little faster. Reggie bites his lip trying to decide if he should ask his next question but with Luke’s close, observing gaze on him. Luke notices his indecision and his arm moves to wrap around Reggie’s waist, repeating his words. “Where is your mind at?”

“Did you really?” He asks, voice small. “Did you feel something similar when we saw each other that day or am I just a sap?” 

Reggie laughs at himself and Luke chuckles with him for a moment. His hand rubbed small circles into Reggie's back as his eyes shined with remembrance. Luke giggles to himself as if there was something only he knew and Reggie kept his eyes glued to the sleepy boy with the tousled hair.

“I felt it even before you did.” Luke settles on and Reggie watches him in momentary confusion not understanding. He doesn’t have to wait long, as a few seconds later Luke begins speaking again, a shy smile on his lips as he admits. “I actually saw you before that. Earlier that day you actually..” Luke pauses to laugh at his story but Reggie is on the edge listening, begging him to continue. 

“You actually ran into me. You were rushing for something and you just mumbled ‘sorry’ and didn’t even look at me. But I saw you. All I saw was you.” Luke’s cheeks begin to tint an obvious shade of pink as he admits and Reggie watches him with wide eyes, wondering how Luke kept that to himself for so long. “Later when I saw you at the bus stop when I saw you it felt like a ‘holy shit’ moment. You were there again after I spent the whole day thinking about you and you were looking at me. It felt like a sign or something.”

“I can’t believe you never told me that.” Reggie mumbles, his hand slipping onto Luke’s warm cheek and cradling his face gently. Luke closed his eyes at the feeling.

“I didn’t know if you wanted me to say anything about it after-” Luke cuts himself off, his voice momentarily sad and Reggie can’t take it. He leans in, placing a soft, delicate kiss to his lips. It’s quick, as simple as the feeling of being against each other, a kiss of loving comfort. 

“I’m glad you told me now.” Reggie whispered against his lips. Hoping it was enough to remind Luke that the past was in the past. That they didn’t have to be afraid anymore. They had each other now, for real. He was his friend, he was his family, he was his love. 

Luke sighed content, pulling Reggie in closer to him with the hand pressed into his lower back. Reggie dropped his hand from Luke’s cheek letting his arm to fall around Luke’s waist, laying his head on his bare chest as Luke embraced him with both arms. “Promise me you’ll be here when I wake up?”

Reggie chuckled against his chest, his breath tickling down Luke’s stomach. “Luke, I live here.” 

Luke laughed at the realisation, only squeezing Reggie slightly before his arms loosened but he kept them wrapped around the bassist. They stay silent for a few minutes longer and Reggie begins to wonder if Luke has fallen asleep finally. But Luke’s hand rubs up and down on Reggie’s bicep gently as he speaks again. “Hey, Reg.” Reggie lifts his head to peer at Luke. “Will you go on a little adventure with me tomorrow?” 

Reggie let his hot forehead fall against Luke’s chest again, laughing slightly into his skin. The action causes small goosebumps to rise up on Luke’s arms at the feeling. His lips brush against Luke’s skin as he speaks. “An adventure really? Can’t we just be boring and uneventful for once.” 

Luke kisses the top of Reggie’s head before letting his own chuckle fall from his lips as he shakes his head. Heart full of love for the boy in his arms. “Oh Reg, we could never be boring and uneventful.”

❄

Reggie had decided that waking up beside Luke was his new favourite thing. The way his body surrounded him, shielding from the world outside his arms. Reggie had always felt a little out of place but as he lay in Luke’s arms that morning waiting for the other boy to awake, he felt true belonging. Like Luke’s embrace was made for him. They had talked more that morning, disregarding morning breath for shy kisses and whispered sentiments of adoration. Alex and Willie had made breakfast and the four had eaten together and Reggie could get used to how right it all felt for once. He felt light, unburdened. He’d gotten everything off his chest and for the first time in a long time, he felt like he was able to breathe again. Reggie and Willie had shared fond, loving smiles from where they sat watching as Alex and Luke bantered and talked about the record producer they had met the night before. Luke had told Reggie that he really did love Alex but as they stayed together longer they had slowly come to the realisation that what they had wasn’t a love you had for your partner. After breakfast Luke had tried to corner Reggie back into his bed, desperate for those sweet kisses and touches of the night before again. But Luke had wanted to take them on adventure and Reggie wasn’t about to let him forget, he was consumed with excitement and curiosity. Later Luke had even invited him to tag along to his parents house, wanting to officially introduce them to his ‘boyfriend’. He had said the word with such hopeful uncertainty that Reggie’s heart had leapt out of his chest and he had leapt into Luke’s arms along with it, smothering the boy with kisses and mumbling ‘yes’ against his skin. 

“How much longer? I think I’m getting vertigo.” Reggie declared as he stumbled again. Luke’s body was pressed flush against his back, his hands covering Reggie’s eyes as he led him into the depths of their ‘little adventure’. 

“Almost there, a little more patience.” Luke chuckled, his hands not slipping from his eyes no matter how much Reggie was dying for a peak. He could hear vehicles pass by from where they walked down the Los Angeles sidewalks. When Luke stopped suddenly, Reggie was taken aback. “Okay, we’re here. But I need you to keep your eyes closed until I tell you, okay?”

Reggie mutters his agreement and Luke giggles from behind him and Reggie revels in the sound, unable to stop the smile that overtakes his lips. Luke’s warm hands drop from his eyes and Reggie has to ignore his immediate instinct to open his eyes. 

“Okay, open ‘em.” Luke calls out, now sounding further away. Reggie opens his eyes immediately on command and has to blink twice to filter the light in before he can focus on Luke. He registers Luke first, the way he leans back against the wall behind him, his knee bent and one foot pressed against the see through wall behind him. The stance is familiar but he’s missing his guitar. Reggie’s eyes quickly flicker around them and he breaks out in a wide grin at the familiar bus stop.

“What are we doing here?” Reggie asks, slowly stepping towards Luke, pausing only a few steps away from the boy. Luke’s eyes are glimmering and Reggie is hooked on them. Just like the first day Reggie saw Luke right at this very spot, he is glowing, his aura beaming and Reggie wants to step into his golden light. Luke perks up at the question and coughs into his closed fist as if clearing his throat. 

“On December 19th 2016, Luke Patterson decided he was going to busk at this very bus stop and it is the best decision he’s ever made.” Luke began, putting on a storyteller tone and Reggie does nothing but stays silent, watching him with a loving smile. “Luke was down on his luck, his parents nagging him about skipping school and working at a club they didn’t approve of and all he wanted was to be left alone. Him and his music. So he went busking and he felt isolated like no one was hearing him but then he looked up, and right there-”

Luke points to the street beside the bus stop and Reggie follows his direction before looking back as Luke continues. “He saw a boy on a bus. A boy he had seen hours before and he had to stop and double take. And this boy with his rosey cheeks and gelled back hair and cool leather jacket was looking at Luke and he wasn’t just hearing him play, he was listening. He couldn’t believe it. He didn’t know what he was feeling, but he felt like this boy could understand him even with a simple look. It kind of scared Luke cause he had never felt this way about anyone and all of sudden he fixated on this boy who he didn’t even know the name of. But he wanted to know him so he tried to get on the bus but missed his chance.” 

Reggie blinks quickly, only then realising his eyes are threatening to tear up and one look at Luke proves he is in the same position. “Fast forward five years and Luke is still enamored with this boy because he’s gotten to know him. Luke Patterson is out of his mind, insanely in love with Reggie Peters.” 

Reggie’s breath hitches and there goes the first tear, he blinks quick again and finds Luke smiling at him. “But Luke made some bad choices, he messed up and he knows he hurt a lot of people. And sometimes he would come here to this bus stop and think about what he’d do if he got a redo. But now he thinks he wouldn’t change a thing. Because the years were long and hard but they got there in the end.” 

Luke steps forward, bridging the gap between himself and Reggie. Reggie can’t help himself and when Luke’s hands slip onto his cheeks, he’s grabbing hold of Luke’s arms and pressing his lips to his. They stand for a quiet moment, their lips gently brushing against one anothers. Reggie pulls back only an inch, his forehead leaning against Luke’s as he speaks, whispering. “I love you.” 

Luke grins, sniffle back tears that threaten to spill, the light droplets lingering on his long lashes. “I know.” He breathes and Reggie immediately throws his head back in a joyous chuckle.

“Did you just Han Solo me?” Luke doesn’t answer, instead pulling Reggie in for another tantalizing kiss. When they pull their lips away they stay in their warm, tender embrace. 

“Hey, Reg.” Luke says making Reggie raise his gaze to the shaggy haired boy. Luke nods his head to the street beside them and Reggie turns his gaze to find a bus pulling up to the stop. His eyes flicker back to Luke’s who is chuckling lightly as he asks. “You got a bus to catch?” 

Reggie smiles back at Luke, to the bus boy, to his friend, to his love and he can’t believe all it took to get here. Because one day in December he had seen Luke for the first time and his heart was left here at this bus stop with him. But it was also because of days in December that he had met Luke again, that they had become friends, that they had shared their first kiss, that Reggie had lost all hope and now Reggie finally got to where he needed to be with the person he needed to be with. Back where it started and there was no way he was leaving it behind.

“Nah,” He laughed as he pecked Luke on his lips again, snuggled in his embrace, where he belonged. “This time I’m staying right here, with you.” 

The End.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to every one who came on this journey with me. Before this story I hadn't written anything fiction in like four years so thank you for the support. If you want to continue this journey with me I have planned out Luke's POV story and am going to start writing/publishing it soon and I'm currently planning Alex's.
> 
> Some easter eggs in this chapter relate to events in the next two stories so I'm excited to write them.  
> Also Caleb is here. I only briefly mentioned him in this chapter but he'll be a bigger character in Luke's POV so I was just setting that up.  
> And finally, the way I've planned these stories, the make up/reunion between Alex and Reggie and then Alex and Luke that I mentioned at the start of this chapter will be written in Alex's story.
> 
> Guys, It's been amazing and I hope to see you in the next ones! Luke's story will be out soon so hopefully I'll see you there :)


	7. This Must Be The Place

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> JUST A QUICK NOTE :)
> 
> This is just a quick thank you to everyone who has read, kudos and commented such lovely things on this story, I appreciate it all so much.
> 
> And also to announce that Part 2 of this series and Luke's POV story is published with the first chapter up and it would mean the world if you guys wanted to check it out. You can find it in my works or in the link to the second part of this story in the description. I'm nervous and excited to continue this journey and through a new perspective and I can't wait to hear what you think!
> 
> Happy reading and much love!
> 
> (Find Luke's story description below :) )

This Must Be The Place 🎸

For as long as he could remember there had only been one drive inside Luke, and that was music. It’s the reason he skips school to write songs. It’s the reason he’d busk, even for empty streets. It’s the reason he works for his uncle Caleb, wiping down tables at the Orpheum while he dreams of the day he’ll be front and center under the spotlight instead of behind the concessions.

Luke felt as long as he had music, he never needed anything else. When he saw people his age hanging out on the beach, going to parties, dating; he never felt like he was missing out. That was until one foggy day in December, when Luke saw him.

His flustered rosy cheeks, slicked back hair and cool leather jacket. Luke is frozen, his heart palpitating. It had always been Luke and music, never feeling like he needed anyone else but when their gazes meet, Luke wonders if this boy could be someone who can understand him.

Luke’s confused, excited and maybe a little bit fixated. All he wants is to see him again. But Luke’s got to learn to be careful what you wish for. 

\---  
OR five times Luke tries to find the place he belongs in the world and the one time he figures, this must be the place. 

OR alternatively, five times Luke curses himself for his fixation with Reggie and the one time he embraces it.

(Luke’s POV of One Day In December)


End file.
